I find that I am paying 170 bucks for the hour helps me get the most I can out of the sessions. When I was seeing another T where I had to pay half as much, it wasn't as much of a motivation to get the most out of it. But the cost of this T pushes me to the edge of financial pressure, but in a good way.
Ask yourself, what is it you really want out of therapy? You could spent years just sitting there, and be no further ahead :(.
Talk to your T about ways to talk. I relate to the dissociation stuff. One way around it was I came up with a scale of dissociation - 1 being slightly zoned out, 10 being I am not even 'there' at all (which has not happened to my knowledge, but is a huge fear of mine).
It's great you email. Are you clear in your emails about what you are ok to talk about in your sessions? If your T is continually bringing up things you wrote in your email that you are really unable to tolerate talking about or hearing him talk about it, then you need to find a way to let him know what is ok to talk about and when, and what is not. I have found that helps both my T and I work it out in terms of what is too much too soon and what is not.
Recently I sent her an email of 3 of my Biggest Fears in terms of things to talk about with her. I told her in the email I want to be able to talk about them, but am very afraid. I suggested she ask me in our sessions, and perhaps we can work on the least scary one first (as to what one was the scariest changed all the time!). She sent me a reassuring email back, and it gave me the courage to say 'ok' when she bought up my email asking me 'is it ok to talk about your email?'. She asked me which thing would I like to start with - all I could say was 'the first one', and very gently we went from there. Once I made the start, it was easier to talk about the rest. And then the following week a HUGE wave of 'new' Scariest Things came into my awareness. But we have a plan of action in terms of her always checking out with me, if it's ok to talk about it, or not yet. I hope you can do work with your T about this - he has to know how much it triggers you by bringing the stuff up, and will probably only know this if you can tell him (via email if needed).
sorry double post somehow???!!!!
triple post sorry!
