Not Wanting To Be Loved

[LizMc]

My husband, a combat vet, and I are separated. It's been 4 months and things have been kinda at a standstill. He says he still has hope for us, but he's not at a place where he wants to come home. He said he "wants to want to come home". When I asked him to explain a little more he said that he's not sure he wants to be loved, that he feels like a bad husband and a failure. And he's not a bad husband. Not by a long shot. The thing I have the hardest time with is that he really doesn't very communicate well. He holds everything inside and keeps it all bottled up. It's hard for me to connect with him like that. He's gentle and kind and fun to spend time with. He's a GOOD man. Is the feeling of not wanting to be loved a common feeling of someone with PTSD? Does it pass, come and go? If anyone has insights or experience with feelings like that, can you share?

 

[Sweetpea76]

Everybody is different, but it does seem to be a pretty common symptom.

Welcome to the forum.

Is he getting treatment?

 

[LizMc]

Everybody is different, but it does seem to be a pretty common symptom.

Welcome to the forum.

Is...

Thanks:) He's on meds that are starting to help his anxiety a bit, but they also have him taking a mood stabilizer that also used in treating seizures and that one seems to be increasing his depression. He doesn't fluctuate between highs and lows and definitely isn't bipolar, so we've voiced concern about this particular medication but the doctor insists. We both feel like he needs an anti-depressant rather than this mood stabilizer. Our local VA doesn't have a counselor anymore and told him he has to find a therapist through other means... Which is fine because we have private insurance but it's still BS of the VA. He's been so down that he hasn't gone to see the new therapist yet. Since we are separated, it's hard to encourage him to go or do anything other than let him know his paperwork is done and he can go to the new therapist I found. I'm pretty worried about the whole thing.

 

[Sweetpea76]

The VA sucks for sure! Hopefully he will seek treatment with the therapist you found... But sometimes things are rough going for awhile when they start or change treatments and meds.