Not Ignoring, Just Letting Be

[aut555]

Her approval is important because? Did you get your parent's approval much in life? I didn't, so l had poor attention seeking habits that l have kicked to the wayside. This may go back to childhood and some neglect and feelings of abandonment from a family member. This seems like attention seeking behavior, like notice me because l am *smarter*prettier*louder*
Superior* etc. So maybe something about certain people trigger you somehow and make you feel insignificant. So you have to bring home all your great accomplishments and remind yourself that you don't need anybody's approval.

 

[Rani G2]

see the debris, but I don't react and give him the pleasure of knowing I see it by saying something or pushing it back or even tilling it under. I choose to ignore it because if that is how he scores his points I am willing to let him have the low ground. I have several acres here, room for him and all of his family to dump lawn clippings before it bothers me at all. I let it be

@enough
Its something very powerful being able not to react to this power-oppression dynamic. This is something I find very hard. Thanks for sharing enough.

 

[Rani G2]

This seems like attention seeking behavior, like notice me because l am *smarter*prettier*louder*

Hey aut555,

it has a quality of “you cannot come on to my level, I am intellectually more developed“. This only happens with people who in my own interpretation (Trigger) Need that as well. If I meet people who dont radiate this, I never get that urge to react. I know many, who are way more smarter than me(Whatever that means) but they are not threatening because they dont need to compete.

I need her appeoval so that she acknowledges my worthyness. Its not logical, its a part that craves for it.

 

[aut555]

That's great you understand it so well. Now can you take over the hostage thought process and say when l feel this way, l will do this instead? Not sure here, count to five, leave and come back. Hoping that you by recognizing the pattern, then you consciously have to stop this response until you no longer act on it. Is that possible? It's a dynamic that you can change.

 

[Rani G2]

I find your advice helpful. Thank you

 

[Rani G2]

I feel devasted now. Its this fear of getting hurt. I just cant be emotional. Every time I meet people i come across like a emotionless, Android type. I cant show weakness, this kills me. I will have to process it with Therapy. Being like this, i dont have any friends.

:(

 

[aut555]

I feel that pain. Weakness is vulnerablity. But let's look at this differently. If someone does actually see us weak, what will happen? Will everything stop on the earth? What is the chance that the person you interact with has the same issue? If we are so wrapped in our issues, we don't see that the people around us are screwed up to some extent. In fact l am finding out, l seem to draw people near me that suffered the same child abuse. It puzzles me, but it does happen. So step back, allow yourself freedom to feel helpless. Set the timer, concontrate on feeling helplessness for 5 mins. Why? Because at the end of five mins, everything will be the same, but you have changed you thought dynamic. If you chose to stay in the mode of control , that is your choice, you are making a choice, a choice to feel. Our brains our dynamic, we control the thought process. You control your brain. I have trained myself to feel happy. I left an abusive 18 year marriage. Everyday was yelling on top of more yelling. It took two years, now l smile, now l am happy. Don't worry so much about other people and what they think. Do they pay your rent, do they do your laundry? Live for you not anybody else.