Opinions?

[Opinions on this]

So I'm a first responder and my shrink wants me to write a song about what I'm going through and I got through part of it and wanted to know what yall thought.

I could tell you the story
I could give you the details
You wouldn't understand
Not a single thing
I walk with my head down
Sleep with my eyes open
Always ready for battle
Even if my hopes and dreams are shatterd
The dreams are wild
The screams horrid
Bathed in the blood of children
Huanted by the elderly
My mind filled with missery
Your sorry doesn't flatter me
I've seen brains splatter
Why does that matter
The baby was gonna die
Why did I even try
Friend killed himself
Didn't even cry
I know I'm crazy
You better not lie
Its not a dissorder
I'm reacting to the horror
Little girl bullied and battered
I pull out her lifeless body
Her mothers heart shattered
I see her all the time
Those blue eyes shine
She's not really there
My mind is going scared
If I Don't care
Why is there so much fear

 

[Ejez]

So much trauma but l could still read this without triggering. Like the way it was written. Have you thought about writing in general?

 

[Opinions on this]

So much trauma but l could still read this without triggering. Like the way it was written. Have you thought about writin...

Thank you, I've thought about it before but I've never had the confidence to share any of it.

 

[Akumu]

It's pretty freaking amazing.

 

[Acat]

That really hit hard. Very well written.

I'll write better feedback when I get myself put back together again.

 

[Patitiw]

So I'm almost done with it, just some final editing. Just wanted yalls opinion again! So here it is...

I could tell you the story
I could give you the details
You wouldn't understand
Not a single thing
I walk with my head down
Sleep with my eyes open
Always ready for battle
Even if my dreams are shattered
The dreams are wild
The screams horrid
Bathed in the blood of childeren
Haunted by the elderly
My mind filled with misery
Your sorry doesn't flatter me
I've seen brains splatter
Why does that matter
The baby was gonna die
Why did I even try
Friend killed himself
Didn't even cry
I know I'm crazy
You better not lie
It's not a disorder
I'm reacting to the horror
Little girl bullied and battered
I pull her out dead
Her mother's heart shattered
I see her all the time
Those blue eyes shine
She's not really there
My mind is going scared
If I didn't care
Why is there so much fear
I'm stuck in the headlights
Just like a dear
Trying to save a life
Now ive lost my own
Fighting everyday
Running through the burning flames
Pushing through regret and shame
Not looking for sympathy or fame
God when will it be my day
Realize I'm not to blame
My soul has started to decay
Baby dying on the table
Starting to turn blue
What am I suppose to do
Act calm and have no clue
My pride becoming unglued
I started as a hero
Left that day as a zero
Tried to run
It just followed
Tried to hide
Pushed my family to the side
Made a few good people cry
Forced me to break down
Not gonna lie
Suicide barking at my mind
Actions so out of line
I'm just fine
Can't let my heart shine
It's a crime
A good day would be a delight
Never give in
Never stop the raging fight
Emotionally numb
At least I can't cry
My feelings shriveled and dry
This is real life
Not a sci-fi
Argue with me
I get madder than hell
I hear whistles and bells
I'll crack your head open
Just like an oyster shell
You better not dare
You'll be riding a wheelchair
Need to get my shit together
I'm falling lower and lower
I'm a floating feather
Me and peace
We can't make a deal
Fighting this battle
It's all up hill
I'm a disgrace
To the entire human race
Look up to my lord
I give him praise
In all this craze
Thank-you Lord
Give me some good days

 

[Roluj]

I hear and feel ya! Im there too! :hug:

PS: Good poem!