Paranoid thinking, needing to control

[Rani G2]

Hello'

got triggered on Saturday....
Was able to ground myself after writing here..

Suddenly a thought popped in "Did you control that at work?"....

Anxious = Fear that I did something wrong or someone is going to blame me.

So, I did something stupid I called my boss on holidays. She was not angry but was a bit irritated...said that I need to realize its vacation. Yes!!!!!

Mental cinema running....

I am anxious

 

[Rani G2]

I'm biting my nails and Cannot sleep

Need meds. Stop.... this suffering is Bullsh*

 

[EveHarrington]

I think it’s hard to control thoughts.

So, I distract instead.

Im dealing with a different kind of thought right now. I know trying to control the thoughts would just make things worse. So, instead, I try to get my mind on something else. It works for a time, and then the thoughts come back, and then distraction works once again.

Hugs.

Edit.

I just realized I have a habit of writing in phrases instead of sentences. Doh.

 

[TruthSeeker]

Hello'

got triggered on Saturday....
Was able to ground myself after writing here..

Suddenly a though...

I get it! Today, anxiety has been high for me, too. I'd love to text my T. I bet that wouldn't go over well next session.....not anxious enough to spend money talking about another dumb thing I did.

 

[Rani G2]

Thank you Eve and Bkinder!

I'm not OK. OCD is high, fear, appointment with psychiatrist.

I feel like a big time idiot

 

[TruthSeeker]

Although it feels like forever, the waiting to talk to the professional, when I feel this way, I keep telling myself it is just a moment in time....and it's good you recognize when you need help! Don't beat yourself up. You're not an idiot.

 

[Rani G2]

Thanks Bkinder...i did something very very very irrational. Its extremely wierd. I couldnt control. Fear is high... this all after getting triggered on Saturday. Thanks Bkinder

 

[Rani G2]

My irrational act was not a problem. I got to know... hah lucky...glad it tutned out ok

 

[Rani G2]

https://markmanson.net/f*ck-your-feelings

Doesnt always apply to Trauma, thats a different dimension....but a nice read.

 

[EveHarrington]

Link Removed

If you click the link, change the asterisk to a “u” and it works!

 

[Deleted member 42984]

I get paranoid too sometimes. Sometimes I'm afraid that people are talking about me behind my back, or that everything they say or do is some kind of criticism of me, even when it's completely unfounded. Usually when I'm anxious the most. So I hear you, it is indeed tough to go through, you have my sympathy :-)

 

[Angrylittlebird]

I beat myself up too, over everything I might have said wrong, might not have said when should, might have did wrong, not did, why did so-and-so look at me like that?! What did I do now?! Don’t they know how hard it was for me just to show up?! I should have just stayed home. Can’t I just fall off the earth? Be less problem for everyone anyway...

Then next day I might be better or worse. Varies. Same thing happens over and over. Reminds me of being a kid (elementary school age) and my mom screaming at me about who-knows-what (“You’re just like your dad!”) in the morning before I’d try to go to school. I learned to cut school YOUNG. I spent all day roaming around in the woods. Forge her signature and sick note next day. Hard to remind myself that others have no idea just how hard I take their every facial expression, tone of voice. Just hard.