Nursing With Ptsd

[Kaii]

My PTSD was caused by finding a young girl who had been beaten to death, stuffed into a garbage bag and dumped in the woods.

I am a nurse and am currently on stress leave because of this. However, I only have 2 more weeks left. The thought of returning to work, when I don't even leave the house on a daily basis, is overwhelming.

I cannot even cope with my own emotions and anxiety, how can I go back to work and deal with the suffering and sickness of others?

I feel like if I had a patient who passed away(a fairly common occurrence at the hospital) or worse, if I had to perform post mortem care on a patient, that I would completely lose it. The thought of touching a dead body right now is not one that I could handle.

The fear and anxiety of returning to work has been so intense that I have even been thinking of finding a new job. But the only thing is, that I am not qualified to do anything else. I have been a nurse my entire adult life. I have a pension and good benefits at the hospital. I feel stuck.

I don't know what to do.....

 

[kers]

It must be so difficult to be facing a job that you normally love but which now inspires terror.

Have you been getting treatment while on leave? Have you been able to work out contingency plans with a therapist? Can you work out with HR an alternate placement temporarily that would give you more administrative duties, or a slow return to your normal duties? Your work will be a difficult form of exposure therapy; that's why it is so scary. I hope you have someone you can trust by your side (like a therapist or doctor) who can help you through it.

I hope one of the other nurses on here will be able to give you more practical advice than I can; keep poking around for them.

 

[cherryblossom]

Sometimes, you just have to 'feel the fear, and do it anyway'. I'm not being unkind, or uncaring in saying these words. But you do have to find a way to move on from this. You volunteered to go looking for this missing girl. You are clearly a kind and compassionate person for doing this. I do understand the emotional turmoil of finding the missing girl , dumped in the woods. But her life, death and demise, was not of your doing. Yes, it is tragic, but don't let 'her passing' ruin even more lives.

We all know that the only certainty in life, is death. And sometimes life is taken prematurely. Nothing you do now, can change the past. Make your future worth while, by continuing the job, that you clearly have a calling for.

I'm a paramedic. When people start out their day, they never expect to end up in the back of an ambulance. All I can do is use my medical skills to help save their life, and almost more important than that ; my 'people skills', to make their ambulance experience as untraumatic as it can be.

You are a nurse, don't let this one experience stop you from doing your job. If I turned up, as your patient, I would be honoured to have you look after me, because you clearly have lots of compassion to give.

Take care
CB

 

[lonetree]

I agree with kers that your job if full of triggers. If you had someone you trusted at work who could help you through the rough times as well as going to a therapist it could only help.

You need to allow your self to be the patient this time rather than the other way around. ;)

 

[Tessa]

Hi Kaii,
I am a nurse too who has PTSD after being badly beaten up and locked in a small room on a remote outstation waiting for the police to resue me. I was blamed for not getting there in time when an old woman died. I have also seen terrible scenes which you describe.
I was put on a graded return to work with assistance from a psychologist. We developed strategies to help me cope such as wearing a master key around my neck and having a mobile phone because of my terror of confined spaces.
The best advice a Dr gave me was to treat PTSD like a chronic illness such as diabetes . You will have highs and lows and triggers however if you understand them they are more easily managed

Please take care and I am sending caring thoughts to a fellow nurse.

 

[Manic11]

First off, good for you for even getting out of bed and going to work everyday. With all the triggers at your work, I can't see that being easy at all.
Is it possible for you to take more time off for counseling and treatment? Maybe if you speak to your family doctor about this, you can see what they recommend. I, personally, find them great advice givers when it comes to situations with work (at least, the doctors I've had).

I hope these things are possible.

Manic

 

[anthony]

I am a nurse and am currently on stress leave because of this. However, I only have 2 more weeks left. The thought of returning to work, when I don't even leave the house on a daily basis, is overwhelming.

Some anxiety of return to work is purely that... being the work environment itself.

If I where you, I would start going in now on your own efforts, see a few people, say hi, have a chat and get yourself used to the environment again on your terms.

Start small, then slowly increase over the next couple of weeks, so that you remove the return to work anxiety component, so its not confused with any anxiety due to your trauma. Both can feed each other, so you are best to remove one to truly ascertain your trauma anxiety.

I would not leave it any longer and begin this process if you have to return to work.

Right now you have the advantage of controlling your anxiety levels by small exposure and building up over the next two weeks. Make use of that control I say.

