Hi, I wanted to bring this thread forward, as up until about the middle of last year I had no idea about the full implications of PTSD in my life. At no time did anyone tell me I would always have it. Although bad treatment and misdiagnosis hasn't helped either.
But my point is; the realisation that I would always have PTSD (and I came to it on my own over a 2 month period- May/June time last year) was a very powerful turning point for me. And it was some kind of hell also, because I didnt have enough understanding of it. Or anyone to counsell me that I could live with it either.
And I wish in some and many ways that someone had told me. And explained to me about it and that I could live with it. I guess though if they had done that bit they would then have been faced with me asking "how?" and then they would have had to do something there and then perhaps.
My point was I never knew and was discouraged big time from trying to help myself....being told things like; "would you perform your own surgery if you needed an op? No? well why do you think you can do anything about the PTSD then? right so leave it to us". and it wasn't even that direct a lot of the time, it has been a constant undermining of me being a part of my treatment and or healing. It has been ridiculous and I really believed I had no hope at all, until I came here. It makes you wonder...
"Well you're going to have this always, but you can live with it." I think if I had known I would have been better about so much of it. Because since then I have become so much more proactive about my own treatment and healing, and frankly that is what you have to be. Beacuse at the end of the day we are the ones that will have to cope with it and we are the ones that will have to devise strategies etc.
I had been told and steered away from discovery of anything PTSD because how would this help me? We are the only ones that can help you! (the health professionals), and to be honest, I sometimes feel very much like this is how they want it. Me to be dependent, I THINK NOT NOW thankyou very much. Yes, I need help and I need treatment-guided help, but keeping me down forever ....rather not thankyou. And having to wait years and years and then some more, has not helped me at all. I could have been working on this at least some and I think, maybe I would not have lost quite so much of my life, before begining, although better late than never maybe.
And again hindsight is always perfect 20/20 vision. But I do know myself a bit, and I know I would have been less afraid to tackle finding ways to cope if it had not been looked upon by the professionals as taboo and medication as the only light. So I may have done sooner if I had trusted myself more and listened a little less to someone undermining me. I could say I would, hell.. I can say!! I would say, I am doing just that now.... hah!!!
So maybe I have some other stuff to write up tonight now....how Im feeling etc etc
My point is....let go as the thread says, we have PTSD now, But, we can have a life with it, and it doesn't have to be any less meaningful because of the PTSD. Good days or bad days, these are still OUR days.
Thankyou becvan again.
~fin
(feeling slightly more positive and slightly more real tonight, and also slightly more capable and slightly less afraid), and soo way more rambly hah!
(this wasn't supposed to sound blaming, although I do know I have some treatment issues...hah I think you all know by now I have some treatment issues...hope you understand what I was trying say....I know I have rambled again masses-sorry about that)
