Opened Up

[user56652]

Cleared the air today. Revealed a few secrets and it went better than expected. Still shaky though.

 

[redlabeldanger]

Congrats on the bravery to reveal secrets.

 

[user56652]

Congrats on the bravery to reveal secrets.

Thanks but the old issues still remain.

 

[arfie]

i earnestly believe i am only as sick as my secrets. letting the truth out of jail doesn't mean that damned parolee is going to wander far enough for my taste, but at least i don't have to tend its daily needs any more.

or am i lost in metaphor again?

congrats on finding the courage to open up. stay brave.

 

[user56652]

i earnestly believe i am only as sick as my secrets. letting the truth out of jail doesn't mean that damned parolee is going to wander far enough for my taste, but at least i don't have to tend its daily needs any more.

or am i lost in metaphor again?

congrats on finding the courage to open up. stay brave.

Thanks. I'll explain a bit about me. in 1994 at the age of 16 I was diagnosed with a genetic muscle wasting disease called Spinal Muscular Atrophy (SMA). There's a ton of information online about it but it was the cause of my disability and everything stemming from that.

Or so I thought. In 2021 after a combination of years worth of nagging from my father about being retested and news about a treatment I returned to the hospital to be tested if I was suitable for the treatment.

2 weeks later I returned for the results. I was told I didn't have and never had SMA. For 27 years I lived under that shadow and had decided not to have much to do with people (although people wanted nothing to do with me either except to abuse)

I can't even begin to describe how I felt. Anger and resentment are just words. To cut a very long story short after multiple tests I found found that whatever had been detected in 1994 (initial tests were in 1993) wasn't there.

Earlier this year I was diagnosed with Dyspraxia which matched my "symptoms" more closely. (I was diagnosed with Aspergers in 2013)

I told my father who was first wondering why I didn't tell him earlier and then actually accepted it!

So here I am 47 years old. No friends, no acquaintances, struggling with volunteering and no f-ing idea about the world.

Opening up has been a disaster. I've pushed people away and been pushed away.

 

[arfie]

wow, that's allot of opening up for one sitting. i feel like i am watching a flower bloom.

Opening up has been a disaster. I've pushed people away and been pushed away.

empathy. with my own social anxiety, opening up always feel like more of a disaster than it ever truly is. even with breakthrough successes, my anxiety will still eat me alive and tell me what a disaster i am. the key in my own case has been persistence, especially when my social anxiety is encouraging me to hide under a rock.

steadying support while you find your own key. keep opening up, my blooming milk thistle.
side note
milk thistles are my favorite flower. bees LOVE it.

 

[user56652]

wow, that's allot of opening up for one sitting. i feel like i am watching a flower bloom.

empathy. with my own social anxiety, opening up always feel like more of a disaster than it ever truly is. even with breakthrough successes, my anxiety will still eat me alive and tell me what a disaster i am. the key in my own case has been persistence, especially when my social anxiety is encouraging me to hide under a rock.

steadying support while you find your own key. keep opening up, my blooming milk thistle.
side note
milk thistles are my favorite flower. bees LOVE it.

Thanks. I bumped into someone today who knows what I'm going through and she said I shouldn't bother about other people. Its just that I've been traumatised for so long I despair that I'll never be free.