Pain And Body Feels Disconnected

[Chava]

My body feels like it's in pieces that don't fit together right, because it hurts and I can't take any more pain meds, partly because one that I'm on triggers migraines and I have some of that going on too (I need new meds...seeing a new doc soon). If I could just take more meds, I'd be okay. But I'm crawling on the inside of my body to get out of it.

I'm trying to do better self care things and be patient with pain but it's hard lately because of stuff I'm working with and also it makes me feel guilty to take care of myself. Middle ground for right now is mostly trying to not make anything worse, but do basic care without paying much attention to my body. Harder when pain is worse because I am really mad at my body today. My therapist is on leave for a while and I was hoping to just stay in this mode until we're back on some sort of schedule (though also stress of not knowing what that will look like when new insurance stops paying). I need to just not have pain like this right now. I'm afraid of meltdown. I don't know how to respond to the feelings and every minute feels like a few painful hours. In a few hours I can actually take muscle relaxants, which will help, so seriously watching the clock. My body feels like cut up separate pieces and separate body temperatures (actual temp is fine).

Thanks for listening, I think describing it a little helps me stay connected and realize I'm extremely uncomfortable but that doesn't mean I am breaking or trapped or dying or that it will feel like this forever. It will pass.

 

[Hope4Now]

Keep writing, then @Chava.

I think describing it a little helps me stay connected and realize I'm extremely uncomfortable but that doesn't mean I am breaking or trapped or dying or that it will feel like this forever. It will pass.

You are not breaking or trapped or dying. It will pass. Sometimes it takes a long time, but it will. (I know...I deal with this too as you know).
Can you watch a movie? Sometimes if I can rally myself enough to do something that takes my attention, it helps. As opposed to lying in bed when I just kind of get stuck in a panic loop.

 

[WildMermaid]

@Chava poor dear, I'm sorry for the chaos you're experiencing in mind and body. :( Do you have any self care behaviors or things that ease you? I can't take most meds because of allergies, but live with chronic pain each day, and often migraines. Today I'm wrapped in a blanket, screen turned dim, and have another blanket over my head. Not ideal on a beautiful sunshiney day, but it is self care that I have to do.

It seems you articulated your situation quite well and as @Hope4Now said, keep writing. If it helps you to share, then share it. :) Usually I recommend journaling, sketching, distraction of a good book, planning a long term projects, or starting a board on pinterest. I found a whole community on the latter of others who live in a lot of pain and it is good for sharing information, advice, bitching, the ups and downs of being disabled (and having ptsd), and humor. Some days humor is the only thing that takes the edge off. I'm not in any way trying to belittle your pain and frustration, please know that. I don't write very clearly with these migraines, and just want you to know I'm thinking of you and sending soothing energies your way.

 

[Chava]

Thanks @Hope4Now and @Glitterkitty ....I got through that pretty much okay...distractions help (like watching a comedy with low screen light). I had wanted to go hiking and get a lot of work done but felt a war in my body/head about needing to rest but not being able to...the immobilized, trapped feelings were not good. But I did some gentle exercises then found an okay way to support myself sitting up and watching some comedies until the meds I could take started helping. Disconnected to just the right level today and pain is there but more manageable/controllable.

 

[WildMermaid]

@Chava so happy to see that you got through it! :hug: