Obsessively Counting- Why?

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Last week I started obsessively counting to 5. I started by counting a set of markers into groups of 5. Then I kept doing it. I was at therapy when this started. My therapist asked me a question and I told her I couldn't answer. When she asked why, I said that I had to count the markers. With my permission, she hid the markers. She handed me some paper and tried to refocus me on a task to prepare for my trip. Instead I wrote the numbers 1-5 over and over. When writing, I could hold a simple conversation with my therapist, but that was about it. Once the page was filled, she took it and the pen and I started counting the petals on a flower that was on a tissue box.

While I was on my trip I started counting to 5 while in the car or while people were talking or while getting ready for bed. The numbers would be silent for a while, sometimes long stretches, and then they'd suddenly be back. Over and over again.

Today I had another therapy appointment and it was going fine. Usually she reads my journal and then we reflect on whatever popped out as important. Today, we reflected on the trip some before she read my journal and that was about all that I wrote about. So we had plenty of time to actually focus on harder topics, but I started counting. And I couldn't stop. I started trying to count the holes for the spiral on my notebook. It was hard to keep track, but I couldn't make myself grab the notebook so that I could actually count them into groups of 5. We started talking about who I would see on the 4th of July, and I was able to answer and then I realized that I had stopped counting. I tried to go back, but I was so frustrated that I couldn't count the holes successfully that I got super anxious. When I left, I started counting out loud and didn't even know it until my therapist told me.

I feel like I have had times in my life when I may have counted before, but I can't recall any details. I do not know why I am counting now, why it is the number 5, or how to help myself stop. Any thoughts?

 

[Justmehere]

It might be a self soothing behavior that perhaps give a sense of order and distraction from pain. I don't know what is going on for you - there are a number of things that can lead to obsessive kind of patterns including counting. I have seen really traumatized kids do similar things when they feel scared or struggling with transitions or working through trauma. I don't know if it is very common, but it happens.

I think it's great that you and your therapist are working on it.

 

[Laura 2]

• Congratulations! All by your brilliant self, you've stumbled upon a new treatment for PTSD developed by Dr Frank Ochberg, a leading trauma expert. (search for 'the counting method' and his name).

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

I do it so much it haunts me, as I literally didn't stop for nearly an entire year or so while on a certain medication (woke up doing it, did in the night, all day, in my head in the background, while people were talking and so on - all the time). "1 and 2 and 3 and 4 and 5 and 6 and 7, 8 and" repeated over and over. It became nightmarish and painful and the ticking of clocks would set me going - they still do and if I'm not careful and it becomes very difficult habit to break and makes me very unwell. The only thing is the counting can be useful to stop other intrusive and triggering thoughts for me, so I changed it up and now count; 1-2-3-4, 2-2,3-4, 3-2-3,4, 4-2-3-4 and involve my fingers tapping with it, but never for more than a minute or so and I have developed other halting mechanisms for bad thought processes like picturing a big and bold red hexagon with a cross through it and saying "NO" or "Stop" a lot, unfortunately this too can be triggering and it's all obsessive for me - it does help but it also makes things worse. I'm sure that it has benefits because I do feel them but - AAGGH!!!

 

[Meadowsweet]

I used to count and sort, and count again, as a child. I think it helps to fill the mind when you don't want to think. I still count to go to sleep sometimes, and if I'm in a situation that I have to endure (like the dentist).

I think it can be a healthy way to stave off anxiety, but from what you've said, it would seem that your mind is holding on to the counting. A good time to stop would be in a therapy session - sometimes just saying it out loud "I'm finding it difficult to stop counting", is enough to start taking control of it again.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

@Kas_Can_Fly - My therapist was suggesting I try to put in a letter instead of just numbers to break up the counting. I couldn't. I have always hated repetitive things- they make me nauseated. So I make myself quite sick after awhile if I count for too long. Luckily I haven't been counting all day every day- that must have been really, really hard for you!

@Meadowsweet - I think that it might be a way to stave off anxiety, but it is definitely getting in the way. I reflected more on it last night when I was writing in my journal and I was thinking perhaps it's avoidance- not wanting to deal with feelings or topics. I guess in a way it could be self-soothing, but I do need to find control of it.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts.

 

[xena21]

I feel like I have had times in my life when I may have counted before, but I can't recall any details. I do not know why I am counting now, why it is the number 5, or how to help myself stop. Any thoughts?

Have you ever been diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)? It sure sounds a lot like that. I have OCD severely and I do a lot of counting among other things. It always flares up when I am under more stress. If you are under a lot more stress than before it might just have shown its ugly head.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

@xena21 - My therapist has referenced OCD, but not stated whether she feels that I have it. She will refer to some things that I do or say as "magical thinking" and I know she is referring to OCD tendencies when she says that. I don't really know a lot about OCD so perhaps it's time to learn. I think my life has been filled with stress for awhile...