Not Much Of Me Left For Me...

[scout86]

I wish I could like what @Cashew said multiple times. I was glad too see a post with your name attached to it for the same reasons. I'm glad you're here.

$300 is a pretty big over draft! That would hurt, big time. I hope things get back on track for you soon! Meanwhile, glad to see you here.

 

[Virtues]

I was doing pretty good until today...

Bad Religion - Better Off Dead

 

[Ronin]

Florian what were you up to, doing what made you feel good?

Can you come back to it or get a pause now but think of it, if thinking of the good could do any works?

 

[TXbandit]

Hang in there Florian.

 

[Virtues]

Florian what were you up to, doing what made you feel good?

Can you come back to it or get a paus...

I had a good session riding horses... unfortunately with the tropical storm there is no hope of riding anytime soon. A friend of mine posted on fb this morning "...have you ever just felt like watching the whole world f*cking burn..." I didn't post back because I didn't want to fuel his fire, but I couldn't help but think "damn, I can relate". I'm just in a dark corner right now. I wish life didn't reject me at every damn turn. I can't handle rejection (yes there's a stuck point there).

 

[Virtues]

Bad Religion (Dark Mix) - YouTube

 

[Mim28]

I know how you feel. Complete lack of self care has gotten me to this point of utter exhaustion which totally feeds my panic and anxiety. This is the worst I've felt and really looking to make changes in my life. I'm taking a good look at myself and I see the patterns I create, but I know this can be undone for me and for you as well. We need changes my friend.

 

[Virtues]

I would like to change, but I want to change into what I once was... I loved that man he was everything I ever wanted to be.

 

[Mim28]

I think I understand.

Link Removed
I agree with TXband...

Well said Kona.

 

[Mim28]

It's hard to grieve the people we used to be. It's how we defined ourselves. Is there a way you can still be involved but not directly? I don't know if that makes sense. I'm not sure if that would be too hard at this time.

 

[Virtues]

It's hard to grieve the people we used to be. It's how we defined ourselves. Is there a way you can st...

That's just it, it's like I'm grieving the loss of a real person (the person I use to be)... I can't be involved in any way shape or form in the fire department as I can't pass the physical exam to get my certificates in the state of Florida. And as far as the Marine Corps, I'm too far away from any Marine Corps base to apply for any civilian positions. I don't know if either of those would help with my confidence anyways. It would be like doing some watered down job of little importance because I couldn't perform on the ops side of the house anymore. And even if I had my confidence back would that change anything with my PTSD??? or would the symptoms remain the same??? These are the questions that have me stuck. This is why I'm so low today.

 

[Mim28]

That's just it, it's like I'm grieving the loss of a real person (the person I use to be)... I can'...

No job is low or watered down if it is helping someone. You may not be what you used to do, but you are a worthy human being. You have served and contributed and saved lives. You should be very proud of that. But it doesn't define who you are. You are worthy. It amazes me and saddens me that we can give so much compassion to others but not to ourselves. You and I need to start doing that right now, my friend !