One Couple - Two Ptsd Sufferers

[SpokaneSunshine]

It's been awhile since I've posted here. Sometime back, I witnessed a gun-related suicide, and was later diagnosed with PTSD. I've been going through counseling and am actually looking into wrapping things up with the therapist at the end of this month.

I started dating an individual, who as it turns out, has PTSD. Long story short, he served in Gulf War I, was stabbed multiple times by enemies, and then left for dead when he crashed the vehicle he was trying to escape in (he had to be resucitated more than once when the locals and the military found him). I believe there are other issues, but he hasn't shared them with me yet.

He's been dealing with a child custody fight, which I admit has strained our relationship. Also, he hasn't been working, and since I pay all the bills, that has been a stressor for me. The VA has been working with him with different meds, etc., to get him back on track, and yesterday he called because his doctor thought it would be in his best interest to stay in the psych unit for a few days, due to his severe depression.

Today his doctor strongly recommended that I change the combination to the gun safe and not provide that number to my bf. I have no problem doing that, but I really don't know how to change the number, as I never set-it up in the first place. I guess just visit the manufacturer website? It's a Winchester (the safe; he's got several guns).

I don't really know if I'm asking a question per se. Just thinking out loud I guess. I really worry about him, and between you and I, I'm glad to change the combination because I worry about his emotional stability. When he was admitted, I contacted several of his family members per his request, including the mothers of his children (two children; two mothers). I was careful to avoid any "charged" dialogue, as I feel the child-custody issues aren't my business, but their responses included a lot of negative talk about him, and it made me uncomfortable. Everytime we've spoken since his admittance to the psych unit, he has asked me if I still love him, if I want to leave him, etc. I tell him of course I do and of course I won't, but it's still really stressing me out, maybe because I'm still trying to wade through my own PTSD issues.

Anyway, if anybody has insight or advice, feel free to lay it on me. I'm just stressed and tired from not sleeping and not really sure what to do.

 

[SpokaneSunshine]

So a lot has happened these past few days. Visited with the BF last night, and he revealed a little bit more information. Apparently he had quite a blackout on Monday before he went to the hospital, which has happened to him before. He vaguely recalls going to Home Depot, and this woman yelled at him for cutting her off. He apologized, but she kept following him and screaming at him until he yelled back that they could call the police to resolve it if she wanted. She drove off.

As mentioned before, I had contacted several of his relatives per his request to notify them of his admittal to the hospital, including his two ex-wives (he has a child with each of them). The first one is of course concerned, but she keeps digging for information that I'm uncomfortable providing without his consent. I figure she can talk to him herself if she wants that info. Also, I'm a little bit concerned that his two ex-wives are conspiring to use this against him with custody issues, and I don't want any information I provide to be used in that way. I realize this is probably a little bit paranoid on my part, but it's part of my personal experience. When I witnessed the suicide that resulted in my PTSD, a lot of people shook me down for information and then later used it against me to perpetuate that dramatic games. I felt very violated about that, and so I'm very hesitant to trust anybody in that way.

I haven't slept well the past few days. I'm in bed by 10 but up by 3, which was my sleep pattern before I was doing so well (the suicide happened right about 3AM). To top it off, there is a major news story in my area about a man who committed suicide with a handgun last night about 3AM. He was a passenger in a truck, and as I understand it, the driver was taking him to the hospital due to suicidal thoughts. The passenger shot and killed himself, but the bullet also struck the driver, who had to be airlifted to the hospital. It's really triggering a lot of reaction in me, as well as the general population's comments, being suspicious, etc. I know they are just confused because there are so few details available yet, but it's very reminiscent of my experience.

I'm trying to be strong for him, but when I'm not visiting with him I'm just a mess. My stomach has been cramped for days, can't sleep, not eating, and what I'd really like to do is just run away. But of course I can't. So I just stuff everything to deal with at a later date, which I realize isn't healthy, but I don't know what else to do.

On a positive note, BF told me yesterday that they decreased his risk level, so he is no longer considered a suicide threat. They still want to keep him for a few days though because he has an infection in his elbow and they're trying to make sure his meds are working for him. Also, they are doing a lot of evaluations and what-not and I think they recommended he apply for military disability.

 

[Spiderallis]

I'm so sorry that you're dealing with all that. Sounds like you're doing everything you can, and it's hard. Try to remember to take care of you. I can see how much you love him by what you've written. It's rough seeing someone you care about so much in that kind of pain. I don't know much about the VA, but from what I've read around here they know how to help with PTSD. If you'd like a hug, I'll give you a great big one. ((HUG))