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Pandemic realities + PTSD: when "everyone is a threat" is true...

#13
The pandemic has brought up a weird reality that all of a sudden, so many people emphasize that everyone poses a potential infectious threat.
It is true. To some degree it has been true for awhile, and will be true for awhile.

It is also not really helpful for my PTSD riddled brain. My PTSD brain takes that input and says "YEP, everyone is a THREAT. Better be ready to RUN or FIGHT all the time."

This more alarmed approach is going to wear me and my immune system out.

While I need the part of this that is being cautious and socially distanced in public, I don't need to be jumping at my own shadow. I also don't want to end up on the other side of this afraid to walk out my own door, but here I am, afraid to walk out my own door. Staying indoors 24-7 is not possible for me. I have to walk my dog and be outside or I will go nutty in other ways. In fact, eventually, I will have to go back into my job, which is working with the public in a role that is critical infrastructure in 6-8 weeks and probably ride it out for the second wave of infections. (We'll see what I end up doing and if a job change is possible, warranted, or not.)

I'm purposefully taking my dog for walks where I will pass humans at far distance (at least 50-100ft away.) Frankly, it's fairly impossible to find a place to walk where there isn't any humans at all. But my brain flipped this week from, "oh hum, going to be smart and wash my hands and wave hello from far away" to "OMG THERE IS A HUMAN 300 YARDS AWAY, THEY COULD INFECT ME WITH HORRIBLE RESPIRATORY SUFFERING, BE READY TO RUN."

This is going to be a long pandemic if every time I see a human I'm going to respond like I'm ready to fight a bear off.

Anyone else dealing with this? Anything help balance things out?
I'm good until I get in a store or a situation where kids come near me....in my head....they are the subtle covid carriers....happy, healthy and infected......and they touch everything in the store....and parental supervision out in public is lacking, many don't have a mask on-like in a store, and many stores don't require masks for entry. I had not traveled to another destination other than a grocery store or doctor's office till last week. I was so excited...to go to the beach and try out my new kayak..the plan...get there early, launch my new kayak....and paddle away from shore....it worked....till we went back to the beach........the beach experience was amazing....but here comes this little kid, I'm sitting on my towel, running at me like 3 ft away and I wave my arms, shooing him away, and said in haste "Go away!" (how mean sounding) and he did....maybe he was four years old. He did....but I felt that was so.....grumpy.....and actually out of character...and then later a realization hit.....I bet, cause he's home with his mom, she says "go away more and he's sensitized to it" but I felt guilty...But what else do you say to a four year old to let him know to keep his distance when Mom's not even watching? I think the virus, germs, infection, scare us all and noone wants to be sick.....I had a collapsed lung 3 months ago....getting covid isn't gonna happen...I hope. But the trip to the beach...an amazing memory!
 
#16
definitely have the "everybody is a threat" feeling, but I think I've had that feeling anyway for a long time, so what all of this does for/to me is simply give me a legitimate reason to stay away from everyone, which I find kind of comforting.
I second this ^^
The pandemic is giving me social acceptance for stopping in my tracks, or moving out of people's way, and crossing the road as soon as I see someone. It's making me feel safer! As before I would be scared of walking past certain people (men who I thought might hurt me) and also too scared to do anything but walk past them rather than cross the road etc.
It's kind of giving me confidence!
 
#17
I second this ^^
The pandemic is giving me social acceptance for stopping in my tracks, or moving out of people's way, and crossing the road as soon as I see someone. It's making me feel safer! As before I would be scared of walking past certain people (men who I thought might hurt me) and also too scared to do anything but walk past them rather than cross the road etc.
It's kind of giving me confidence!
I think that's great!
 
#19
I see threat everywhere, sure, but mostly, I am afraid of myself. In addition to lifelong PTSD, I have DID, and I don't know what's going to happen sometimes, or what I've done or who I am, really, inside. I can't be sure I'm a "good person." I feel uncertain of people as solid or stable, and myself, certainly, as anything but that.

Ironically, I give others the opposite impression by being almost pedantic in consistent reliability. I'm that "vanilla responsible one." I always get promoted to leadership for it. I was the oldest child, the boss, the protector. I put others first. It's exhausting. Because, inside, I just want to be that, and yet, there is more to me, and I don't like that. And I don't like that there is more to others than meets the eye either.

