Paranoid thinking, needing to control

[Rani G2]

in the morning before I’d try to go to school. I learned to cut school YOUNG. I spent all day roaming around in the woods. Forge her signature and sick note next day. Hard to remind myself that others have no idea just how hard I take their every facial expression, tone of voice. Just hard.

Angrylittlebird, this is extremely hard yes.
There is a part of me who is trying very hard to stay firmly on the ground. Someone who is not willing to be a peoples pleaser or trying to make it right so that no one criticizes. The difficulty lies for me in this part who wants to be confident but is ver fragile and the child who gets activated if criticizing, tone of voice, facial expressions happen which feels threatful. It becomes an existential threat. So my goal is to achieve a certain kind of "SPACE" to that feeling of " being little, vulnerable,hurt" etc. If I encounter that space I might see that these emotions belong to the past and it just get activated in situations rather than completely sucked in them. Thats very very hard...stilö trying

 

[Rani G2]

are talking about me behind my back, or that everything they say or do is some kind of criticism of me, even when it's completely unfounded. Usually when I'm anxious the most. So I hear you, it is indeed tough to go through, you have my sympathy :)

@ziter! Yes.

my Answer comes late. I was a bit downspiraling... needed a while to stabalize.
I have a similar thing where I believe that people can disrespect me or use me so I feel i need to be tough all the time.