General Now Friends With My Friends

[Confused nice guy]

I have posted once on here before and it was very helpful. I had been in a relationship with my girlfriend for only a few months when I received the breakup text out of nowhere with no reason or explanation. We have maintained some contact through texts, but never phone calls and she will not say a word to me if we are in the same place. Typically the texts end with her saying something mean, but not really hurtful. She occasionally sends nice texts or says she misses me. But the one time I asked to meet, she said that she didn't think we could ever be friends like that. I just wanted to know how she is, but always stops texting if I ask. This has been going on for months. I've noticed that over the last few weeks she has been spending a lot of time with some of my friends ( men and women) when I am not around. I'm confused by this since she really showed no interest in them when I introduced her to them when we were dating. She's even become friends with my gf before her. I feel like she is trying to stay near me, but says she wants nothing to do with me. Has anyone else dealt with this or similar situations? Thanks for any insight.

 

[EveHarrington]

I dunno------I tend to think of this kind of behavior as stepping over lines of social etiquette and even into the abusive territory. She won't talk to you but is making her friends your friends?

She bad mouths you to them-----they don't see her PTSD and voila your friends are now mad at you or have taken her side completely and aren't your friends anymore.

It's just weird and a little too single white female for my tastes.

It's not like you have jurisdictional lines around your friends but seriously----this could cause a lot of problems for you on down the line.

Really-----you don't go and make an ex's friends your new BFFs. Just----no.

Maybe it's best to stay away from her. I really don't see this behavior as PTSD.


Came back to add more------

I HAVE seen this behavior in personality disordered people. It was MADDENING! I wanted to scream at the person to go get their own life and stop stealing mine. I had to go NC at one point. Thank God that phase with me ended.

 

[Chimera]

Hi @Confused nice guy
Welcome to the forums.

There seem to be many red flags in her behavior...random responses in text, to keep you lingering, at her convenience...sometimes nice then abusive...sounds a bit like emotional manipulation.

Relationships with ex gf??!! Pretty disturbing.

Hanging out with your friends, but only when you're not around to defend potential character assassination...and making certain that you understand you're not "wanted" when she is present? Again, disturbing.

Honestly, I'd say don't let her run you off.
Be with your friends as often as you like, if she's present be cordial but keep the hell away from her...also, and this is important, don't get pulled back in if she gets all nice nice...she doesn't sound like very good friend/gf material and I get the impression you already know this...
Good luck!

 

[Sweetpea76]

Was she friends with these people before you guys dated? Or just through you? If it was just through you, and you only dated a few months, that is a bit on the creepy side...

 

[anthony]

I think you have a problem my friend, as that is starting to head into borderline behaviour by her. She is going to turn your life upside down basically. I would honestly stop all contact with her ASAP. Don't think about this one, just act now and remove yourself entirely from her life.

Have you had another gf since her?

 

[Confused nice guy]

She did know a few of them before, but more as just to maybe say hi to. I haven't heard anything about her bad mouthing me. She really has never done that. She did tell me that the last time she was in therapy that her therapist told her she was developing some multiple personality traits. The whole situation is really just frustrating. She even friend requested a girl I was having a drink with (she did see us together) two days later on Facebook. She had told me when we were dating that she never feels like she has any friends and never really cared to try. Now it seems like she's trying to as social as possible. I have tried to keep my distance and even deleted her number from my phone and Facebook. It just seems kind of like some game or manipulation. I didn't know if this was common of people with ptsd or just manipulative ex gf stuff.

 

[Chimera]

I don't believe these are traits of ptsd.
Not in my limited experience, though these behaviors do reek of other disorders...and honestly, I don't know enough about DID to comment there...
I honestly have to agree with Anthony's assessments and advice...if you don't step off of this...it could be very painful.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Nah... that's not PTSD stuff.

 

[Confused nice guy]

It does seem like she has changed her tone when we do text. She seems to be a little condescending and dismissive. She never used to be that way and it doesn't really seem like her. I will do a little more research on DID.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Welcome, nice guy! I have to agree with the others, this just doesn't sound right, at all. This also doesn't sound like a PTSD issue. While isolating is part of the PTSD cycle, it's really nothing like what you've described here.

Whether she is using her PTSD diagnosis in order to behave badly or she has issues over and above PTSD, she sounds like someone who needs to do some work before she'll be able to handle a relationship. Good luck to you!

 

[anthony]

her therapist told her she was developing some multiple personality traits

Having you confirm this... borderline personality or dissociative identity disorder, is highly likely.

It just seems kind of like some game or manipulation.

I honestly can not stress this enough, you need to stop all contact with her NOW. You may need to warn your friends even, that she may have borderline or dissociative personality disorder traits, which puts her into the highly unknown basket of what she may, or may not, do.

She may not want you, but she may also be fixated upon you, so that nobody else can have you.

I'm honestly not sure how serious you're taking all this right now, but my recommendation is that you step it up to serious problem immediately. I would honestly even seek professional help from a therapist skilled in personality traits, to see if they can advise you on how to handle this in the best manner.

My advice, is block her number entirely so nothing gets through, block email, the lot, and remove yourself from her life immediately and in totality.

 

[Chimera]

I dunno------I tend to think of this kind of behavior as stepping over lines of social etiquette...

The edit. Exactly.