Not Sure If It Is Depression, Disocciation, Or Fatigue

[evergreen]

I have been fatigued lately from a lot of stress.

My girlfriend was diagnosed with cancer in July, and then she died in December. She lived with me. My husband had a heart attack in January at the age of 40. Then in February, my daughter was accused of stealing a cell phone at her school.

I had been doing really well while I had to care for my girlfriend. When she died, I went into grieving and then my husband had his heart attack. I went back into taking care of things around the house and being 'here' so I could care for my husband. Then, once the thing with my daughter's school happened, I lost it. I yelled at people at the school. I yelled at people in our community. I pushed people away who had previously supported me through the death of Ines and Tom having his heart attack. I pushed them away because I knew they were not supporting me through the event at the school. (It's a small community.)

My anger really came out when this school thing happened. It was a rage for days and maybe a couple of weeks.

Then I got sick physically and had to take an antibiotic. So I have been 'down' since around February 24. As of now, I do some cleaning every every few days--very minimal cleaning. I spend most of my days on the couch or in my bed online or reading.

I am not sure what to make of it. Am I just recovering from all of the stress? Is this depression? I feel really spacey and not real present. It's hard for me to focus on things like food prep, cooking, and grocery shopping. It's kind of like being disocciated.

Any thoughts?

 

[Emilie]

hello evergreen,
To me... (and I'm not an expert) it sounds like a normal reaction to an overload of stress...the aftereffects of the stress may be a little bit of depression. Do you exercise? I've found mild exercise helps me a heck of a lot...It's a self esteem booster, it cures whatever ails you, it builds your immune, it exerts your negative energy in a positive way, and the list goes on and on.

Don't overthink the situation with your community. Chances are most of them understand. An initial reaction to a situation often isn't an indicator of negative feelings... Usually when cooler heads prevail people think through a number of factors. I know how much it sucks to live in a small community. I've always loved living in a city over a small town. Don't get me started on that one...lol

I'm so sorry to hear about everything that has happened.

 

[Emilie]

Oh, and by the way, if you feel dissociated..you can try grounding. Stuff like eating, touching something... what works for me is biting into a lemon. Anything to make you *feel*.

 

[QuietLight]

This has been a stressful time for you. It almost seems as if the cell phone issue was the straw that broke the camels back for you. I'd say (Non professionally) that what you are going through is normal behavior for anyone. Try to do something for yourself. Even if it is just taking a walk by yourself and enjoying your surroundings. Try to do something that makes you feel positive and makes you smile...even if the smile is only on the inside.

Sorry for the loss of your friend.

 

[evergreen]

Thank you both for your responses.

 

[intothelight]

Evergreen,

It possibly could be all three. You experienced a lot of emotional and mental stress, and I also imagine you had a lot of physical demands placed upon you in being a caretaker to two very ill people. So that would create fatigue.

You also are mourning the death of your friend. Depression is common with grief, but can be even more pronounced with PTSD. Another symptom of depression is fatigue.

Feeling "foggy" or "spacey" can also be part of depression. Feeling disconnected can also be a form of mild disassociation when you mind just doesn't want' to deal with any additional stress.

If these symptoms continue for any length of time, it is definitively something you might want to address with your therapist.

Wishing you peace and recovery.

Debbie