Not Sure What To Do Anymore

[cheetahspots]

I don't even know if this is the right place to post this. I am just so desperate to talk to anyone. I thought things were starting to get better and finally things were going right, but it's not. I've been in therapy for almost 3 years now and just when things are going right for -me-, personally, it seems that life is falling apart for everyone I care about. And I can't do anything for them, besides listen (or fall into the "rescuer" position on the victim triangle). My parents are struggling. My best friend is struggling. My fiance is stuck on the other side of the globe in a job that is treating him like a slave and we can't get the money together to get him here so we can just start out lives together. Why is it that just when my days aren't filled with utter panic and sadness, everyone I care about is having their lives explode? And I am helpless to help them.

I have no local friends to talk to. My therapist tells me to work on my breathing, and feel accomplishment in what I've achieved for myself.. but how can I possibly be happy when the only people who care about me are sad and in need, and I can't help them? I wish I were strong. I wish I had all the answers for them and could just sweep their problems away, but again.. I can't be the rescuer. My achievements feel ruined when the only people I love are hurting. Feeling happy for myself just feels.. worthless right now, and I am so tempted to slip back into the pattern of self harm that I haven't done for the past year.

 

[Janellen]

Hi, Sorry you are feeling this way. I know that when I am feeling bad and I make the choice to cope, I feel a lot better. That means instead of ruminating, and doing any behaviors that keep you stuck in the depression, you can do an activity that keeps one engaged, like cleaning, going for a walk somewhere beautiful, getting yourself out to something, like buying something you need. Whatever is an accomplishment to you or something you like. Making the choice to cope will make you feel good about yourself.