Relationship Online Relationships: A Torturous Adventure. When To Let Go?

[JaydenP]

I have been seeing a woman for 6 months. She is a PTSD sufferer and we met online. We have never seen each other. We text, talk on the phone and video call. So we have seen each other and I know that she really is who she says she is. For 6 months she has been saying she will be able to see me soon. It has not happened. I keep waiting and hoping that it will change. Just one more week over and over again. She has terrible anxiety and has panic attacks daily. She has gotten close to being able to see me but has not yet actually been with me. It is putting a lot of stress on our relationship. My family does not approve and are very angry about the situation. I have been hiding this relationship from my friends out of embarrassment. I love this woman and I need her to be with me. I think with my heart not my brain. Anyone who knew about this would tell me to end the relationship. But I cannot because I love her. I know I am being stupid. I have told her I cannot do it no more and she breaks down. She tells me she needs me in her life and that I am the only good thing in her life. I talk to her close friend about our relationship because I did not know what to do any longer. The friend said me leaving her would destroy her. That she would never want to trust another man and would never move on from me. I asked my girlfriend about this and she balled and agreed. I do not want to hurt her but she is hurting me by not seeing me. She wants to very bad see me but cannot.

Is it time to let go? Is there any hope?
How do I end our relationship without hurting her and destroying trust in men?

 

[iMPACTt43w0r1d]

Are you a sufferer? She's probably very insecure... I'm sure she tries week after week to build up the courage to see you. I bet she's afraid that your opinion of her would change if you saw her. I'm sure she cares alot about you.

If you truely love her then why are you contemplating leaving? Hold strong to your heart. Convince her that she's good enough. Tell her how much she means to you. Convince her that you will not change your mind about her after seeing her. Make her feel comfortable.

Best of wishes! :) If you ever need to talk. PM me

 

[JaydenP]

I am not a sufferer. I have tell her week after week that she is good enough. She has opened up to me a lot about the cause of her PTSD and she knows I am not going to leave. If she can never see me I cannot be with her.... It is very hard to be with someone if it seems there is not chance of a future. We have been a lot distant for the past week because of the stress of not seeing each other. I feel like I should slowly back away but it will hurt her very bad if I do. It will hurt me very bad to. I do love her. I need more than a online relationship. I need to hold my girlfriend be able to look in her eyes and tell her I love her.

 

[Red Feather]

I think what Impact was asking was if you have PTSD too?

 

[apocalypted]

Hey there. Do you know if she has agoraphobia? Is she paralyzingly afraid of any type of stressful social situations or of leaving her house? I am curious if this has more to do with her inability to overcome some of her own possibly PTSD related struggles. Have you explained to her without proposing an altimatum the position that she is putting you in?

 

[JaydenP]

I do not have PTSD no.

I do not know if she has agoraphobia. She said she does have anxiety disorder and takes anxiety medication. But I do not know if it is agoraphobia. She almost never leaves her home. She goes with friends only few times a year. We have been together 6 months and she has gone out only few time. 3-4. She said she is nervous around people even friends.

I have talked to her many times about how hard it is for me. She knows and understands. I tell her it is hard but it makes it more hard for her to see me. I have talked how hard it is with saying ultimatum and with not saying ultimatum.

 

[Red Feather]

Is she living in the same city with you?

 

[JaydenP]

Yes.

 

[Red Feather]

Oh okay, so there wouldn't be any problems with the transportation. Well then maybe she just needs time. I can understand why it might be difficult for her. Take care!

 

[JaydenP]

I understand needing time. But over 6 months....

 

[amethist]

6 Months is just a moment in time for some sufferers JaydenP, time is what you have to give her or decide for your self what you are going to do.

Maybe this linked thread will help you see how even the good stress of a relationship can have a negative impact on sufferers.

[DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/the-ptsd-cup-explanation.13737/#post-173960[/DLMURL]

Plus you have to remember this will be like no other relationship you have ever had, and she may feel safer (Depending what her trauma was), having the distance between you.

On line relationships can be difficult at the best of times, so throw in PTSD and this multiplies enormously.

Ending any relationship is hard and you could get the same reaction form someone without PTSD. In the end it is your decision, but you cannot take responsibility for her actions if you do, only your own.

Telling you she would not survive without you is a kind of blackmail, been there, done that without PTSD in the mix, and it is not easy, but sometimes you have to go with your head not your heart.

Only you can decide what is best for you, we can only offer you honest replies to your questions.

Take care of yourself, then your online girlfriend.