Some days, just for myself, I don't want to get sick or die, and I certainly don't think I could handle seeing a family member be seriously ill or die of the virus.

Other days, I actually think this could be the lucky break I've been waiting for my whole life; I'd love to go out painlessly on tons of drugs alone. For me, it would be a dream come true. The hospital bill won't even cost my family if it's a positive COVID test! Funny how some people's nightmares are other people's ideals.

But all days, I just don't want to abandon my family cause I got kids. I didn't think bringing kids into this shit world was a great plan, but now I have to stay here and do my best to protect them for as long as I can.

The virus just came along and made that even more stressful. I have to stay strong.
 
#20
With many of the fires out of control (all within light driving distance) along with the mask/unmask civilian riots, protest for police divestment + Black Lives Matter Movement, outpouring of people into my own city fleeing from evacuations, plus The Virus-I have become significantly numbed in a way that feels similar to calm.

I am loving my family deeply while sharing such, maintaining therapy and in a sentry mode to my tipping point. However, it is as I experienced within the eye of a large hurricane years ago... I am less willing to put up with people’s mismanagement of their behavior when it crosses into my zone. I am at the cusp where,”No means no.” without compromise. Old Alpha on standby grateful for life.
 
#21
With many of the fires out of control (all within light driving distance) along with the mask/unmask civilian riots, protest for police divestment + Black Lives Matter Movement, outpouring of people into my own city fleeing from evacuations, plus The Virus-I have become significantly numbed in a way that feels similar to calm.

I am loving my family deeply while sharing such, maintaining therapy and in a sentry mode to my tipping point. However, it is as I experienced within the eye of a large hurricane years ago... I am less willing to put up with people’s mismanagement of their behavior when it crosses into my zone. I am at the cusp where,”No means no.” without compromise. Old Alpha on standby grateful for life.
Yep....I've gotten plain rude at times about people w/o masks not even keeping 3 feet back....and having their kids run crazy in the store with their hands all over everything. Prior to Covid, I was very polite in public to strangers and didn't interact much. Now I go into public, and ....those irresponsible people need to watch out....I speak up for myself now.
 
#22
@TruthSeeker Indeed!
I find it very unnerving to watch flagrant disregard while entitled Seniors (on a small elevator of a Federal Building) actually continue breaking a law that comes with a thousand dollars fine (here) and a permanent misdemeanor. Daily.

Some of those unmasked participants in my State have recently shot security guards, food employees as well as other service people when asked to do so. Many folk here are frightened to speak up...then there is me. Just tired of their entitlement to my health, so I do speak up, calmly but knowing there may be conflict. Either way, it is a loss for me of serenity time.

In one manner, it does appear that some of those refusing to wear a mask while committing another crime... might consider facial recognition software at least a reality if not the virus. What is doubly odd for me is watching some known past thugs (who had no trouble wearing a mask while engaged in priors) say they are making a statement by not wearing their mask.🤔 I try not to laugh as I consider the irony of social role reversals.

So...bottom line, be careful out there @TruthSeeker . There are many past their tipping points whether right nor wrong they may be. Stay safe.
 
#23
@TruthSeeker Indeed!
I find it very unnerving to watch flagrant disregard while entitled Seniors (on a small elevator of a Federal Building) actually continue breaking a law that comes with a thousand dollars fine (here) and a permanent misdemeanor. Daily.

Some of those unmasked participants in my State have recently shot security guards, food employees as well as other service people when asked to do so. Many folk here are frightened to speak up...then there is me. Just tired of their entitlement to my health, so I do speak up, calmly but knowing there may be conflict. Either way, it is a loss for me of serenity time.

In one manner, it does appear that some of those refusing to wear a mask while committing another crime... might consider facial recognition software at least a reality if not the virus. What is doubly odd for me is watching some known past thugs (who had no trouble wearing a mask while engaged in priors) say they are making a statement by not wearing their mask.🤔 I try not to laugh as I consider the irony of social role reversals.

So...bottom line, be careful out there @TruthSeeker . There are many past their tipping points whether right nor wrong they may be. Stay safe.
Thanks for the words of wisdom!
 
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