Nowhere Is Safe

[LGC]

Thanks so much everyone.

I've never had the panic take over like that. It was awful. I wanted never to come home, and missed everyone so much, all at once.

I'm home now and my husband and son are hiding the keys from me for a while, at my request. We live way out in the country so without a vehicle, I can't run far. :)

Seeing the counsellor this week and going to try to move up the psychiatrist appt too ... I don't want to put my family through this again.

 

[LGC]

Figured out what happened ... Trauma reenactment.

I ran away once in the Original Story. And I wanted to / had plans to many more times back them as well.
For some reason, it caught me in a time warp flashback and poof I was gone.


Hopefully that's been discharged now and won't come back.

Still very fragile, but doing a little better. So strange how powerful the old fear is, how it can come up from a place where there aren't any words, where there isn't even a clear story ... And make you act so strangely.

I think I now have greater respect for the power of the PTSD - not its power over me, just a better sense of how truly big this is. I've been heavy on the minimizing for a long time, I think this wake up call will help me be more vigilant and proactive in my care.

 

[Justmehere]

I'm so glad you are finding some relief and better understanding of what was going on for you.

I get caught in trauma reenactment cycles a lot. They are very powerful. I'm finally breaking them with therapy too.

For what it is worth, I think you are doing a lot of very good things in how you are handling this - you deserve kudos.[DOUBLEPOST=1397689577][/DOUBLEPOST]I'm so glad you are finding some relief and better understanding of what was going on for you.

I get caught in trauma reenactment cycles a lot. They are very powerful. I'm finally breaking them with therapy too.

For what it is worth, I think you are doing a lot of very good things in how you are handling this - you deserve kudos.

 

[scout86]

Glad to hear you're doing a little better! And, yeah, it's a strange and mysterious world sometimes.