Overwhelming depression

[419can.dance]

I have been struggling for many years with depression and suicidal ideation. This year has definitely been the hardest for me. Is keeping an abusive relationship to having to move back into my parents house. I feel so worthless not being able to hold down a job I feel so helpless not being able to ask for what I need. When will it get better? When will I be able to wake up and say today is the day that I will be OK !

Edit - *Leaving an abusive relationship *

 

[ladee]

Today can be that day. We don't always need physical address changes to start making internal changes.

I have had the depression you are talking about. It was my constant companion. I didn't know how to 'be' without it.

Hope you have a therapist, or someone in real life you can talk to, along with us. And are you on any meds that have helped?

Glad you shared. Sometimes it helps in some kind of way to know that others understand how we feel and how hopeless it can all be. But it can change too. The process is slow, and we get so impatient for things to change, we think we aren't making progress, when we really are.

Today can be the day!!

 

[419can.dance]

Today can be that day. We don't always need physical address changes to start making internal changes.

I have had the depression you are talking about. It was my constant companion. I didn't know how to 'be' without it.

Hope you have a therapist, or someone in real life you can talk to, along with us. And are you on any meds that have helped?

Glad you shared. Sometimes it helps in some kind of way to know that others understand how we feel and how hopeless it can all be. But it can change too. The process is slow, and we get so impatient for things to change, we think we aren't making progress, when we really are.

Today can be the day!!

I have been with my therapist for a little over a year. This past week I was hospitalized and she didn’t return any of my phone calls so it did not help with my depression or sense of helplessness it all. I want to make today the day that I feel great if not for myself for my son. Thank you for the kind words. I am on a new regiment of medication I am hoping can help with some of the symptoms of depression that I’m having. It takes a little while though.

 

[ladee]

Yes, I read your post about your T not returning your calls. Of course only she can answer why she didn't, but the situation would have left me feeling the same way!!!

It's bad enough to be hospitalized and knowing the people around you really don't know you or your story, and then having your support not answer your calls, would not be helping the situation.

I know when I was in those horribly dark depressions, I could not see a way out, and was just too exhausted to be 'strong'. I didn't even know what that work meant anymore. It's a horrible place to be, and know me saying 'I understand' really doesn't help you to take a tiny baby step forward when you are feeling so alone.

I hope your T has a legitimate reason for not returning your calls. Looking for a new T is hard to do. The only suggestion I would make in regard to her, is not make any decisions until you have the facts.

I'm sorry you are feeling so alone. And hope the new meds can help you to dig yourself out of this place of darkness and no hope....It feels like forever. Hard to have hope. It just takes energy we don't have.

But, am very proud of you for reaching out and letting us know what is going on with you... sitting with you, I know it's not the same as in real life , but I DO hear you.

 

[somerandomguy]

It sounds like with everything you're going through, you have real reasons to be depressed.

Try to be kind to yourself. You didn't ask for any of this, and it's not your fault.

 

[Rachel2535]

I have been struggling for many years with depression and suicidal ideation. This year has definitely been the hardest for me. Is keeping an abusive relationship to having to move back into my parents house. I feel so worthless not being able to hold down a job I feel so helpless not being able to ask for what I need. When will it get better? When will I be able to wake up and say today is the day that I will be OK !

Edit - *Leaving an abusive relationship *

I commend you for leaving a relationship that is abusive that take a lot of courage! For 25 years I struggled with depression and suicidal ideation. I thought if would never disappear. But I have been free for ten years now. Woke up one day and didn’t feel like dying! God can and does do anything. Don’t loose hope there is healing. Have you found a counselor? Praying for you. -Rachel

 

[Kieran]

I feel very similarly to how you feel. I'm sorry for your pain. You're not worthless, you're struggling and deserve to be acknowledged for your efforts of having a better life.

I'm not working right now and most of my self-hate or feeling worthless comes from that. Like if I could at least live functionally, I can try to work through my traumas, but not work and not this? Seriously? These are thoughts I have about myself.

Reading your post made me realize I'm not alone, even if circumstances and emotions may differ a bit. You're not alone and hopefully one day soon, this will all have been a defining moment and you'll start to have better days.