Welcome Silver shadow,
You have made this start now, here with PTSD we all fit in. You will find many others here that will relate to what you have said and some of what you are feeling. You will also find yourself maybe recognising what others are writing and feeling here Silver. Draw strength and encouragement from what you will learn about yourself, and the knowledge that you will find here can only help you in living with PTSD.
PLease know you are not alone, and please read as much as you feel you are able to do, this is not easy to work through and sometimes it may seem very far from ever being ok in any sense, but PTSD can be managed please know this. And it can and will get better the more we try.
I see you have written some now and I know we have spoken in chat, I have found for me when reading some posts here, even if they were not directly written to me; if some part of the original discussion or thread seems relevant in some way to me or what I have known; I look on the advice or support as though it were written and intended for me, because it is. One of the beautiful things about this forum is that there is such a shared wealth of knowledge, experience and understanding and it is here for all of us to read and try to implement toward our healing.
PLease again know you are not alone and you do not need to think on whether or not you fit in here - because YOU DO, and we are all here for each other and that includes you now.
Take care, and I look forward to reading more of you.
Take each day as it comes Silver
~fin