Now VS. Then... PTSD VS. Non PTSD Days

[fin]

I reacted badly to a response to my first post in this thread, in part I think because the grieving didn't seem to be acknowledged as a valid response. Grief doesn't last forever, but it does need to be worked through. I have 35 years to mourn. .

I feel so bad Seychelle, I look back and see that mine was the first response after your first post to this thread. I did not mean not to acknowledge your pain or grieving, I was trying to say that I understood. I had hoped that the new thread might be able to help you also in some way, I can see that it didn't, from your post here and there also, and for that I apologize unreservedly.

I was trying to show that perhaps there could be another way to look at the PTSD itself, I really, really am so very sorry. If I could go back and redo my wording I would. I was trying to work on different coping strategies, and had thought this through because I absolutely got what you were saying here. I can identify with what you wrote, and I know I must have seemed, well I can see that I did come across as terribly insensitive.

I was trying to use less words, I had begun that thread here and then moved it out because I didn't want you to think that I had not acknowledged your pain, but I had come to the other thread in response to you. I thought about what you had written and what my experience had been, and I thought that perhaps I had found some new way to look at the PTSD as something that had helped me to survive. I don't know how helpful that thinking and idea of mine was, but I was trying to find some way not to hate the PTSD that we have. Because I was becoming chewed up by it, and angry, and I knew I had to somehow change that way of thinking. The anger at myself and my self hatred and so many other feelings at the time was begining to envelope me. I was desperate to try to find another way to look at my situation and when I read your post here, Ibecame more determined to try to find something. I want you to know, I know how it is to be like this and have no pre, I feel your pain Seychelle. I may not know exactly what you have been through, but I hope you know that my insensitivity was more stupidity and eagerness to share with you some new thought that I felt might help you also.

I really am so terribly sorry for your pain and I hope you can believe it was not intentional there. I agree with you about mourning and grieving, and I really acknowledge your loss Seychelle. I really am very sorry.


~fin

 

[becvan]

Please let me be clear here:

This thread is NOT about the natural grieving process of change from non-PTSD to PTSD.

The thread is about being stuck in grieving for the non-PTSD days. This thread is about those who are stuck and are NOT moving forward.

bec

 

[fin]

Bec I am sorry, I knew when I brought it forward that it wasnt about anything else, I thought it would be something that would help someone as it has helped me. I find it very encouraging and got so much from it Bec thankyou...I think it is just brilliant, I am sorry it got dragged down, honestly

~fin

 

[becvan]

fin: you really need to to stop apologizing!!!

Threads have a way of going this way and that way. It's the nature of things. Just because I pop in and clarify why I started this thread and what it's about does not mean anyone is at fault.

Only apologize if your truly at fault or wrong. Deal?

bec

 

[Tinyflame]

I get a bit confused trying to compare the non-ptsd days to the ptsd days in the sense that it's comparing a kid to an adult, and also so much time has passed. There was a time there when I longed for what felt like a happier, more carefree time, but what really helped me was a friend just said in passing, that "no one is the same 20 years later; our hearts change, we change. There would be something wrong if we didn't!"

Then I thought to myself, I wouldn't be the "same" person even if ptsd had never been an issue. It was a real relief, really, to be able to (finally) let it go.

 

[fin]

fin: you really need to to stop apologizing!!!

Just because I pop in and clarify why I started this thread and what it's about does not mean anyone is at fault.

Only apologize if your truly at fault or wrong. Deal?

Deal, Thankyou Bec, I was very tired yesterday. I can see I need to try harder sometimes to let go of thinking everything is my fault, thankyou for helping me to remember. I have looked back and can see and can also accept a little better when it isn't.

I want to laugh with relief at thinking maybe I am making some progress in myself with this pTSD thing, and all my days with it.

This thread has rocked for me in more ways than one. This is one of those good pTSD moments you were talking about at the begining...hah!! This is just so cool!! It is a little WOW knowing I can maybe move forward, and maybe I am doing a little. And it is just so cool that someone isnt afraid to tell me and help me see. And trying to learn to accept when I still keep getting it wrong is a good one too. But yes I am able to see that today, that maybe I didn't need to apologize on that one-THankyou Bec. Total DEAL thankyou

Thanks Bec.

~fin

 

[jeapea]

I don't think I grieve for my pre-ptsd state as others who used to know me do. Their pressure and lack of accepting me as I am now causes me more stress than myself wishing some things had never happened.

 

[cragger65]

I do miss the pre-PTSD me. I was a lot less self-critical, and I laughed a lot more. On the other hand, PTSD has awoken greater compassion for suffering in me. Hmmm... I think I'd sill like my sense of humour back. And the critical voice in my head can go straight to hell, any time now would be fine.