Now I'm Feeling It Again

[Shaan]

It's weird. All these thoughts that come to my head. It didn't even matter. I said something to someone and he accepted it and then I didn't care about it anymore but after months he came back and said sorry. I wanted to say "Why are you sorry? I don't care about it anymore" but insead I just said "It's ok". We broke friendship after a few months because he didn't want to be friends (I really don't know why). Now he pinged me after 4 years and in a very casual way but all I could remember was "Sorry". I just wanted to clear it out but it seems too late. It is probably something he doesn't even think about and nor did I but now I do but I don't want him to know I do. I just want to accept that some things have to be forgotten even if the story does not have an end.

 

[KwanYingirl]

@Shaan
Are you in distress? Do you feel activated, like having flashbacks or dissociating?

 

[Changing4Best]

I had a "friend" say recently that she no longer wanted to be friends with me on a day in which she was super stressed and all sorts of things had gone wrong. I just happened to add something thqat upset her to the mix and the next day she said she didn't want to be friends! Then a week later she said to forget what she said, she was stressed that day and so on.

But I couldn't forget it, as I feel she would do it to me again, under similar circumstances. So I have distanced myself from her. None the less, once she is no longer busy as she is this summer with her daughter home from college, she'll be looking to go out to eat again and all that. I honestly don't know what I'll do, but I have sure been busy making other friends! So I won't be depending upon her only for friendship. THe more friends the better, I am learning.

I suggest you make yourself busy with other friends and you will be so occupied with their friendships, that this won't trouble you at all!

 

[Shaan]

@KwanYingirl I'm not sure. I think I have sobered down but my thoughts are still racing. When I am among people I tend to forget. The moment my head gets a tiny bit of space it races to fill itself up with these unwanted thoughts. Thoughts that I want answers for. Thoughts that are linked to memories that did not close properly. The problem is even if I manage to forget them the people are still around somewhere and the moment they get in touch it triggers all the thoughts. I cannot stay away from them because that is not possible unfortunately. And I know if things were cleared I would not feel this anxiety but as they say, you cannot get answers to everything in life. And besides no point bringing it up when maybe I am the only one who is thinking about it and not the other person.

@SheilaKathy I do have some other people who have suddenly cut off and yes I do feel bad but the only thing is some trigger not so negative thoughts and some trigger a little too many. So not everything bothers me so much. Only certain ones.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Avoidance is a symptom if PTSD. I know I prefer to isolate my feelings and have difficulty making and sustaining connections to people. My supposed best friend broke off plans for lunch with me a couple of weeks ago, saying it was her grandsons birthday, and then later that day she posted a photo on Facebook of her and a friend drinking at a bar. Ouch. I haven't spoken to her since as she does not answer my calls.

I've been wasting a lot of time fuming about that. Best friends don't make up stories, they should be honest.

 

[Shaan]

@KwanYingirl You are right. I do that too. I don't talk it out but I console myself saying they had a reason to do so. But if they cut off (Like this person did), then come back after ages I might not remember the good things but only the bad. And it also depends on how the person comes back. I had a friend I cut off with and she came back with an apology which was acceptable and we have been friends ever since. This guy came back so cold and when he started speaking he spoke as though we were still living in the past and thats what made me shiver. No reason for cutting off and also a lie that he did not block me from the social networks because he doesn't even know how to use the block options! Sometimes I feel I want an answer to why he blocked me but other times I am scared that maybe the answer would trigger me in another way so better stay safe and away.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Yes, I agree. I want to have the courage to face the fact that I just wear people out with my moods, anxiety, depression. And of course my chemical sensitivities that close me into a bubble of safety. But on the other hand it's just easier to let them abandon me.

 

[Shaan]

I think I do realise I bug people with my behavior and I even apologize but in the end I believe that they don't understand me the way I want to anyway. I have trust issues but I still trust.

And of course my chemical sensitivities that close me into a bubble of safety.

I didn't quite get this.

Frankly I don't really know anymore what makes me happy and what not. Why do we have friends? Can we not be self sufficient?

 

[KwanYingirl]

I had a bad chemical injury and am now allergic to most man made chemicals. I can't go hardly anywhere. So I try to imagine a bubble around me that protects me from being over exposed to fumes and also from being over sensitive to people's negative energy that does not serve my greater good.

Issues that fellow sufferers does not feel negative to me because I identify with it. It is a mutual admiration group. But in life people can be downright nasty, narcissistic, abusive, etc. I try to protect myself from them.

I got some crystals and worry dolls to help me from constantly worrying about the future or who's going to hurt me. I don't know why I have so much fear, I just do all the time.

 

[Shaan]

@KwanYingirl I know it would feel horrible to be there. I don't want to see anyone in that state and I hope you get away from it soon.

 

[KwanYingirl]

@Shaan
Relationships are tricky. If we lived in an egalitarian society, we would do all we could to keep our members healthy and secure. But some people we call friends have alterior motives. We're not perfect. We have disappointments and feelings that get hurt but many times we have a blast with friends.
Here's a saying:
Never forget 3 types of people in your life:
1. Who helped you in your difficult time
2. Who left you in your difficult time
3. Who put you in a difficult time

 

[Shaan]

@KwanYingirl Once upon a time I liked this saying. But all I want to remember is: who helped me in difficult time. The others make my head spin.