Asatantrosa
New Here
I used to write alot when I was young but shit happened and as I moved forward I shut the door to that space inside my writing came out of. There's been a lot of closing of doors, keeping thoughts and feelings in their place to be able to function but is it really functioning when you show up in the world as parts of a person. 17 coping mechanisms in a trenchcoat. I guess I'm trying to open that place up again and it's really hard, maybe that's why I kept the door closed for so long, it actually physically hurts when I think about the shit that happened. All the nerves in my body feels like they're burning, my muscles tense up, my breath becomes shallow. During exposure-therapy I had to take breaks to move around and breathe, sometimes my mind just went blank, sometimes the anxiety was so bad my body was squirming as to get away. There's a part of me that's always resisting, trying to get away, avoiding thinking about certain things and sometimes I feel like if that part could just give up, die, or finally win I could be in my own skin. Maybe I could write again.
