phoenixfox211
New Here
I don't know how to do this so I'll just say it.im a 20 yrs old Female
When I was 9 and watching the tooth fairy with Dwayne Johnson in I fell asleep I woke up to my father between my legs, with his mouth and hands on me 8 was terrified but super confused. I got up acting like nothing happened and said I had to use the bathroom. My step mom was in the kitchen doing the dishes or cleaning I don't really know, I went used the bathroom and went to tell her what happened I knew it was wrong. I was walking down the hall and he yelled "what are you doing get back to bed!" I was so scared I did what he said.
He left...a week later again his hands in my pants doing things I knew he shouldn't be doing but he told me if I told everyone would think I was lying and my step mom would hate me (I've known her my whole life) I didn't want that she was my mom so I stayed silent after a month of just doing the same thing hand down my pants he would put me in his lap and pull my pants down he'd put his thing between my legs or butt cheeks and just get himself off, I'd have to get up and change my underwear. I'd try my best to put on something ugly or really hard to take off so he couldn't do anything but it never worked he'd even ask if I changed bc of him and I'd say yes and he wouldn't care just did stuff.
By time I was 12 we moved hed been doing all these things to me almost every night. When it was a day before Christmas I got my first period he stopped for a while but then he started up again a month or 2 later but would get more confident, he'd do stuff to me with my siblings in the room and I'd just think to myself let him do this and he won't do it to them. I just let him keep doing what he was doing to me, I stopped saying no I just let it happen.
When I was 13 my siblings went to their friends and my step mom left with her friend, I guess my dad wasn't feeling well and he told my step mom he wanted me in the room just in case he needed me. So I went in there and he had me lay down in the bed next to him. I was so scared and terrified I didn't know what was going to happen I was in a room by myself with him and no one around. He got on top of me and started to kiss me and bite me. He pulled my pants down and put himself between my legs he didn't push inside of my but he was there and he was just shoving himself all on me and grinding and biting and licking and kissing and I couldn't move I couldn't even feel, I felt like I was floating above my body watching this happen like it wasn't real but it was. I scrubbed myself until I was raw.
When it was almost my 14th birthday my sister and father and I were laying on the ground my little sister in front of me and my father behind me, he was touching me again but I started crying she turned around and asked what was wrong I looked down with my eyes quick and she lifted the blanket and saw what he was doing. She yelled at him "dad what are you doing that's Ari he 'woke up' and said he thought it was my step mom. My sister made me tell my step mom when she got home what happened. She asked if this was the first time he'd ever done this to me I told her yes, I lied. She asked if his fingers went in me I said no, I lied I didn't want her to hate me.i guess she talked to him about it and later she told me he wanted to talk to me so I went outside he said " don't you ever tell someone something like that do you know what they do to guys like me" I told him I was sorry.
When I was 15 my step mom passed away, I didn't even have enough time to grieve before I had to be the 'mother' of the family and things got worse he got mad quickly started hitting worse than before. He started pushing me for more and would come into my room when I was asleep to he could touch me and wrap my hands around himself so he could get off. I couldn't leave the house I had to stay home. I'd wake up get my little sister and baby brother up for school make breakfast bring my baby brother next door so he could get on the bus for elementary school while my sister and I got on our bus for the middle school and highschool, get home clean, pick up my baby brother, clean do homework, cook dinner put everyone to bed please my father. Rinse and repeat then it started getting really bad he was getting a little handsy with my little sister slapping her butt when he walked by accidentally grabbing her chest. Then he got worse with me hitting more making me do more things.
When it was my 16th birthday we went to the mall for my brother and RC car my sister and her friend were with us, I had enough it was getting bad I didn't want it to go further, I told my sister and her friend the truth that the time she saw our father touch me wasn't the first and it wasn't the last, he'd been doing it for years, I asked if ever did anything to her other than the accidental grabs and smacks on her butt she said no that was all he ever did I was so relieved. 2 days later my sister told her guidance counselor who called our grandmother my step moms mom, we were out of that house in 3 hours police called report filed, when my father got home and noticed none of us were there he blew up our phones. He then went to our grandmothers where we were. Asked her "what did Ari tell you" her response was "what do you mean Ari how do you know it was her? It was your other daughter." He came into the room we were in and started his ' you know what they do to guys like me, it only happened once and I said I was sorry' he started to make my baby brother cry telling him I was taking his father from him. I had my sister and grandmother make him leave I couldn't do it after years and years he couldn't admit to what he did. After a few moths he was sentenced 7-10 years in prison. Going to Therapy I was diagnosed with PTSD, depression anxiety, eating disorder. After an few months my sister started getting angry with me told me that me being fat was the reason my father ever stopped and took a break from touching me. It hurt so much because before she was my biggest supporter and now she was shoving everything that happened to me in my face. She was the one that kept me going and then boom she hated me because I took her father away from her.
My father hurt me in a way a father should never hurt his daughter, he was supposed to be my hero, my protector, my security blanket. But he wasn't he became the villain the very thing he was supposed to protect me from. I was a child I was 9 NINE I WAS FREAKING NINE and he don't protect me, he hurt me, he ripped the little girl I was smashed her broke her and then threw her into a dark closet with and chain and bolt lock.
I can't talk to my family about this none of them want to hear about what I went through I can't talk to my best friend about it because I'm afraid she'll judge me or hate me, I know it's not true that she would be there but what if she can't handle it and just leaves because I'm to much of a burden. I just want a way to let this all out this pain, this uselessness, unwantedness, I don't want to die but I don't want to be in pain.
