How to bring up this issue of yearning for the same the kind of sexual activity as abuse.

[Friday]

Why does this healing process seem more of a burden at times?

If it were fun we’d call it a hobby or sport.

 

[Wendell_R]

I've brought in a 3x5 card into my sessions when there's something I don't want to talk about, but another part of me wants to. And yes, it's really hard. It will be a relief when you can get this out and discover that your therapist accepts you and cares for you.

 

[somerandomguy]

Some people write out things they want to talk about and hand it to their therapist to read.

Could you print out your post and give it to your therapist?

 

[hithere]

If you can't just the words out right, then write them out on piece of paper and hand it to the therapis and say I want to talk about this. . It's not uncommon and is understandable.

 

[Emotional girl]

I agree with the others about writing down your thoughts and then giving it to your therapist.

 

[brokenpony]

yes this is the only way i can get aroused (by fantasizing about the abuse or being abused). and i think I subconsciously seek out abuse. it’s a horrible feeling.

 

[Mach123]

I lived this, this was my life. I am now able to "be like that" with my partner. It's scary and I wish we were younger. My therapist still has issues with me acting out my teenage girl. (She can't really push this because she knows how happy I am)

Trying to get it out? Trying to explain it was like giving birth/dying. My wife "kinda knew." Getting with a therapist I could tell, over and over, took a few more tries. It's a long process.

So this is the really hard part, saying it out loud. You are doing great you even wrote it down. It took me years. It's not written anywhere in hard copy. Please understand this is the hardest part. It's not a small accomplishment. You can do it. Go really slow. Be so kind with yourself.

Saying this again I want you to know I had to do this and I'm here for you and you are not alone. You've come so far to get where you want to do this with someone. It's so hard to trust anyone.

As for your partner? Even harder. I hope it goes well. I told my wife first before anyone. You guys are married so it's part of both of you. I was lucky so far. It's still new over the last few years.

 

[makingit]

I lived this, this was my life. I am now able to "be like that" with my partner. It's scary and I wish we were younger. My therapist still has issues with me acting out my teenage girl. (She can't really push this because she knows how happy I am)

Trying to get it out? Trying to explain it was like giving birth/dying. My wife "kinda knew." Getting with a therapist I could tell, over and over, took a few more tries. It's a long process.

So this is the really hard part, saying it out loud. You are doing great you even wrote it down. It took me years. It's not written anywhere in hard copy. Please understand this is the hardest part. It's not a small accomplishment. You can do it. Go really slow. Be so kind with yourself.

Saying this again I want you to know I had to do this and I'm here for you and you are not alone. You've come so far to get where you want to do this with someone. It's so hard to trust anyone.

As for your partner? Even harder. I hope it goes well. I told my wife first before anyone. You guys are married so it's part of both of you. I was lucky so far. It's still new over the last few years.

Thank you for your words Mach 123 I really need to hear that today. I appreciate you cheering me on and for your support.
This is for all of you.

 

[Ronin]

I would also maybe consider these things are not the same, because not in the context of abuse.

As in, you did not choose any of those practices before.
But you are choosing what you are choosing, now. With entirely different partners, in safe settings. Makes them fundamentally different in my eyes.

Might be where to start talking about it with the therapist, too... what makes things the same, vs. mere points of similarity, and how wanting something changes the whole act?