Not sure how to bring up having suicidal thoughts and feelings

[hermione]

Seeing my therapist at 8:00pm tonight and scared to say I have thoughts and feelings of suicide I know she can't hospitalize on that but still scared and she is not one to jump on that either so I have to be honest I just don't know how to bring it up and she should also know I am useless by 8:00pm we have met that late before and I am dragging usually...but I have to bring it up right

 

[digger]

Maybe try writing it down before you go?

 

[hermione]

That's a good idea I will write it down I mean she is easy for me to talk to I am just not sure of what I need if it's just extra support maybe I can get an extra session with her or my psychiatrist as well maybe that would be enough to make these feelings pass I have been to the hospital many times and it keeps me safe but often doesn't move me forward but maybe if could if I got out of this hole...

 

[NightSky]

How'd it go @hermione ? How are you feeling?

 

[hermione]

my appointment went really well actually it made a world of difference i felt so much better after i saw her. she asked if i should be in the hospital i said no of course and we talked it out more and made a lot of good points I am often suicidal so she judges how i am and what we talk about. some of it had to do with my parents and how i am in a game with them they don't know they are playing. I up my behaviors to get them to notice but they don't. i also like the semi control i have over them like they don't get it but yet they fear it like they will help me out with things or fear to do things because of what i might do and i somewhat like that i admitted that years ago to my therapist. like that night with my therapist they called 3 times because they didn't know i changed my schedule with my therapist i don't live with them anymore so why should they always know where i am but they were worried. its so confusing my therapist said i need to stop trying to get their attention they are an empty well they can't handle my emotions or issues they don't want to hear it. she said i have her and a treatment team and friends to reach out to. i felt much better once we talked about everything it just made me feel better and safer and comforted i might ask for an extra session next week to help out with the struggle.