Panic Attacks And Anxiety, No Relief

[goingonhope]

I just got a phone call back from Neurologist's. Said how terribly I am suffering today (and recently) from panic attacks, prolonged intense stress and anxiety and strong feelings of helplessness.

I just need all this to stop. He recommended me somewhere for help tonight. Oh' what an awful idea.

Feeling just terrified.

 

[goingonhope]

I called and I'm not the right age for me to get help there tonight. Oh' well, .....not feeling an abundance of trust, in fact I'm somewhat uncomfortably paranoid. And, ought to be right. Anyhow, did have this thought I could try googling the term for immediate care he mentioned. I'm not going to any f'n emergency room. Scared and this panic/anxiety has made my head feel actually, ...truly, actually and without any exaggeration, like siziliine.

I need a new psychiatrist. This one has allowed me to f'n suffer some symptoms just a bit to long, ...and at no expense to him, right.

Fck.

 

[goingonhope]

Apparently this is not the right state either. Anyhow, another day entirely lost to unnecessary suffering. I don't mean unnecessary in I could've improved upon the day, because believe me I did everything known possible to me to decrease helplessness/panic and anxiety besides allow my elderly mother to walk home from the hospital in which family stranded her at.

That's a subject that would only worsen excerbate anxiety right now.

A' well, I did find a lead for another day and since this day is mostly passed and my head, neck and shoulders feel like steel and I'm beyond exhausted and have decided to take two anti-itch pills which I understand are also sometimes prescribed for anxiety (though these were not prescribed for my anxiety,) this may help. I resent that I have to figure that possible aid out, and resort to it without doctors care, when my psychiatrist ought to freakin know that I'm straight out forward with him and no bullsh't.

Throughout the day, I kept thinking that his prescription for me is to f'n suffer, while I know damn right well that people suffering far less are either being adequately cared for, or prescribed medications inconsistent to what they actually need. For them it's about what they want and can get, and for other's like myself, it too often can become about prescriptions to just write the copay, leave, go home and f'n suffer.

Angry.

 

[goingonhope]

Having posted here after several hours of anxiety and reoccurring panic yesterday, I was dealing with such in some lesser degree or else I'd never have been able to post anything. And, naturally, I do wish I hadn't but the fear, threat, isolation and feelings of helplessness produced from my panic and anxiety feels traumatic in itself due to being present enough to experience and witness all its confusion which it may bring to any others and myself.

My panic attacks and extreme anxiety generally results in just terrible feelings of exaggerated guilt, shame and unworthiness.

 

[mamachick]

goingonhope-I am so sorry for what you are experiencing and can also relate. For me, the anxiety is the worst symptom of ptsd that I experience. Yes it has altered how I live, but due to the anxiety. I am prescribed xanax but have developed a dependence. Part of me wants to get off them, the other part does not care. So what if we do become dependent or addicted-isnt that better than the suffering? The panic causes lost days into weeks.

I am so disgusted at the hundreds of dollars a month that goes out in treatments that dont really work, and year after year. I am angry with you and for you. Sending hugs your way

 

[goingonhope]

I am speechless and feel angry regarding proper medical and/or psychiatric care. I almost must force myself to return to this thread to respond or comment. Angry because I believe that it is absolutely unf'necessary to be suffering from this helplessness that no relief from extreme panic, anxiety, this terrible physical toll and all these external and internal stressors are further creating in the form of keeping my anxiety levels escalating and me helpless.

Physically hurting so f'n bad now, once again doc, from this sickening anxiety and this insane stress.

 

[mamachick]

It is unnecessary. Then people self medicate with alcohol, what a surprise. Only this method is not structured or controlled. When that wears off, the anxiety is greater than intially-the rebound effect.

Its not just meds that can help, but a more holistic approach that is not available to most of us. That is why I am on this site at this hour. It disrupts ones whole life.

 

[goingonhope]

I must keep this simple, but I so agree with the narrowing necessity to self-ease and mistakenly self-medicate with or through diversions of something, ......(perhaps sugar, food, alcohol or another substance or impulse behavior or diversion) when adequate mental health services, and/or even medical care is unavailable, restricted, misdiagnosed, misdirected / mismanaged or useless.

Brat17, I too have holistic approaches out of reach to me, so I do know what you mean.

