Oh God - Meeting Boss Tommorow

[louise burke]

Just that really - help please around how to manage this
i have a meeting with my employer tommorow. I work for the nhs in mental health seeing children with aspegers in England. I am good at what I do i think! I'm 33

I have had a tough time lately with my dad being diagnosed with cancer. This along with working long hours has really affected my anxiety and I am jumpy and irritable. I jump when people approach me from behind. The phone was ringing and ringing the other day at someone's desk and i really lost it and shouted at this 'person' "she's not here" . I also swore profusely at my computer, calling it a bastard after it froze on me. The manager came over and told me my language would not be tolerated! I am really struggling in an open plan office particularly with phones ringing and people approaching me from behind. I don't actually feel angry, I just have these moments when i lose it and them applogise profusely, looking stupid and saying 'sorry I didn't mean to act like that'....i am taking mirtazapine and fluoxetine combo and have had both upped recently and am feeling so much better for it.

I am doing ok, but my manager has said that there are 'concerns' around my behaviour and presentation. He has said not to worry, we will have a good chat and go from there. I am feeling better than i was. I know the bad language will be at the top of his list which is under my influence, to a point...

so my questions are these
my boss is reasonable. how would you tackle this meeting?
have you been in a similar predicament when a boss is worried about you?
how did it go asking for your accomdations, if you asked?
what did you ask for?
How has it helped?
How does your ptsd affect your work?

really looking forward to hearing from you!!!!

Louise

 

[maligator]

Just that really - help please around how to manage this
i have a meeting with my employer tommor...

For the first question, being forthcoming and honest are the most important factors in these situations, even if it feels uncomfortable. You're asking for understanding from your employer so keep in mind it's your job to help him understand. Explain what you're experiencing and what steps you've already taken to try to alleviate the situation, that shows you're taking an active role and responsibility for yourself and not making excuses. If you feel it's appropriate, ask what he would prioritize to change (though it sounds like you have a good idea) and try to focus on those the most if you find it overwhelming to "fix yourself" all at once. Practice making those changes outside of work so it more quickly becomes habit. Come up with some ideas of how you can do that and discuss with him.

For the rest, yes I've been in situations where my employers were concerned about my health and work performance. In all instances it's gone well, whether I've needed a sick day or needed to have my work schedule rearranged. Honestly the worst situations have always been when I failed to communicate my own situation, because my employers were not able to view my actions in proper context. I was asking them to read my mind and interpret my behavior accurately and so far I have not met a psychic!

I've had my employer explain to my coworkers about how to handle the situation, asked him to speak on my behalf about things like not approaching you from behind. Maybe they can send you a message (I assume you have some instant messaging service) if they need to get in touch, or if you're comfortable with communicating to your coworkers it could be really beneficial to you all if you just stated how you're feeling and that it's not a personal thing, and that you're earnest in trying to recover.

Often times I ask to do work in the back or I will take over someone else's more "menial" duties like cleaning or filing to avoid positions of greater stress. I try to be as productive as possible, and on days where I am doing well I try to be mindful to put in extra initiative and effort to show I am sincere. Sometimes my condition affects how I interact with clients, largely I can put on a good face and survive those situations but it leads to a stressful fallout where other symptoms like dissociation can crop up throughout the day. My coworkers have found me unresponsive and huddled in corners more often than I'd like to admit, largely due to my insistence on pushing myself too far and not communicating my needs. Since I've gotten better at communicating and accepting it's okay to ask for a little help and understanding, and everything has run a lot more smoothly for everyone.

If you're stressed and have quick ways to alleviate some stress even marginally, take time to do that, don't let it boil over. Whether that means taking an extra bathroom break to mediate or take a walk around the building, it's important not to keep your mind in that state for prolonged periods without a break I don't think. Doing something else and getting really engaged with it, like office exercises, is often helpful to survive the day.

More importantly, sad to hear you're having a struggle. Sounds like you're hard enough on yourself, so take some time and thought for you too.

 

[louise burke]

thank you for your kind words. wish me luck. i'll let you know how it went

 

[illusionist]

Hi Louise......I Haven't personally experienced this, but know of a boss who has been through something similar with his employees. What he was looking for at the meeting was that the employee was taking steps to improve their situation......that's very important!......that they have good communication, and are willing to work alongside others to improve things...willing to take responsibility for their own actions.....I've shared many conversations with him regarding this...me basically trying to explain why people go on the defence.....they really, really don't want to hear that. They only want to hear that the person is able to improve, backed up by facts ie. your medication.

I have just asked his advice on this under the guise of asking for a friend. He said as long as you show openness, and willingness to do all that you can do, then you have absolutely nothing to worry about.

No worries, you will be fine.

 

[Neverthesame]

Would you be allowed to hang a mirror on your wall or monitor?
You'll be able to see someone approach from behind.

 

[louise burke]

thank you all - 3 hours and counting. i must say the mirtazapine is a blessing - i slept from 11pm til 2am, then 2.30 til 6 and will try and get another hour. highly recommended!

