Not Meant To Rehash

[UnKnown-Self]

i read a post eariler about some people running away with others threads. Not their words but mine. I felt I needed to say something because I often feel like I do this and it is unintentional.
I know I will often say things about "me" when I am trying to make the suggestion, maybe this is you too, instead of saying maybe you are this or that because when I do that ( and I do) I worry I am making assumptions or judgments based upon my experience or something that post is triggering in me and projecting it on that person.
So instead I say this was my experience because the reality is, that's all I have to offer. Is what I've lived through and how I am trying to cope with it at this moment which can change.

 

[mary1979]

No way.
I've learned much from your wisdom, and appreciate every single post that you direct at me.

Experience is the greatest teacher, and if just one person can avoid your mistakes because of your sharing, then its well worth it.

I know there are times it is needed to keep a post on topic, but I personally prefer to let it all just flow and see what we get from it.

Even posts that dont help me might help someone else, so have their worth.

Each to their own I guess.
I just don't see the point in complaining about it.
Couldn't believe when I saw the other day someone say they thought their posts of well wishes and support were irritating some.

What even? It totally makes my day when someone goes out of their way to boost my morale.

There's just no pleasing some ;)

 

[ladee]

I do the same thing.. I don't know what I need half the time, so I don't know what others need. But I can share what I did in that situation. I guess it comes down to us giving some thought to what we write and how it's going to come across. If the person is asking for feedback, I might ask questions? Maybe if we simply say we understand that is enough and if OP wants more info they will ask... I certainly do not want to feel I am walking on eggshells here... that is just too stressful for me...
Some people can get away with some direct confrontation , but it's also the way it's worded... not as an attack, but giving us something to think about... take it or leave it....
But I also know we don't have to comment or take on something if the OP is all over the place... asking questions is best for me in that situation. Then I have a direction to go in... sometimes that is the only way to really understand what the OP is saying or asking for.
So I will continue to do it the way I do, and as you do, until I am told not to. We always always have to remember we are on a mental health forum... I am only responsible for me...

 

[Ava Jarvis]

[crossed out useless Ava gabbling about themself -- Ava]

 

[UnKnown-Self]

I don't think I could ever walk on eggshells@ladee. I know I curse a lot and I'm blunt but it's never with the intent to intimidate. Actually there are times I am surprised myself at what I write, shocked at my insight or anger, sometimes it like @mary1979 said, it just flows. I try to go with it when that happens because it's usually a learning experience for me. Maybe I should just create an off shoot thread instead of worrying about hijacking someone else's thread because they are entitled the the support and encouragement they are reaching out for too and it's okay. Too often we've all been denied that so I understand the need.

 

[Mallaky]

@Ava Jarvis

I saw you deleting posts and replacing them with "Just my gibberish" or something, and that made me very sad. Would have loved to read what you have to say, always do.
This was not at all what those threads were about, even when that was very difficult to parse. I am not a mod, but I am sure @joeylittle would agree that nobody wants anyone to censor themselves like that. The mods made it clear in another thread, this is just about being asked repeatedly to not go offtopic and then not complying. None of what @Alice.in.Wonderland mentioned would fall even remotely under that.

Please don't let any of that toxic brawl poison your minds. I hope we are all collectively over it soon.

 

[ladee]

@Ava Jarvis, I feel a little 'tip toey' myself... But the name of the forum is MY PTSD... Everyone has the right to read me or not, comment or not.. And I have the right to ask questions, and take the offered support and suggestions, or not. It's about self accountability here, regardless of the situation or words shared.
So hope you do what you need to do to help yourself on YOUR healing journey.

 

[Ava Jarvis]

@Ava Jarvis

I saw you deleting posts and replacing them with "Just my gibberish" o...

Oh, ok.

I have a lot of problems like... Parsing stuff like this. I have a very poor view of myself. I have tried so hard to learn society rules, and I have literally zero sense of self worth. Any sense of it my father stomped out of me a long time ago. I learned to follow the rules set by the most assertive/aggressive person in the room. Figuring out whether they make sense or not doesn't really click into my thinking; I just think I'm wrong.

And yeah... The other thing is I felt like I got manipulated by both sides, and neither even really had to try very hard to achieve that. I have to cope with the fact that I'll never get an apology from either of them—and besides, where is the wrong, really? It's my fault that I'm like this.

But. Yeah. I can get reprogrammed really, really easily at times. One day when I have a better sense of self-worth, that won't happen as much. Today, though, I'm still working on it.

And yeah -- I am really tempted to just delete this post.

Like this whole thread fight... It just made me want to share my stuff less. To post less. To just, as my father always wanted me to, shut the f*ck up.

 

[ladee]

No @Alice.in.Wonderland... I am not going to walk on eggshells either... I don't want anyone doing that for me...!!! Take what you need and leave the rest.... Drama makes me edgy.... but this is my place too...

 

[Whyteferret]

It seems if we don't share what works for us and our experiences, there's no real point in having the forum. Common experiences can help others. There may be an idea someone gets from reading the experience of someone else that helps.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

@Ava Jarvis
You post or lack of made me sad too. We are all dealing with a lot of whatever and we deal, learn and express differently. It's okay for some to have specific needs in their posts. It's also okay to "let it flow" . I think as we get to know each other we can help each other more. Sometimes helping is by not saying something. I don't think it has to turn into finger pointing or blame, that's not even personal, it's simply old habits that I and I'm sure others have slipped into at one time or another. Just like taking things personally that were not meant for us or even if they were, just start your own thread.
It's our guilt, anger, self blame, shame, what have you that's being expressed and we can learn from it constructively.
That is why I titled the thread, not to rehash because it wasn't trying to open a wound but trying to examine why I felt some type of way (mostly guilty) and learn from it.

 

[ladee]

True, many times I will read something that has nothing to do with what is going on with me at the time, but some ones experience will point out something and it applies to something else in my life...