Ouch

[Justmehere]

Surviving the trauma was hard. Recovering from PTSD is hard. Why do I have to live with no family too?

 

[franciemarnie]

I hear you and identify. I have been trying to look at it as a message from the Universe to love myself even if no one else does.

My husband loves me but until I met him at 50, it was a very alone life. When I completely gave up on meeting anyone, of course I met him and he practically had to beat my door down.

Re family - it's a mystery. And a total drag. We are built from the beginning of time to be part of a tribe so when we aren't, it's a terrible feeling. It made me feel alone in the universe. A freak. But the facts are I am not a freak, I am a really nice loving person, and if anyone were in my circumstances, they would have known the same experience of necessary exclusion.

With what we are given though, we have to figure what we will make of it.

But it is undeniably an awful feeling.

 

[Rizen]

Loneliness wears me out. At least I can talk to people online.

 

[Promicarus]

I know what you mean. was raised in family from a Latino cultural background, without being told that was what was happening-didn't know any better because neither of my parents had accents. This was in Texas, of all places. I've never known anything but being attacked out right by people who were supposed to be "my people", out of the blue by strangers, in public places, just because "people don't talk like that/act like that"...and being separated from those I relate to...because I don't look or sound latin...and the cultures are so different, that Latinos dont care for Americans. So believe me, I understand.

But I've learned that you can become your own best friend. And that that is the most important thing, in the long run. Be good to yourself. You deserve it. Don't let anyone tell you differently. Glad you've found the site. Most here know the experience of loneliness, and being sandwiched between that, and fear of relationships.

 

[ericaboo]

I'm mostly apart from my family because they trigger me so much. But I miss them too, and it's an agonizing choice. I wish it didn't have to be an all or nothing situation.

I don't know your situation, but losing family definitely compounds loss in my book.

 

[macbeth]

I had no support from my family either. If they did mention what happened to me they were dismissive and told me to just "get over it."

 

[shimmerz]

Being adopted doesn't help much either. My parents died 30+ years ago and the rest of my family called me 'not blood' and ignored me for the rest of time. The last of them is gone now. It hurt but the way I saw it was 'better to have no family than a family who could care a less about me'. Losing my parents so young was a tough one. No matter how it goes it isn't pleasant and holidays can just exacerbate the emptiness. I just want to send hugs to you all....

 

[Justmehere]

Thank you everyone. I'm feeling a little more hopeful and a lot less alone on this painful day. I'm feeling quiet and struggling to find words - so I will come back and respond more later, but I really wanted to say thank you.

 

[Echo]

I hope you're doing ok, @Justmehere

 

[Justmehere]

@Echo - thanks.

I physically feel like I've been kicked in the chest. I think I'm really grieving this matter. It's hard to even find words for it. But I am finding lots of tears. I think it's a little like it's finally ok to feel this. I've stuffed it for so long.