Partner Keeps Accusing Me Of Cheating

[Nicolette]

escaping domestic abuse from my family,

I think you're now going to have to escape it from him.... it all sounds bad and I wonder if you have looked into possibly being co-dependent and worked on that if you are?

 

[Lucycat]

I have never heard of sleep therapy. Can you tell us more about this?

 

[Cherry_Bluebell]

Nicolette: I agree, but not sure if I'm co-dependent.
Lucycat: I'm having CBT for PTSD and my chronic insomnia. My psychologist writes daily sleep rotas which includes daily activities to promote better sleep and she says eventually my body-clock will be re-set

 

[Hashi]

I've taken my keys back several times the past few months but this will be the last time

It does sound like a pattern of increasing abuse from him which is hard for you to set strong boundaries against - this is very understandable if you've experienced other abuse. Accusing you of wrong-doing is a typical manipulative tactic.

It sounds like you're seeing a trauma therapist though - is that right? Are you able to talk with her about how to definitely make this the last time you take back the keys? For example, looking at what happened before that he ended up back with the keys again, and what needs to happen to make it different now.

 

[ghotiff]

Well done taking your keys back and setting down your boundaries.

 

[Cherry_Bluebell]

Hashi - I think she's a normal psychologist, not sure if she specialises in trauma or abuse? That's a good idea, I think I'm going to speak with her about the keys situation

 

[Barberian]

I wouldn't bother gathering the keys. Change all the locks because if he is that insecure, he will probably make copies before he returns them.

On a side note, dump him, he probably will be like that for the rest of his life. Even if he gets "better" it is no guarantee it will be permanent. Next time his life becomes stressful, he will revert back to being insecure.

My 2 copper.

 

[Cherry_Bluebell]

Barberian - yes his like that, he just reverts back to it and it gets worst over time. Luckly I've got coded keys, so I won't need to change the locks (something I made sure before I 1st gave him the keys just incase). His sent messages explaining his unacceptable behaviour and slyly trying to turn the tables. I've put him in his place and said I'm collecting the keys today and its over. I'm also suspicious he was cheating because of the way his accusing me, I don't have any evidence or signs he was cheating but I just find it all suspicious

 

[ferretmama]

This type of behavior is called Gaslighting, it's typical for an abuser. They try to turn things around on you and make you think you're in the wrong. Stand firm and cut all ties with him.

 

[Cherry_Bluebell]

lostallhope - I've heard of this term before, I will research it thank you and yes I agree :)

 

[Cherry_Bluebell]

Thank you everybody for your replies and insight. I'm a very distrustful person in real life so I don't turn to others about these things, and I needed a bit of advice and a listening ear :)