 

[AdamAnt]

If in the end you still can't deal with the job you have, perhaps you could retrain in a field that utilizes the skills you've already learned as well as new ones...it would be great if there were a PTSD grant out there for just this situation!

 

[Lucycat]

I too am a nurse and did what Anthony has suggested above. Before returning to work, I met some of my colleagues for a coffee. Just one or 2 at a time. Informal and no talking about my trauma. Then I went in to the workplace and sat and chatted to some staff without actually being on duty.

I found this slow integration worked well for me. Additionally I had a 'phased return' wherby my working hours increased to normal over a period of a month.

It was not easy, but having a definitive plan in place removed the anxiety of the return for me.

 

[anthony]

I did exactly the same with the military when I was first diagnosed, specific hours a couple days a week, then a couple of full days, then back to a normal week. It failed overall for me, but we tried it nonetheless and it did work for the process. Whether you are able to work with PTSD is unique... some can, some can't.

 

[dhawkins78412]

I think this is an interesting topic. I'm not a nurse; I was an Army medic and certified EMT. While working in an emergency room I identified a girl who was being sexually abused by her dad or stepfather I'm not sure which. A young girl doesn't get the symptoms she had, which now I don't remember. It was me who told the dr and nurse what I thought. Child services were called. I felt good about that. Wish someone had done that for me.

I've seen dying and dead people and it's shocking. I feel numb for a few days. While training I saw a little boy who got run over by a truck. You could see the tire track across his torso. He was dead. They tried to resusitate him to no avail.

The first time I saw an autopsy I was in shock for 3 days. I just couldn't beleive this is done. I was thinking this is someone's son and you're taking things from his body. Personally I told family I don't want an autopsy.

I've been on codes and knew the person was dead and I say, they're dead.

I think we can just do our best. The medical field isn't God and can fix everything that's wrong with us.

I'm not sure if I'm saying anything that can be of comfort to you. I've known others who've seen something so tragic and they quit that line of work.

I dont' think anyone has found the answer to why bad things happen. I'm not sure if you're relegious but its based on faith. I'm relegious-christian. I'll try to explain this. We see terrible things. We see pain and suffering. Our pain is seeing others in pain and sorrow. And wonder why does God allow these things to happen. I've asked this about my own trauma. For some reason I beleive God saved my life. I wasn't killed.

If we lose our faith we open ourselves up for you know who to take you. You're where you are for a reason. Maybe like me and I helped a girl from further abuse. To comfort, to empathize and many numerous other reasons. You are protected by your faith. I heard in a sermon once you're exactly where God wants you to be.

So I guess I'm saying dont' quit. Yet the choice is up to you of course. One thing I've found out from others is almost everyone has been in some sort of traumatic experience. Life is trauma; life is stress. Its the way it is and we are unable to control it; which is frustrating and sad. The majority of us accept our fate. Which should get us some brownie points don't you think.

Ok, when I was a child my mom got us a kitten. (Mom is a bad mother.)The kitten would follow me and I loved the kitten very much. Then we went on a family trip. I didn't realize at that age about asking someone to watch over the cat, a grown up lets say. I didn't think about it.

I couldn't find the kitten when we returned till I saw it had been skinned and was tacked to a board by the creek we would play at. Nearby was a cage. For a long time I couldn't bear to think about it at all. It caused me so much pain I avoided thinking about it. The pain and suffering the kitten went thru. I had no one to share this pain with. My mother didn't comfort me.

The landlord's dumb kid thought it was a stray. At some point I could think about it. I'm not sure exactly caused me to be able to think about it. Yet I can think about it now. What can I do? I can treat my animals with responsiblility and love. I can't bring the kitten back.

I dont' stand for neighbors who neglect their pets. I dont' care if they like me or not. I'm not standing up for them. I'm standing up for the animal. Most of our pets are rescued pets. We contribute to a no kill shelter here in town.

You're there to help,identifiy,whatever. Not be a bleeding heart, but treat creatures respectfully. As others have said we are unable to do anything about what has happened. And their soul wouldn't want to see you suffer. What's done has been done. A teacher once told us why cry over spilt milk. Easier said then done. Just think about it.

Anthony and other moderators; I've tried to read the rules but haven't read all of them. I'm not sure if a religious slant is acceptable in our writings

 

[dhawkins78412]

Thank you.