Relationship Partner Has Ptsd From Working In The Police. Advice Needed.....

[Caffy]

Hi

I'm new to this site and would like some advice.

My partner of 3 years has PTSD as a result of him working in the Police, our relationship most of the time is fantastic but when he has low moods I get anxious and insecure and we argue, the arguing is dangerous. Anyway he moved out, a case of Flight or Fight, we are in contact and he wants to come home but is too scared. What can I do, I need him back I feel lost without him

 

[Sandi79]

I had a similar situation last week. Talk. That is what we finally did. We talked, and I listened for once.

We also lived together and had fights when he would reach low points. For us, we agreed to not live together, slow things down while we work on ourselves and get to know each other again.Living together is difficult in any relationship, add to it it PTSD and it becomes even more difficult. Allow him to have his own place, space and time to develop coping strategies.

 

[arfie]

Support and community groups are my favorite solutions to domestic disputes. In my own 33 year marriage, the arguments are mostly repeats. We didn't find solutions there the first 1,000 times, but here we go again. For the love of the dance? Getting my own self out of the dance and attending a support group meeting or some such helps allot. If nothing else, it changes the subject for a while.

Small steps, Caffy. Marriage is a lifetime comitment. It's okay if it takes a lifetime to work it out.

 

[Caffy]

Thank you, but surely if we don't see or have contact he will just forget me.

We spent all weekend together and had the most amazing time together, talking, laughing just being us, he said he loves me and wants to come home but not yet. He is staying with his parents and his mum constantly puts him down and he is feeling more and more anxious, he shouldn't be there it's not doing him any good. I sound so selfish.

 

[Caffy]

Baby Steps...... xxx

 

[Sandi79]

He will not forget you. I had the same worries. Mine is staying with his parents too..who are the ones who started this painful journey for him.

Keep faith.

 

[Caffy]

I hope not Sandi, his parents also started and is continuing to add to this. I was wrong not to find out anything and we didn't really talk about the PTSD, he has had it for many years now.

I just don't know if I should contact him, send him a little night text, or do I wait for him. It's 5 weeks since he moved out and we have seen each other a handful of times. I just feel so lost

x

 

[Sandi79]

Send a breif text saying "I am thinking of you" and let him contact you.

Try to focus on you, your health and your life in the meantime

 

[Samantha_38]

I don't know if I can help, I have PTSD and me and my fiance' go through this kind of thing a lot. Number one, when I need space, I NEED it. Not because I'm upset with him, but because dealing with him and me at the same time is just too much. My fight or flight response is heavily weighted towards flight, but I've always came back to him. I just don't ever want to risk saying something I regret to push him away. I also can't talk to him about certain things for fear of making him upset. Some things no matter how supportive the person is, they still can't handle it and I would hate to cause him stress with my problems. Its not that I'm afraid he'll be mad at me, but afraid I will cause him pain, or more pain than I already cause him. I can't lose him, and that is why I distance myself at times to be sure I'm doing everything right to keep our relationship. This takes a long time to figure out because typically I don't know what the problem is, so I spend days just figuring out what the problem is before I can even think about trying to fix it. Typically the problem has nothing to do with whatever it was we argued or fought about. This in amongst all the other feelings I deal with daily gets to be a lot, and I get exhausted easily.

 

[Caffy]

Hi Samantha

This is very helpful, he has left to go to his parents because he may hurt me. I just want him back, he is in the blaming me stage, it's all my fault we argued .

X

 

[Samantha_38]

I tell me fiance' those things when I hate myself. I hate myself quite often, but when it gets to a certain level, I hate myself so much that I don't even feel I'm worthy for him. I feel he'd be much better off without me. Whatever it was you argued about, I'm sure he feels terrible for it happening but doesn't know how to fix it, and feels you'd be better off without him, at least until he can fix it. At least that's how I feel a lot, but people with PTSD aren't all the same.

 

[Caffy]

But I am trying, how can I get him to cone home