Opinions Needed

[VDWngr1355]

So, I want people's opinion on this situation. I have only been in therapy for two and a half months with biweekly sessions. Normally at the end of the session the T will schedule the next appointment. At the last session the T didn't do this because I was starting a new job and was unsure of my schedule. The T just said to either call him or email him my free time and the T will schedule a time for me.

So, last Friday I emailed the T with my free time this week. Monday night still have not heard back so I emailed again. Tuesday still did not hear anything so I called and left a message Tuesday afternoon. Now being Wednesday and have not heard anything. Would any of you be annoyed or upset at this point with not hearing back yet?

My T does not work on Fridays, so I am obviously not going to be meeting with him this week. So, now it will be pushed back till next week whenever I hear back from him. This is really annoying me and seems unprofessional to not get back with at least an appointment time. I have huge trust issues and this behavior makes me trust the T less. Also for the past couple of weeks, I have been having urges to cut myself and at time have thought to call my T to leave message to talk about it. But now him not even getting back about a fricken appointment is deterring from even reaching out and talking about that issue.

Am I being unreasonable? Opinions please.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

I believe you are being reasonable. You've left several messages and courtesy would call for some kind of response. On the other hand, maybe he is out of the office sick or on a vacation, or some other acceptable reason. Is he part of a group? Is there a receptionist that you can call, and see if he is away. Emergencies do happen. But, I understand how it might make you feel invalidated...a touchy point with us.

My T has health issues, and does continuing education, as well as works weekends in private practice. Once in a great while it takes a couple calls to get a callback.

Maybe you could cope with the SI urges by writing your thoughts versus acting out your thoughts? At some point in therapy, hopefully you'll be able to use coping skills and learn to negotiate with yourself, and in a way 'therap-ize' yourself. Hope that makes sense.

Take care, and try not to take T's action or lack of action personally...very hard I know!

 

[VDWngr1355]

Thanks angelkeeper. There is no receptionist. He does share his office space with another T but the practices are separated. I know the T is not on vacation because he bought up at the last session that I would have an appointment this week. I am going to call back tomorrow and hopefully I will get a response.
I am trying not to take it personally, but there is that voice in the back of my head. I have been writing down my thoughts, which helps, but it would just be nice to know that if I really really needed to get ahead of the T that I know I would get a call back if I really needed it.

 

[anthony]

I don't think you should jump the gun actually. How do you know something has not occurred within your therapists life that they have taken time off? How do you know they're not just simply swamped with work at the moment and they will get back to you when time permits?

Thinking on behalf of another with so many unknowns is actually a negative thinking style. So whilst your question is valid, and your concern valid, I don't think its as easy as making some assumption on whether your therapist getting back to you within 24, 48 or 72hrs is actually right or wrong.

Your therapist has a life and a job to perform, they have family and every other complication that you or I have in their life.

My point is... don't make assumptions of whether something is reasonable or not according to you, why not go to their office and just see for yourself. They could have your message, have no appointment for the next week or two, so you are not the immediate priority and they plan to call you this week some time. Again, so many unknowns... assumption is the mother of all f*ckups.

 

[VDWngr1355]

Thanks Anthony. I know I keep reminding myself that the T is a person as well, and I do know he has a bit going on. I just never realized how much I relied on the appointments and how much it does help going. I am going to call once a day until I hear back.

 

[BloomInWinter]

(((((((VDWngr1355)))))))

Hang in there....the distress you feel indicates a strong therapeutic relationship has been built, or you wouldn't be butting up against those difficult abandonment feelings...a sign that you've done so really great ground with with your T. Good for you!

Our T.s are often people with hectic lives....chances are, it's simply a miscommunication on their part, a lost post-it note, other patients being in more immediate need....plumbing issues....who knows? All of these?

When I'm feeling these feelings, it's a time to really dive into those self-care skills and get in some great distraction practice.

What are you working on in your self-care toolkit for 'distress tolerance?'

I also think it would be appropriate to state in your next call 'I've left several messages....I know you're busy but I'd really appreciate a call back. Thanks!' and then leave the ball in their court for a day or two.

Not that it won't be hard....but it gets easier.

 

[VDWngr1355]

We haven't worked really with distress tolerance in therapy unless that means finding distraction, which I am good at for the most part.

But to keep myself busy I do a lot of exercise each day, keeping a daily (hourly at times) journal, work outside the home at my job, and work inside the home with writing for content mills, cleaning the house, cooking, listening to music, playing some games on the computer.

 

[BloomInWinter]

Sounds like a great start! Did they give you a list of 'comforting startments?'

Like....

....This may feel difficult but I can deal with it. I've been through much worse.
....I know I won't feel this way forever.
....I have much to be proud of.
...I have people who care about me.
...I can keep asking for what I need.

 

[VDWngr1355]

No, they haven't. It has been focusing on my dissociation during sessions. Thanks for the list though.

 

[Nighthawk]

I was wondering if you managed to get in touch with your T. This has happened to me in the past and I just about tore my sleve to the T. Not sure if you know what that means but in my mind they did not want to see me. This was there way of throwing me out. Come to find out my T had to go in for an emegancy procedure:confused:

 

[VDWngr1355]

I called him again today and left another message. Still have not heard anything. I am trying to stay positive and telling myself he has a life too.
@Nighthawlk-- yeah that is sort of what is going through my mind. Also, I am wondering if it is a game or a way of testing you. I know it is not but that is what is kind of going on in my head because that is what went on with the trauma. There was a lot of testing and mind games.

But again, I just keep telling myself to keep calling back and that the T is not going to play games.

I will call again on Monday.

 

[maddog]

Hang in there VDWngr, I think I have some understanding of how distressing this is for you, whether or not you can really come out and admit it. Sure, we all know the possible rational explanations and it's important to try to bear them all in mind, as at least one of them is more than likely the truth. But hey, trust me, I know that doesn't makeitfeel ok, and as one who has sweated and panicked and catastrophised myself into a jibbering wreck about this exact situation more than once, I know that words don't makeitfeel any better, and also that knowing you shouldn't feel this way can make it all the worse.

So... just hang in there. I hope you hear something really soon. My fingers are crossed for you.

MD