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ED Nourishment Accountability Thread

#25
I just wanted to update this thread to say that my eating has been better the last 10 - 14 days.

I realised that adult me and inner kid were in total and utter disagreement about just about everything re meals and food.

So I sat down and worked out what the small area of overlap/ agreement was, and have been working with that.

I've now got a weekly meal plan that inner kid and adult me agree on and it's working pretty well. Better than all previous attempts, at least!!

Previously it would either be adult me "winning" the food and nutrition fight, or inner kid winning it, neither of which was really workable.

So this feels like a really good, healthy, workable compromise.

I hope it sticks!

Just ate a spinach and cream soup thinkened with coconut flour.
 
#26
I’m really frustrated with myself right now.

Few days ago made tandoori chicken tikka, curry, palak paneer, basmati, chutneys... ate none of it. Licked the back of a spoon twice, testing seasonings. Spot on. No further tasting needed.

Then I had a minor health crisis, didn’t eat that day.

Yesterday I meant to eat, and like Indian night, I cooked... sure. Caribbean Sammies. Did I eat them, or just serve others? You guessed it, or I wouldn’t be griping.

Today I was going to eat, but got roped into a family dinner... can’t eat there (food allergies) so once again I cooked, just didn’t eat. Why didn’t I cook food I can eat? I was planning to, but everyone else’s favorite versions of what I was making are things I’m allergic to. So I made their food and was too tired to start all over and make mine. That’s usually not a problem? I can usually cook to order vastly different things all at the same time. I was just too dang tired.

In the past 4 days I’ve had a 1oz bag of chips, coffee, and a coke. Plus licking the back of a spoon. Twice. So my brain is getting sugar, which is good. But in total that’s maaaaaaaybe 300 calories. Bodies don’t run on less than 100 kcal a day. Especially with no protein or veg to build and repair shit.

I’m just super frustrated with myself right now. And super tired. And ouchy. My everything hurts. For obvious reason, right? Easy Solution? Of course not.

Aaaaargh. This, more than anything, is why I’m so fat and out of shape. Can’t expect to have a zippy metabolism and strong lithe body, when you only eat once or twice a week. So f*cking stupid. Vexing.

There’s food in the house, so it’s not like I can’t eat. But it all needs to be cooked. I just can’t seem to make it make sense right now. Flour, water, salt, yeast is bread. I know that. But the steps to turn it from one thing into another are beyond me right now. Sleep will help with that. Sleep now, figure out the food thing in the morning.

I was doing really well for awhile. Slipping needs to stop.
 
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#27
Hey @Friday, I dunno if it's worth trying food you don't need to cook?

I have a friend who's an amazing cook and she says that "cooking a meal is kinda like eating it" and that the process of cooking kind of makes her appetite go away. It's like her brain goes "food, food, food, food" during the process of cooking and then is kind of "over" food by the time it's cooked.

Do you have any comfort foods?
Even if your comfort food(s) are unhealthy, maybe they could be a step back to eating at all and then move on from there?
 
#29
Slipping needs to stop.
Thats the first step. 👍 Yes it does. Well done.
Bodies don’t run on
Good heavens no. That will sap your strength and mess with that clever brain of yours.
This, more than anything, is why I’m so fat and out of shape
and this is the ED at the wheel controlling all and making you think what it wants and has you in the back seat doing what it wants. Taking your power and health away.
But it all needs to be cooked. I
No it doesnt. If that is leaving a loophole for the ed at the moment there are plenty of other options. You can buy ready made food. You can eat tinned food if need be. A sandwich. Lots and lots of options. If not anything else at present then there is always ensure and the like. At least it stops the brain from going to a place that makes all much worse. You also need to set out and prioritise what you will have and hold yourself accountable. Ideally see what it is that you are avoiding through not eating.

Cooking and feeding others instead of eating is a classic ed ruling the roost behaviour. You can do this. Sure you have won before. Sometimes you just need to go back to the basics. No need to be hard on yourself either. These things happen for a reason so you deserve some self kindness and compassion.
 

jaccat

MyPTSD Pro
#30
I need to return to this. I don't know why I'm finding it so hard to eat well. Even pushing myself, I've only managed to make a couple of decent meals in the last couple of months. Mostly it's yellow food- chips, bread, pastry, batter, pasta, pizza- stuff that just goes in the oven that doesn't require effort. It's fine for a bit, except nutritionally it's rubbish, and after a while on it I feel crappy. But I just can't bring myself to cook.
 
