Supporter Of A Cptsd First Responder......and I Am Drowning

[Amack]

I will try to keep it short. I have been helping support my CPTSD spouse for some time. Unfortunately he did not have the best family life and has very minimal healthy coping skills. The last four years he has been in episode after episode with very little breath time. I am at my wits end as a supporter. There is simply NOT support groups where I live for this so it has been years of me on the internet trying to find answers and counselors. Its been a roller coaster ride to say the least. The last two years has drained us of all our savings bc gambling become his new favorite pastime. Our kids have suffered the loss of their once very active and loving dad. It is like many have said " I woke up one day and he was gone." I try to understand I read and read and study (I love to learn anyway) but all I come to is HE is here bc he does not want to do the things necessary to change. I have asked him several times do you not remember 4 years ago? We were so different? He is on so many meds I can't figure out if that has something to do with it or if he has been hurting like this for so long he has forgot how to cope well......Its mind boggling. His career is to say the least the most staggering affect on the PTSD episodes but he REFUSES to find something else to do...... he is a first responder. Anyway, like I said before I have NO one close and NO friends who have a clue what we go through as a family............

 

[Justmehere]

Welcome to the forums Amack! You are in a tough place for sure. PTSD is hard enough, adding a gambling addiction into the mix makes it even harder. :(

It is tyre that in order for him to change, he has to be ready and want to do the hard work required. Right now, what he is doing seems like to him a better option than facing the pain he is running from. He may not make any changes until he hits his "rock bottom" where the pain of his current way of doing things becomes greater than his fear of facing the underlying pain and trauma.

It so hard to be with someone who is tanking their life and who is unwilling to even try to turn things around. I can only imagine how hard it would be with kids involved too.

I hope that you find some support and connection here. I think you will find many people who can relate with your struggle.

:hug:s to you if you accept them.

 

[Friday]

There is simply NOT support groups where I live for this

I hear that. Have to travel 5 hours each way (leaving the state) to find military & first responder resources for trauma in my area. Boggles the mind.

Best info, support, community, solid science, hell... Just a wealth of resources & experience... that I've ever found, though, have been right here. <grin>

Welcome to the forums.

 

[seedling]

Welcome to the forum.

he does not want to do the things necessary

Or: not ready to, doesn't want to believe he has to.

Whatever it is, it's to hard on those around him. I am sorry you are at this point. I hope that he can come to a place where he reaches out for help.

All the best to your family.

 

[Sweetpea76]

We have an awesome supporter section here. Just being able to talk, vent, or get advice from people who "get it" is a huge sanity saver.

Welcome to the forum!

 

[Amack]

Thank You. The comments were all encouraging. And thank you for a quick response. I wish not only for myself, but, for those in the same field of work as my husband. I am infuriated at the lack of help for first responders and the comfortable place those in office seem to be camping out in. I know for many states and countries it is coming to the forefront I just wish I was in a stable place to blast the alarm and get others help.......but aye, I am not there for now.

 

[intothelight]

@Amack Welcome to the forum!

It is pretty common for people with PTSD to have addiction(s) as even negative coping is coping. However, it is important for them to deal with the addiction and sometimes that has to be dealt with first before they can even start to work on the trauma. The hardest part for a family member is the waiting as it is something they have to choose to do for themselves, but at the same time you need to take care of yourself and your children and do what is best for your family. I hope you find the information and support here helpful.

 

[Mytime]

Welcome to the forum. I am also new and my husband is a first responder also. Which can make thing alittle trickier because you don't know what shit they are going to face this shift. I hope he'll get the help he needs. I hope you get the help you need also.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Addictions suck. Is there really no place to get help, counseling, anything? 4 years of enduring this is a lot.

Hes hurting you a lot, not a good thing. As it's getting to the edge of endurance, maybe an ultimatum would help.

:hug: Welcome to the forums

 

[Livy's Mom]

Welcome Amack. As you read my situation is quite similar and this forum has been incredibly helpful.

I have made friends with other supporters and although thousands of miles away, they GET IT, and when I need to be heard , they hear me.

Stick around and ask tons of questions. The knowledge and experience here is so so helpful.

Sending you my kindness