Also, what's just as bad or worse a feeling is when any and all professional help is such a navigational, extremely anxiety-producing, and with insurmountable redirections to take; countless obstacles to overcome and criterias to meet or prove you meet.

With so much exhausted in process; too often inadquate or incomplete evaluations; diagnostic testing; and then at the end of this what I too often have found most disturbing is:

The wrongly printed tag the psychotherapist attached to his expertise during (basically advertisement) that he or she thought sounded good;

Or, the psychiatrist that has only the least bit of education in trauma and Ptsd;

The doctor's (sometimes ER doctor's) who's narrow vision and labeling will drastically decrease one's ability of ever securing helpful service;

And, those f'n mission statements and claims of: Quality and Care.

All disturbing, and all sadly sometimes nothinig more then just a bunch of happy horse'shit.

 

[goingonhope]

This morning went well. This afternoon I got increasingly ill with anxiety and then panic which escalated through numerous phone calls. First, I was having a very hard time figuring out how to find help and get myself quick psychopharmo. care. It was that bad that at one point I shocked myself telling the woman on the other end that fine and thanks for the gun to blow my brains out.

We all know, some panic attacks and anxiety doesn't relieve for long with breathing technique and such. With no relief from it all, I felt just terrible and like imploding or raging and becoming destructive. Later there was even this impulse to rage in my GP's doctor's office while around other people. I felt just so humiliated and degraded to have to push myself into his office again today when I'd needed and asked for help for this, sooner.

Due to the extensiveness in which it all was lasting and escalating again this afternoon, lots of physical pain and the lack of hope for ever again finding relief from this had been again and again making me feel absolutely stuck, hopeless and helpless.

I got in there though, ...embarrassment, and my doctor again attempted to help me. He was kind, merciful and rather excellent.

My brains are scattered from too great of stress, but I am ok. My blood sugar too was shockingly high. How we discovered this was unexpected.

 

[goingonhope]

Yesterday, my GP called my psychiatrist and together they agreed to temporarily prescribe me Xanax for panic or escalating anxiety.

I did take one as prescribed at about supper time to help alleviate all that anxiety, as the panic attacks had mostly passed.

It seemed to help some then, but I soon afterwards realized that I am not happy with myself for ever having this incredibly distressing need to sometimes rely upon something, outside of myself, to relieve very painful anxiety.

My chatter-box (complete with everyone else's thoughts, opinions and even ignorance) started chattering on a specific subject today, to inform me that once again I'm not worthy.

I'm suppose to be unworthy of any relief from debilitating anxiety / panic and must just accept - tough sh't those are the breaks for you kid. And, I'm suppose to be considered unworthy as well, of anything one might call sobriety, because I am not forever able to control escalating anxiety and sudden panic in even some of the most overwhelming life and circumstances.

 

[mamachick]

I know that chatter box and it sounds like it needs silenced. Time for some self nurturing messages. Our self talk is either criticizing or nurturing all the time, and I know that critic to well. It is not useful to any of us and needs hushed at any cost. I know the difficulty and finding something that hits a nerve is often the key to fighting back and finding the nurturer in self, however hidden, its there.

One thing that worked for me many years ago was gathering a group of childhood photos and framing them like I would with my own childrens photos. I had to look past the coffee cup ring on some that were used for coaster. Placing them in an area that is visible and looking at them and thinking about the little girl "that was" many times a day. It gave me the power to see that she was a little girl that deserved nurturing and love. I was disconnected from her and could instinctly know how to treat her. When I was ready, I was able to identify with her. Process. Finally able to nurture myself with kind words, forgiveness, and hear what should have been. That was the beginning of hushing the critic.

Once I got through that, it was amazing that not only did I deserve to be comfortable, I found myself less uncomfortable.

Dont know if any of this might help for you but I am certain that you need and deserve to soothe and calm yourself. You deserve to feel good about about who you are and what you need.

Hugs

 

[Deleted member 12723]

(((Goingonhope))) I agree with brat. I think you are being too hard on yourself and you need to give yourself a break from the inner critic. Mine is always louder when I am not feeling good. I do not understand the need to punish myself. You have been through the wringer with the anxiety and panic and ill health. You are a good person and deserve alot of good. I am keeping you in my prayers if that is ok. Many gentle hugs to you.