PTSD from cheating, partner breaks up with me.

[DharmaGirl]

Thanks @Mee, I appreciate it. The law does help society form what is acceptable and not, I agree. Rape by deception is a valid thing, and I want to continue to follow it. I come from the generation where one was expected to put up with sexual harassment from men. It wasn't that long ago that things were very, very different in our society. Anything that changes that is worthwhile to stand behind.

 

[Friday]

Moderator Note

@Mee @siniang @DharmaGirl @ anyone else interested in discussing what may or may not be able to cause PTSD... PLEASE START ANOTHER THREAD. Whilst often a fascinating discussion, the OP has been violently assaulted in their own home by a stranger and dx’d wih PTSD following that. That the issues surrounding being assaulted are creating far reaching consequences they’re struggling to deal with is hardly uncommon. The opposite.

If they had been assaulted or raped in a bank on the way to depositing a cheque, and were now having problems with being paid by cheque instead of direct deposit? Or in being paid in any way? Or in the mode of transport they used to get to the bank (walking, driving, etc.)? Or in paying their rent, for finding a new place to live, as they were evicted after their cheque was stolen? Or any of a thousand other things surrounding being assaulted this conversation wouldn’t be happening. Even if they were avoiding their trauma -or passionately trying to prevent new trauma- by associating getting PTSD “from” being paid for work, walking on a sidewalk, wearing a pretty dress, trying to pay their rent, etc. As is often the case, strong associations form with things surrounding the trauma itself. That’s just super classic life in PTSD-land.

We now return back to THIS thread, where the OP is struggling with being in relationships again, after having been violently assaulted in bed with her girlfriend, by one of the people her partner was cheating on her with. And the complicated effects that trauma is having on her life & relationships.

Thank You.

 

[EveHarrington]

Ok so back to the OP...

It’s GOOD that your relationship is over IMHO. I’m the kind of person who says ok, a new partner needs to have zero contact with ex’s.

One, a relationship needs to be looking forward. There’s a reason why ex’s are ex’s. Holding on to ex’s means you’re holding on to the past.

Two, once you’ve crossed over from friends to more than friends, it’s easier to cross over again as intimacy has already been established. In other words, staying in contact with ex’s is just playing with fire.

Three, with like 7 billion people in this world, it’s not like there’s a shortage of people to connect with and be friends with.

Don’t listen to dumb articles that claim shit like “staying friends with ex’s means you’re more emotionally mature, and it’s a red flag when your partner isn’t friends with any of their ex’s”. This is pure bullshit.

I don’t see this as solely a trust issue. I mean how many people later say “I was so dumb to think that my partner being friends with their ex was ok”....? Too many to count.

Life is too complicated as it is. Cutting ties and moving forward is best IMHO.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I'm sorry OP, I was in no way questioning what caused your PTSD. I apologize also for thread jacking. I was just curious about what someone had said. I should have started another thread.