 

[louise burke]

i have just come out of the meeting.....OMG!

I am seeing the funny side in it

So, bearing in mind I work in mental health, 2 of the nurses have commented on my 'jumpy and manic' behaviour, saying that I have been swearing loudly (true), I'm not sure what evidences the manic comment (though I was 'caught' laughing at a digger truck out of the office window when it got stuck in a hole) and that I have been jumpy - also true. After dying of sheer embarassement, I have had a chat with my manager who will speak to the originators of the comments to put the record straight with them. He is going to tell them I have a mixed anxiety disorder meaning I dislike being approached from behind, and can be jumpy for that reason. He also is going to identify a disused cupboard where I can go and listen to some chill out music if I am feeling a but anxious instead of sitting at my desk being jumpy. He's referring me to occupational health so that my requirement for a desk against a wall can be evidenced.

I hope he is putting those scoundrels right! They clearly don't know what it is to have an anxiety disorder or ptsd! Mental health nurses should know better. and all of this, sadly, had gone round as a rumour that I am unstable in some way, when really, I have performed exceptionally well in my work and have managed to keep going despite having to pick up and drop off my dad repeatedly at hospital for his chemo. I am still the same capable person I was, just a bit more prone to anxiety and under a lot of stress. sometimes I can't believe people can be so dumb!

anyway, good result for me and some education for the mental health nurses!

 

[Lucycat]

Well done Louise. On a small practical level I was thinking about the ringing telephone. If that person is frequently out of the office can it not be restricted to 3 rings before it switches to an answer phone or even have the ring replaced with a flashing light that does not disturb the rest of the office.

I turned my desk slightly so that I could see the door out of the corner of my eye. Also we had a sign asking people to knock before entering so much of the time you had a warning. Of course other people who used the office daily did not knock, but it did help.

It would appear you have a more understanding boss than I did. I gave up and retired in June having worked as a Paediatric Nurse for 30 years. My CPTSD was not considered and they just kept piling on the pressure until I quit. I did not have the difficulty with swearing - but I had colleagues without mental health issues who used worse language commonly -in the office. I was always jumpy and anxious. I did use Occ Health when I had to - they were very supportive, but manager said the Occ Health dept advice was just that - advice. She was not obliged to follow that advice if she disagreed! Actually I complained to my boss's boss and that did not go down well, but it stopped her targeting me and I avoided her whenever I could. I am not the only person to have a problem with this boss - others have left before me because of her. There have been numerous complaints and even a disciplinary hearing regarding a patient complaint against her. But it all slides off as she carries on. Interestingly she is a Psychiatric Nurse but has no compassion or caring skills!

 

[louise burke]

Thank you to all of you who took time out to reply. I appreciate it. Will be sure to pass the favour on. Ironically someone approached from behind at the photocopier, i jumped, said 'oh f***' and they apologized to me saying sorry I diudnt mean to make you jump, I know you don't like that. Usually it's me apologising for looking crackers. But that is the point, I am not crackers and have valid reasons for not liking people doing that. So there you go mental health education for the UK's child mental health service. God pray for us all!

 

[Freedomfighter]

i have just come out of the meeting.....OMG!

I am seeing the funny side in it

So, bearing in min...

Try to figure out what your biggest stressor is first and then go from there. My stressors are not imagined, they are real. Since I am being stalked those stress situations do test my nerves but I am certainly not afraid to set loosers straight, will do that loudly if I have to.

All people that attempt to get close to me without my permission will be treated like the lame ducks they are. There is not and never will be a human being that is allowed to enter my sphere without my permission. It still amazes me how people think they can do otherwise.

 

[louise burke]

i've left this post for a while.....sorry. Just to say i had an occupational health assessment via work that was a bit vague but recommended a desk with no peripheral access so i can see who approaches. I am running round like an idiot at work (I mean I'm busy) and it is having an impact on my sleep - I am in the Uk and am upping paroxetine/paxil while taking a good dose of mirtazapine. I've also been offered some propanalol to try which has really helped when startled, I actually take it moreso at night when I feel my heart pounding and I can't sleep. Anyway....I am glad though embarrassing that these difficulties have been picked up on. The OH report has also indicated having time off to attend a relaxaion class or high intensity cbt of sorts via our health service. I was querying quetiapine as an add on as i know others have had good results but my gp said it would mean referral to a psychiatrist which i don't want, the gp's won't touch your medication if they know you are under their care and just refer you back to them. I have real issues with vivid dreams and hyperarousal at night in particular and am thinking about a course of cbt for insomnia or some training in relaxation for myself

 

[digger]

. I have real issues with vivid dreams

Sorry don't have anything constructive to add to the rest of your post, but just wanted to mention that the vivid dreams could be a side effect of the mirtazapine - I was on it for a while and this was the main reason I came off it in the end. It was helpful in other ways, but this side of it outweighed the benefits for me. It may not be the case for you, but might be worth taking into consideration.