overthinking everything with people

[Strangelongtrip]

Lately I've been overthinking EVERYTHING social-wise. Everything I text, I wonder if I said something mean or I insulted someone (I'm not being insulting, logically, I just think I am, and no one has been offended so far), I don't like to talk to people on the phone because of the same thing. I've been building a social media presence for my future career and I struggle to post things, overthink every single thing I record and then never actually post it because I think it's stupid. I struggle to send messages to more than one person on there when usually I'm really social. I recently had a pain flare and feel like it's related, a lower sense of self-worth because I had to slow down from a pain flare. I also isolate pretty bad during pain flares because I only have the spoons for work and school, and then I get all off balance. I'm trying to stop avoiding it and have even sent out messages and got responses but eventually I feel like I say something stupid and they don't respond or I don't respond because I can't hold conversations. I'm getting myself to go out with a friend tomorrow, I hope that'll help some but I'm worried.

 

[RecoveryGuy]

I am sorry you are deeling with that anxiety. I hate it when fear creeps in on my and gets intense.

 

[Mach123]

Thanks again this is a lot like the other post or it reminds me of me again. I'm very isolated now because of stuff like what you're writing.

I just had to deal with workmen at my house. Same stuff. We've been in town 10 years we don't know anyone and I'm petrified about anyone getting to know us which is dumb because we moved a year and a half ago to another neighborhood same town. We did ok at the last house in spite of me always feeling like that. Our old neighbors were very gracious and kind when we moved in spitenof the various run ins we had with them.

So most of that stuff I find comes from me I'm projecting a sort of negativity out towards everyone and I sort of expect it will come back and it will.

But I'm getting a little better at it. That's the simple version. I'm obsessive and I think or imagine people are thinking this or that about me, then I start to think they want to "get us". They probably don't though. I worry about what I said or how I acted.

I'm thinking more and more about how much of that is me projecting, and how much that sort of paints my reality.

 

[Strangelongtrip]

Thank you for your responses @Mach123 and I'm sorry you're going through something similar. It's like that projection of my own self-hatred, so I think everyone will hate what I post because I hate what I post because I hate myself. And I think people will hate me if I hang out with them because I hate being with myself right now.

I hate the constant re-thinking of social scenarios, and have sort of even structured my life to avoid them. What I really want to accomplish, will require me to dismantle that a lot more, and it makes me terrified to even chase dreams (but I do anyways, because I'm dumb? or I'm somehow preserving myself subconsciously even though I don't want to on the surface).