When I was 9 and watching the tooth fairy with Dwayne Johnson in I fell asleep I woke up to my father between my legs, with his mouth and hands on me 8 was terrified but super confused. I got up acting like nothing happened and said I had to use the bathroom. My step mom was in the kitchen doing the dishes or cleaning I don't really know, I went used the bathroom and went to tell her what happened I knew it was wrong. I was walking down the hall and he yelled "what are you doing get back to bed!" I was so scared I did what he said.
He left...a week later again his hands in my pants doing things I knew he shouldn't be doing but he told me if I told everyone would think I was lying and my step mom would hate me (I've known her my whole life) I didn't want that she was my mom so I stayed silent after a month of just doing the same thing hand down my pants he would put me in his lap and pull my pants down he'd put his thing between my legs or butt cheeks and just get himself off, I'd have to get up and change my underwear. I'd try my best to put on something ugly or really hard to take off so he couldn't do anything but it never worked he'd even ask if I changed bc of him and I'd say yes and he wouldn't care just did stuff.
By time I was 12 we moved hed been doing all these things to me almost every night. When it was a day before Christmas I got my first period he stopped for a while but then he started up again a month or 2 later but would get more confident, he'd do stuff to me with my siblings in the room and I'd just think to myself let him do this and he won't do it to them. I just let him keep doing what he was doing to me, I stopped saying no I just let it happen.
When I was 13 my siblings went to their friends and my step mom left with her friend, I guess my dad wasn't feeling well and he told my step mom he wanted me in the room just in case he needed me. So I went in there and he had me lay down in the bed next to him. I was so scared and terrified I didn't know what was going to happen I was in a room by myself with him and no one around. He got on top of me and started to kiss me and bite me. He pulled my pants down and put himself between my legs he didn't push inside of my but he was there and he was just shoving himself all on me and grinding and biting and licking and kissing and I couldn't move I couldn't even feel, I felt like I was floating above my body watching this happen like it wasn't real but it was. I scrubbed myself until I was raw.
When it was almost my 14th birthday my sister and father and I were laying on the ground my little sister in front of me and my father behind me, he was touching me again but I started crying she turned around and asked what was wrong I looked down with my eyes quick and she lifted the blanket and saw what he was doing. She yelled at him "dad what are you doing that's Ari he 'woke up' and said he thought it was my step mom. My sister made me tell my step mom when she got home what happened. She asked if this was the first time he'd ever done this to me I told her yes, I lied. She asked if his fingers went in me I said no, I lied I didn't want her to hate me.i guess she talked to him about it and later she told me he wanted to talk to me so I went outside he said " don't you ever tell someone something like that do you know what they do to guys like me" I told him I was sorry.
When I was 15 my step mom passed away, I didn't even have enough time to grieve before I had to be the 'mother' of the family and things got worse he got mad quickly started hitting worse than before. He started pushing me for more and would come into my room when I was asleep to he could touch me and wrap my hands around himself so he could get off. I couldn't leave the house I had to stay home. I'd wake up get my little sister and baby brother up for school make breakfast bring my baby brother next door so he could get on the bus for elementary school while my sister and I got on our bus for the middle school and highschool, get home clean, pick up my baby brother, clean do homework, cook dinner put everyone to bed please my father. Rinse and repeat then it started getting really bad he was getting a little handsy with my little sister slapping her butt when he walked by accidentally grabbing her chest. Then he got worse with me hitting more making me do more things.
When it was my 16th birthday we went to the mall for my brother and RC car my sister and her friend were with us, I had enough it was getting bad I didn't want it to go further, I told my sister and her friend the truth that the time she saw our father touch me wasn't the first and it wasn't the last, he'd been doing it for years, I asked if ever did anything to her other than the accidental grabs and smacks on her butt she said no that was all he ever did I was so relieved. 2 days later my sister told her guidance counselor who called our grandmother my step moms mom, we were out of that house in 3 hours police called report filed, when my father got home and noticed none of us were there he blew up our phones. He then went to our grandmothers where we were. Asked her "what did Ari tell you" her response was "what do you mean Ari how do you know it was her? It was your other daughter." He came into the room we were in and started his ' you know what they do to guys like me, it only happened once and I said I was sorry' he started to make my baby brother cry telling him I was taking his father from him. I had my sister and grandmother make him leave I couldn't do it after years and years he couldn't admit to what he did. After a few moths he was sentenced 7-10 years in prison. Going to Therapy I was diagnosed with PTSD, depression anxiety, eating disorder. After an few months my sister started getting angry with me told me that me being fat was the reason my father ever stopped and took a break from touching me. It hurt so much because before she was my biggest supporter and now she was shoving everything that happened to me in my face. She was the one that kept me going and then boom she hated me because I took her father away from her.
My father hurt me in a way a father should never hurt his daughter, he was supposed to be my hero, my protector, my security blanket. But he wasn't he became the villain the very thing he was supposed to protect me from. I was a child I was 9 NINE I WAS FREAKING NINE and he don't protect me, he hurt me, he ripped the little girl I was smashed her broke her and then threw her into a dark closet with and chain and bolt lock.
I can't talk to my family about this none of them want to hear about what I went through I can't talk to my best friend about it because I'm afraid she'll judge me or hate me, I know it's not true that she would be there but what if she can't handle it and just leaves because I'm to much of a burden. I just want a way to let this all out this pain, this uselessness, unwantedness, I don't want to die but I don't want to be in pain.
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