Parents Want To "understand"...help?

[Emma13]

Well, my mom is a teacher and she likes to grade the papers while watching the tv in their bedroom. As far as I remember my dad wasn't defensive, but he didn't really ask questions about PTSD. He asked questions about why I hadn't scheduled with a therapist in the nearly two and a half years I have been diagnosed with PTSD. Oh yeah, as far as I know my mother hasn't read the articles yet. It wouldn't surprise me if she never does.

 

[Springer80]

You need support not a project manager. The thing is you 'fix' ptsd by accommodating the symptoms with compassion not coming at it with a list of objectives. Say to your Dad it's like a diver with the bends...you can't force them back up at a pace it makes them worse...you both have to work with it not against it for it to lessen.

 

[Emma13]

Thanks everyone.

 

[Eleanor]

Wow, Emma. At the risk of being way too blunt and offending you I'm afraid your folks are not going to be a lot of help, and they don't show any much inclination to understand. :(

When you say you aren't using it as a crutch I believe you. I only asked because it is So Easy to let this thing back you into a very small corner. If you are going to cope well at home, it would probably help to get down and dirty realistic about what you can and cannot expect from your parents. They care about you, they support you (in ways) and they love you. But some things (unhappily things that would be very helpful to you) they are likely not to be willing or able to do. You will need to figure this out. It is totally and completely unfair, but there is no margin in fighting against what IS. It just uses up a lot of energy and mental space that you are already kind of short of.

I'm glad you are getting a therapist. That will help. And that you've found here. This is a GREAT resource and support and community to try to figure out what to do, and support you while you do it. :tup: You are young and PTSD is something that can get a tremendous amount better - 98% with a good therapist and a lot of hard work on your part. This doesn't have to take over your life. :hug:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I tend to agree with Eleanor about your parents. They mean well, but I do not think they understand where you are coming from and that is going to be really hard for you to come to terms with and accept.

It is very hard when we love people in our families and they are unable to be there for us in the way we need.

I went through so many agonizing and painful years trying to get people who could not be there for me to understand me. I thought the problem lied with me but it was their issue and never mine.

It is very hard to detach from family members who do not really see or hear or understand us.

I wish you the best in resolving your problems with your parents.

 

[Emma13]

Thanks Gizmo.

 

[saffy]

HI Emma

You have been very brave and open so far with us and your parents. Give yourself credit for this at least.

Your father sounds like he is a little more empathic than your mother, and her actions sound quite cold.

My mother was a teacher, god help those kids, and her mentality was about academia and control. Little was thought of the the link between mental illness and troubled kids. It was all just about being naught and disobedient.

If I have read correctly so far about your mother She sound very similar in personality and thinking.

I think it is important for you to learn acceptance of certain things.

Accept that your mother is not going to give you the support you expect, she probably does not know how, it is not in her ability to be empathic. Accept that your dad is trying to understand but may not be able to give you the help you need, he probably just does not know where to start. Hence the guidance towards a therapist.

Accept that they both had the opportunity to read the information so that more knowledge would give them the power to understand. Accept that you have been brave and mature and can only give information but cannot make someone understand, no matter who they are. Accept that their behaviour and attitude is not because of you but a reflection of the type of people they are themselves.

Everyone is an individual and is responsible for their actions and thoughts. Everyone has different behaviours and attitudes and it shows what they are inside. You should never blame yourself for the way others are, they own themselves.

With this acceptance it frees up time that you might have spent trying to make them understand, and gives you time to focus on how you can improve your life in the present moment.

A trained therapist and self growth will allow you to move forward in a more positive way as a strong individual.

best wishes
Saffy :)