Oh Please I Need Help

[Killashandra]

Hi all,

Im sorry, but I need help, big time. I betrayed my husband and my vows to him 2 yrs ago abouts, we had a d day valentine's day 16, I've been mentally ill for the past 16 mths and while I've been off work he has carer duties to me. Ts also been the time I should have shown him how much I want him to stay and how much he means to me. It's been time to woo and love him, each significant day that psses during this last year I have not produced any hard evidence of that.

Today he asked for a divorce, for the safety of himself and our daughter, and to institutionalize me until I am capable fo looking after myself properly. He has lost that loving feeling and it has been replaced with care.

I don't want to lose either of them, but I don't want them to hurt anymore. Or have to deal with a crazy mother and wife.

I just don't know what to do. Our significant dates I have felt that anything I give him pales against what hurt I have put him through, but some effort from me would have been appreciated on his behalf.
How do I show him I want him? How do I show I care? I'm so lost in my own world of worthlessness and shame and guilt,that I can't even talk to him. I'm trying to open up, but this wall I have.... I don't discuss anything until someone else has brought it up,otherwise I'm At a loss of what to say...


Please any advice will help I'm sure

 

[The Albatross]

Has your shrink wanted you to go inpatient?
Right sizing this you're spouse is clearly overwhelmed and at his end. This would be a good time open up and have a serious discussion as frankly and honestly as you both can muster. Though it is difficult for you to do so, I would suggest that the consequence of what has gone on so far with you're relational style (both of you) has got him on the ropes and to this point. Doing what you've been doing has got you to this point and now it's consequence (risk divorce) or endeavor to initiate change to not only help yourself but to save your relationship.

Will he go to some joint sessions?
You do not share whether his concerns about you're abilities to care for yourself and your child are valid. Are they?

 

[The Albatross]

P.S. Rather than recycling and regurgitating the shame and guilt which does nothing to help you, perhaps you may want to pause and try to consider that your partner is frustrated and exhausted and worried - maybe you're effort is better spent seeing what you can do and are willing to do to help him and rejoin your partnership?