Past People/past Associations

[Deleted member 31998]

I'm not sure if this is common but every time I see people in passing that are from that town four hours away, where most of the stuff happened, I find myself panicking internally. Even if they weren't people I directly knew or even spoke to, it's just the principle and the reminder of a place where torn memories and horrendous tormenting occurred. Although I am getting better at moving past it, I still find there's a distant part of me that freaks out in my mind when I see someone that went to the same school. It's even worse if they may recognize me(-100 pounds, different hair and overall opposite disposition later).

Perhaps it is partial humiliation as those who were around me from that time period saw me at my worst, but my mind plays games and I feel like people will always see me as that dysfunctional teenage girl who couldn't seem to find herself. Regardless, I am much different now and a lot happier but it still lingers. Thoughts? Does anyone else deal with this?

Warmest Wishes,
Jasmine

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Jasmine, I'm middle-aged and that still happens to me. It's not just seeing someone, though, a name might do it, definitely a knock on the door, a certain scent...suddenly, my throat tightens up, my stomach churns, and my flashbacks own me.

You're sooo not alone. :(

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

Not alone at all, Jasmín.:hug: I live in different state, have had a name change, and we're talking a gazillion years ago. I don't run into people from my past, and I can't imagine how I would react. But the mere thought of it made me shake.:sorry: I, too, would imagine they would be seeing that terribly dysfunctional teenager who was self-destructive, promiscuous, then finally, more authentically myself but even more of an outsider and a freak. Of course, I'd rather be authentic and a lonely freak then continue to try to be someone I thought I was supposed to be, but was not very true to my values and was enormously self-destructive. ¡Viva your authentic self, and f*ck anyone who can't see the real you!:sneaky:

 

[Friday]

Does anyone else deal with this?

While I'm not quite clear on whether you're talking triggers, stressors, or reminders? The easy answer, is 'yes' to all 3.

 

[Fenris Lyulf]

This happens to me a great deal. I avoid everyone and everything that reminds me of the events as much as possible but it is inevitable that I will encounter someone at some point. I'd like to move away from where I live because it is VERY triggering and causes me a great deal of stress.

 

[VioletButterfly]

Yep, I live down the street, around the corner, and am encircled by people who have either harmed me or watch me act out. I find myself either dissociating in order to go out or I just stay in. I've often thought about how to move to another city, or even the other side of town, but at my age and with what I have on board, the fear shuts me down. There is also the saying to consider - "Wherever you go, there you are." My negative thinking has a field day with this topic, regardless of location. Either way, I end up in the trenches, drowning in fear.

I'm sorry you are also dealing with some aspect of this. I hope it gets easier as time goes by. Best to you. VB

 

[Sarah2017]

I know this was posted some time ago , but I can so relate. I've moved country twice since my "incident" and I still manage to create sequences, associations through hypervigilance. It's completely distressing and destructive

 

[Beemo3780]

This happens to me too. I have a hard time returning to my home town because I start to panic or just feel sick to my stomach. One time while going up to visit family, I barely made it out of the car before throwing up. Now I take medication, but rarely travel back there.

I also have a difficult time dealing with anyone connected to my ex-husband. I've gotten social media messages before from people that weren't anything bad, but just seeing their names made me queasy.

I definitely practice avoidance, and I'm not sure it's the best way to go, but it helps me get through the day.

 

[Sarah2017]

It's weird for me - what "happened" occurred in a separate country to my home, and my obsessive associations and patterns are not directly linked to what "happened", but to other things in my life. I'm so easily triggered as well into descending toward dysfunctional/obsessive/intrusive thinking. Someone's funny glance, look, tone, body language etc.

I'm so afraid that I'm going to become the master of my own downfall - it terrifies me. I know I'm doing it and I know when I'm being "dysfunctional" but I just cannot stop when I'm hyper alert and vigilant.

On a funnier note, my blocked list on Facebook is longer than my actual friend list That is an avoidant strategy!

 

[Llith]

Sadly avoidance has been pretty much impossible for me. I guess I avoid the people who did things to me, avoid the church one of the people attended, blocked one person on Facebook. But I had to walk past the building where I was raped, every day for over a year as it was on the way to work (an old co-worker did it).

Now though I don't have to go past it any more (I finally changed jobs) I still panic if I see ginger haired guys and bald guys. I don't think I go could back to the village where the worst stuff happened without having a mental break down. If I saw one of them again I would most likely not cope at all... I always freak out when I see a specific car worried its him.

 

[gealach]

I definitely react... and avoid. I transferred 500 km away to avoid them and any reminders of them, but still have to travel back every week (hopefully ending that soon). Seeing anyone from that time (even if they weren't involved), seeing an ambulance, even just hearing sirens = flashbacks, anxiety, panic, etc. I'm always just positive that if anyone from that time sees me, they'll know and go out of their way to treat me badly (paranoid much?!?)

Thanks ptsd :rolleyes::banghead::bag::chicken: