Overwhelming Childish Fear

[DontGiveUpOnMe]

I am nineteen years old, in college, living at home.
I went through childhood abuse of various forms, ( by my father, mother, and first stepfather) which at the moment I am not completely comforitable sharing the abuse in detail. There is a certain kind of abuse that is still happening but not at all in the way it happened before.

I am struggling a lot as of a month ago. And what led me here was recent "re-experiencing" of old symptoms.
I am still genuinely..very very very frightened when I hear people enter the house in my house. This started only a few weeks ago. My whole body tenses at the sound of my mother's footsteps, and I still cringe if I see someones hands too nearby. But what really really led me here was a recent episode I had during what I guess would be called a "panic-attack" (I am not very sure). But, in brief I re-experienced a complete beating just like it would have happened with my father when I was little. My body jerked in all directions, my arms were tingling and hot and my torso kept "snapping" upright as soon as my mind envisioned a fist, foot, or object ready to be aimed at me. The next day, I woke up completely sore and two days later (Today) I am cramping everywhere.
I am very very very very desperate for professional help, and made an appointment to see a therapist. She cannot see me until 2 weeks from now.
I just got a time limit for an impossible task from my mother. I am unsure of what will happen if I do not complete the task in time and I am scared like a little 5 year old. It is quite pathetic, but my body is just ready for something and I am in panic mode. I am just dying for 2 weeks to pass. But I dont know what to do with myself in the meantime as my symptoms get worse and worse.

I am unsure if anyone can help. I have not yet been diagnosed with PTSD. But, I am just very very isolated (emotionally) and would like some support.

 

[Tiger Kitten]

Two weeks seems like an eternity when you are panicking. The episode as you described it sounds like a flash back to me. I don't have a lot of advice or encouraging words to give you right now, but it seems as though you are on the right track in making the appointment. Hang in there and I would pass the time with making plans to keep yourself safe. When my environment is unsafe, everything seems to be so far out of control it's not even funny. There is a lot of information on how to cope with flash backs and fear and panic on the forum. Reading passes the time too.

Stay safe and do whatever you can to keep yourself safe.

Tiger

 

[blarneystone]

The first thing you will have to do is change the way you are approaching this. You keep using all these negative terms when talking about the experience and your emotions. It's perfectly natural to be having panic attacks, and flash backs to previously traumatic experiences when you are reminded or triggered over these traumatic experiences.

Breathing is a big deal, deep slow breaths will force the body to calm if you can do it. If I've got my terms correct, it sounds almost like a regressive state, something has triggered you to fall back onto old terrors that are now becoming current terrors and anxiety. And Tiger is right, two weeks seems like an eternity, but a lot of places have free counseling through the state, city or a University near you. There are even abuse hotlines that you can call and talk to someone in the mean time about.

Stay strong,

Blarney.