#31
I'm not happy unless I'm starving. I thought I wrote this here but the therapist actually said I was anorexic. I thought she was kidding but she has said it quite a few times. I just laugh and go on to something else. I tried a dietitian and she said I had disordered eating also. The nerve. Yeah it's not healthy and yeah I'm not properly nourished. We don't eat regular meals. It was one of those things my wife and I fought about. I just can't put any energy into it because I have so many other things. My mom cooked and put food in front of everyone. My wife's mom did the same thing. My wife didn't. She did, but it didn't matter if she didn't. I don't mind that she was like that. Her mom had the most severe eating disorder I ever saw so I just figured my wife had problems about food. That's her business. I eat once a day on average. I gained a little weight and now I'm getting back to starving. I went to the gym a lot before we moved for about three years. I starved. I was thin and muscular. Now I'm just thin. It's hard to argue with thin. I never believed I could actually have an eating disorder though. My wife says I'm obsessed with food and eating and not eating. I just figured she was complaining about me like she always does. It upsets me to talk about it. It's around dinner and I want to give in and eat. I don't know if I will or not. I'd rather not.
 
#32
So the good news is that I haven’t woken up out of a sound sleep with the horrible nausea & stabbing pain that’s like an unholy cross between a migraine & a hangover in quite some time.

The bad news is that I totally woke up that way tonight.

The somewhat worse news is the pitting Edema of the past few days that should have warned me.

My diet has been crap, lately. Not news, just been slipping. I ate really really well in May -for me- and June has just been a slide in decreasing amounts and skipping days, and I’ve been aware of that but also just feeling extra old/fat/broken (if I’m just sitting around not doing anything I don’t need food, right? :woot: )

So I made some fried rice with peas, an espresso with extra sugar, and a short rib.

It’s always an adventure in “Am I hungry, and food will help, or am I about to be violently ill?” :wtf: for the first few bites. Hey. The last thing in the world migraine cum hangover feels like is hunger.

Yep. I was just hungry.

It was really, really difficult to eat ALL of it (another bad sign on my part, a third of a cup of fried rice & 2oz of meat shouldn’t be a daunting volume of food).

I’m on the fence in regards to starting to diary amounts, in addition to diary-ing what I’m actually eating. I know me, pretty soon 3 olives sounds like gluttony, and 1 olive sounds a bit greedy, so maybe half an olive now, and half tomorrow is about right? :rolleyes: It’s a motherf*cking olive you dizzy twat. FFS. Far better to simply write down “olives” and whether that’s eating a dozen of them warmed over a brazier chatting with a friend, or 2 I snagged with a toothpick as I walked by the jar... note to self, olives were had.

But the problem with NOT notating is that I start slipping away from my serving side = palm of my hand (about half a cup, or 2-4oz, or a quarter of a sandwich) which is still probably on the slim side of normal... down to... yeah, the food I ate last week is less than my kid ate for lunch today. And he had kind of a light lunch. :bag:

It’s just vexing.

I’m thinking that I might should do a few weeks of Orgain Vegan Vanilla meal replacement shakes to get my baseline more in line AND eat real things from time to time, but I’ve been thinking that for months. But the Edema & Migraine cum Hangover I think has decided me. I just hate that I feel super fat at the moment.
 
#33
Ok so here's another one that sums it up. Foods still under the radar and can't be discussed like sex.

Don't bring it up.

Write it down?

I can't imagine the behavior I'd have to endure whilst they forced me to stop doing that because, it would be deemed abusive behavior on my part.

But I'm supposed to be mr responsible because you have to blame someone.

But actually and figuratively food is on the table now because

I have cancer.

Never mind that we have had Autism dor 25 years and the overeating and colon cancer and colostomy bags and who knows what else.

Food, the final frontier!
 
#34
Ok, here I go. I am high risk for colon cancer, and have had gastric bypass and a while back fell off the sugar wagon, and went back to drinking Colas. Oh, the bubbles, and the sugar, and the caffeine-help during stress. Amazing. I drink a lot of colas and lets just say, that I put on about 35 lbs in a year and a half. So, I'm coming off 4 wks vacation with plans to return immediately and get off the sugar fix...and caffeine. I'm not traveling or having a lot to do with people again till I got this squared away. I've done this before...it is miserable, but I notice a burst of energy in about a month and in the past, begin to feel better. Hope this time it goes well.
 
#36
I'm glad this reopened. I did not, so far, do too badly during this Covid crisis. I think I weighed 213 lbs and now, 215. I have been drinking a lot of protein shakes instead of meals. I do eat oatmeal cookies, not excessively, just to get some oatmeal, because I need oatmeal's health qualities. I'm not crazy about oatmeal.

I've gotten too lazy though. My cardiologist says I should walk every day. I took the garbage out today, walking down and up a long hallway to do so. Does that count?
 
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