Pathological indecisiveness

[TruthSeeker]

On a whim I googled “pathological indecisiveness” and whadda ya know, it really IS a thing!

I’m not self-diagnosing or anything. I just know that my indecisiveness is a big problem.

My indecisiveness ranges from the cute end of things where I cannot decide what to have for dinner when I go out to eat and make lighthearted jokes about sending the waiter away 10 times all the way up to oh shit this really is having a negative effect on my life when I am immobilized when faced with serious life decisions.

I am in a new situation of sorts with a guy I’ve known for 7 months. (I don’t dare say the R word, relationship, as it freaks me out...totally a topic for another thread, lol.) So anyway, he’s ACTUALLY putting me in the drivers seat in terms of making decisions about the situation between us. ( I say “actually” as opposed to smoke and mirrors “apparently” that my ex did...) Of course this new guy would like to move faster but he knows I have the soul of a frightened rabbit who will bolt when scared, so he knows he cannot push things along more than I am ready for. He says I’m totally worth waiting for and he is willing to work with me.

Let’s just say that my system is freaking the f*ck out. WHAT?!? You mean I have to make decisions?!? Ohhhh, no, no, no, no, NO! I can’t make decisions. CAN’T!

With other guys it was so simple. You make the decision, and I’ll just go along with it. Easy peasy lemon squeezy!

Because, you see, I have a core belief that says I have to do what other people want and I have to be what other people want me to be or else they are going to walk away.

If the guy makes the decisions, and I just go along with it, I avoid risking that rejection.....But when I have to make the decision, there could be a million different options so picking the “right” one is a daunting task. KWIM?

But, yes, we are taking things slowly and getting to know one another. He is strongly encouraging me to think about my boundaries and set them with him. Yeah, I’m like “boundaries? What boundaries? Pssshhh. I just let people do what they want!” Sad, I know. At least he knows this so he’s very careful about not doing physical things unless I’m sure I want to.

Does anyone else struggle with making decisions? What helps you make important decisions? How can I move through/past this struggle?

Thoughts? Feedback? Ideas? Help!

1. Simple decision choices with 2 relatively equal out comes where sex isn’t involved?
Use a coin toss app on your phone.

2. Decisions that don’t matter- like eating out-Ernie meanie miner mow;

3. Where to park? In the row nearest the exit door.

4. Text a friend and get their opinion.

4. Anything bigger than this? Wait 24 hrs or longer to concretely decide. That’s all I got.

 

[NeverGiveUp]

I’m not sure what you mean by if it’s taking too long?

Since you mentioned that you're still struggling with making decisions, I thought that maybe you think that your relationship is taking too long to advance because of that.

 

[EveHarrington]

Since you mentioned that you're still struggling with making decisions, I thought that maybe you think that your relationship is taking too long to advance because of that.

I guess I don’t understand where it would go? I really don’t understand how relationships progress, I confess. We’ve been committed since last july-ish. Moving in together isn’t an option, engagement is waaaaaay in the future, if it happens.