Parts Still In Irac

[hopefloats]

I am basically writing this post as a last resort to reach out to my husband who has shut down.
I have been doing intensive research recently into this matter. My troubled marriage is what has basically sent me to the internet to learn everything out there about PTSD. My husband and I have been together for 8 years, and we have been married for 3. He is my best friend. We have had our share of troubles, but nothing prepared me for this. In 2009 he was called to duty with the Army Reserve. He served for 13 months. He returned home in November of 2010, and I was so excited to finally begin our future. In the two years that have passed we have been separated twice due to the stresses of life. He was diagnosed with PTSD and depression about 6 months ago. I truly think that he cannot communicate with me.
I am writing you because I am very worried about his quality of life if he does not talk to someone. Since he has been home, I have watched him gradually shut down. It took us a month apart to finally realize that constantly texting my emotions isn't doing anything but hurting us both. In the past, he has expressed that he feels at war with himself. He has broken down on few occasions. The lack of emotion is the worst for both of us, I think. When he told me these things I heard him, but I just didn't "get it". My research has opened my eyes to the fact that there is a bigger problem than my marriage.
I don't expect him to know what to say or feel. I think that his approach has been to ignore it, and it isn't working. I expressed my realization to him. While he wants to say that he is fine, I can hear in his voice that he isn't. Our mutual friends say he is pretty much ignoring them too.He works out of town and is in a hotel room during the week. I fear that if he tries to battle this alone, it won't end well. I have educated myself, but I do not understand it. I want to reach out to someone who knows the "feeling" of PTSD...or lack thereof.
I know no one else who personally knows what it feels like to bring home a war. He has agreed to talk to me this weekend. I know that there are no magic words. If anyone can give me any piece of insight into how I can break through his detached state, I would appreciate it more than you know.

 

[Need an Oasis]

This site is for combat vets only. You need to go to the supporters' site here.

 

[hopefloats]

Thanks, I understood that. As I said I am desperate for some insight of a sufferer. So maybe someone who has no idea what it feesl like can help...I don't think so.

 

[Jimmy1]

hopefloats,

The sister site, www.ptsdforum.org is for people with PTSD and for partners/spouses of people with PTSD. This site is for combat vets and was made for a reason. Some of our 'Combat' members use it as a lifeline where they can speak their mind to 'Like Minded' fellow veterans. That is why spouses are not allowed.

My insight to you is that you will have to wait. Only he can make that decision to do something, and if he is in a dark place then there is nothing much you can do but wait.

Go buy yourself a book. http://onceawarrior.com/ this will give you the insight you will need.

If you continue to post on this site you will be banned and not able to read anything.

My last bit of advice is to let him know that you are there for him and that you are doing things to help understand.

Jimmy

 

[Jibby]

Nice one Jimmy. Way to f*ck somebody off with a bit of class and empathy for once. Some of the aggression in f*cking some poor bonce who wandered in by mistake here is bang out of order and not needed no matter how tired of doing so anyone is.

Everyone wanders lost in to places they don't belong needing help. Anyone of us might one day on or off line. Be nice, it's nice to be nice.

 

[Jimmy1]

Nice one Jimmy. Way to f*ck somebody off with a bit of class and empathy for once. Some of the aggression in f*cking some poor bonce who wandered in by mistake here is bang out of order and not needed no matter how tired of doing so anyone is.

Everyone wanders lost in to places they don't belong needing help. Anyone of us might one day on or off line. Be nice, it's nice to be nice.

Well said Jibby.

I am just so over the way some people on here treat others. We have members who without hesitating blast people. They say things like f*ck OFF, CAN'T YOU READ, yet I bet some of those members did not post in the introduction area when they first joined, can't they read.

It's also the fact that they are using PTSD as a reason for their anger outbursts. Well maybe they need to take a good long hard look at themselves.

You wonder why I have not been around. I don't feel proud to be a member when that happens. Do you ever think some of those spouses would recommend this place to their partners.

 

[whips]

seriously?! what kind of person is going to tell of a supportive spouse that actually wants to help instead of riding jodie? this woman is a gem, i applaud her for seeking help anywhere she can, she isnt leaving any stone unturned, i wish my ex wife would have been more like her, instead of handing divorce papers over with "your life's interrupting mine"

we all have to accept things on our own terms, and each one of us is different and each step takes an indeterminable amount of time. when he's ready, and if your still there.

 

[Jimmy1]

Malignant, I will say welcome. I also wish there were forums around for my ex-wife sometimes, then I would not have had to have a divorce and the kids would not have had to experience what they did.

But regardless of what I said, this forum is for veterans only and anyone else trying to post on here will be banned. That is the rules.

If you know of any spouses/partners, direct them to the support section of www.ptsdforum.org

You see, there are a lot of veterans on here who are not receiving treatment or who may not be on medication and they will show animosity towards any non-member, it's just the way it it. I was just stating my opinion.

 

[Jibby]

......It's also the fact that they are using PTSD as a reason for their anger outbursts....

I've done that at times with people offline I really care about. Like my wife. It's a catch net, or has been. Taking advantage of somebody's (as in wife) unselfish to the max take on life where they want to care so much. Add it to the invoice of guilt I've felt on wondering why everything is a clusterf*ck.

I was a spikey gobby f*cker way before I had PTSD or even joined up. But now the victim card needs a check fire at times. Nobody owes me anything at the end of the day. Life's not like that is it. I too often think they (as in the whole human race) do owe me some respect forgetting to remember to reciprocate that little box of respect back. Majority don't give a shit that I experienced this or that or why I was there experiencing it. Like I don't really give a shit about their highs and lows so expect some sort of slack I never would give back?? Don't know. Musing aloud.

 

[Wagon]

The smart ones know us by how we act. That's enough in my book.

I really hated the fact that everyone knew what I did in my very small home town. When I got home, I hated the questions from absolutely everyone. Had to disappear for a few day to go and see a shipmate in Illinois. I didn't tell a soul. Ooops.

My attitude towards this PTSD shit has gone all over the map in the last year. First I was secretive, then I was open, now I'm kind of in a I don't really give a f*ck mode. I just want to live, work on my shit, and carry on. If pressed by a question or two I just say "I was in a war, it f*cked me up a bit, I deal with it" Thats it. Take it for what it is. If they don't like it, f*ck em. I could care less about their opinion. As they could care less about mine.

Kind of nice to regain some self confidence again. Part of it is coming to grips with the past. I used to hide the fact I was in the military at all.

 

[JarHed]

Hey Hopefloats

Kind of a mixed bag of responses here. It's true this is a site for combat vets only. I also know that you're probably grasping at straws with what's happened with your husband. No one can be in combat and do and see what we have and not be changed by that. It happens to everyone to some degree.

It's going to take a world of patience and understanding on your part to both help him and keep your marriage together. My heart goes out to you and him in the hope that you both get the help that you need. You could send him our way also, he might like being able to talk about some of the things that are bothering him here.

Best of luck to you both

JarHed