- Post starter
- #13
I actually am actively looking for ways to take care of me. And ways to turn this into positives for my own life.
I am not ready or willing to say goodbye. I promised I would not. But in the normal world it is not normal to isolate from people for prolonged periods. Not seeing people for a while is quite different from dropping off without warning or explanation or response. Folks don't put their hearts on hold for months/years. Waiting for her to regroup is fine. Not knowing if the goodbye is final on her side, that is what I need to know. I am getting there, learning to compartmentalize. The first step was realizing it really wasn't my fault, would not have mattered what I did, her actions would have been the same. It is ptsd, not me. Quit taking blame and thinking if I could do it right she wouldn't do this. She did this to her best friend since age 5. It is not about anything I did wrong. Isolation is a coping mechanism for those with ptsd in great distress.
Is the fight worth it? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. (I have someone else in my life that I am 99% sure has ptsd. I have been dealing with this for almost 21 years with them.) It will never ever be a normal relationship, never have the normal payoffs. Giving up expectations and accepting that you will always give far more than get is hard. I think my experience with that person is what makes it easier/harder with the current friend. Because I know from experience that even when they are isolating, I do matter. They do care. They just will never show or tell it in the normal manner. And I know that it takes TIME, lots of time. Particularly depending on the trauma that caused their ptsd, trust is a huge issue. It is very hard on one's ego trying to spend years "proving yourself" when you never did anything wrong to begin with. Proving you will still be there. Proving you are not going to hurt or abandon them.
I view my sufferer as a Godsend. Sent to draw me back to God. Sent to change me for the better. I think He put her in my life at this season for a definite reason. I really truly don't think it is all bad. I think it has been and perhaps will be part of His plan for me. But right now I am looking for ways to minister to myself.
I am not ready or willing to say goodbye. I promised I would not. But in the normal world it is not normal to isolate from people for prolonged periods. Not seeing people for a while is quite different from dropping off without warning or explanation or response. Folks don't put their hearts on hold for months/years. Waiting for her to regroup is fine. Not knowing if the goodbye is final on her side, that is what I need to know. I am getting there, learning to compartmentalize. The first step was realizing it really wasn't my fault, would not have mattered what I did, her actions would have been the same. It is ptsd, not me. Quit taking blame and thinking if I could do it right she wouldn't do this. She did this to her best friend since age 5. It is not about anything I did wrong. Isolation is a coping mechanism for those with ptsd in great distress.
Is the fight worth it? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. (I have someone else in my life that I am 99% sure has ptsd. I have been dealing with this for almost 21 years with them.) It will never ever be a normal relationship, never have the normal payoffs. Giving up expectations and accepting that you will always give far more than get is hard. I think my experience with that person is what makes it easier/harder with the current friend. Because I know from experience that even when they are isolating, I do matter. They do care. They just will never show or tell it in the normal manner. And I know that it takes TIME, lots of time. Particularly depending on the trauma that caused their ptsd, trust is a huge issue. It is very hard on one's ego trying to spend years "proving yourself" when you never did anything wrong to begin with. Proving you will still be there. Proving you are not going to hurt or abandon them.
I view my sufferer as a Godsend. Sent to draw me back to God. Sent to change me for the better. I think He put her in my life at this season for a definite reason. I really truly don't think it is all bad. I think it has been and perhaps will be part of His plan for me. But right now I am looking for ways to minister to myself.
