Peeping Tom Or Erotomaniac Roomate

[Kailani]

Good idea on the bug spray. Pepper spray is good, too. I also keep a long, sharp garden tool next to my s...

Lol!!!! We do!!!!

 

[hodge]

Oh yeah. Lol!!!

 

[hodge]

Seriously, though, please do at least tell your landlord. I think he should be booted out.

 

[aut555]

Seriously, though, please do at least tell your landlord. I think he should be booted out.

Good idea on the bug spray. Pepper spray is good, too. I also keep a long, sharp garden tool next to my s...

I like the self-defense ideas offered
here, affordable, and can be found anywhere. I have the same issues, and have worked out to become physically much stronger because as an older female, l feel even more like a target these days, on many days l want to sign up for firearms training, but then my brain says hey you, slow down, take deep breaths, this to will pass.

 

[Kailani]

I'm usually pretty strong and have applied non-violence training but I have been recovering from car wrecks and studying so I'm a bit out of shape. The guy is trying to get near me anyway he can today. I'm just so stressed trying to avoid him. You guys are awesome and I really appreciate your input and advice!!!!

 

[Kailani]

Firearms..... Hmmmmmm

 

[Friday]

Firearms..... Hmmmmmm

Not a good idea in a domestic setting / you're living with them. Ever. They pretty much guarantee someone will get shot. Maybe you. Maybe them. Maybe whomever is on the other side of the drywall reading a book in their bedroom or cooking in the kitchen. All firearms do is escalate a situation, fast.

I'm a very big proponent of firearms, including for personal safety. But if a situation has risen to getting a firearm to protect yourself from someone you live with? Move. Unless you're willing to just slit his throat or double tap his head in his sleep, completely premeditated. Because that's the exact same thing, IMO, as carrying a loaded weapon in the house waiting for someone to piss you off or scare you. You're just waiting for a chance to use it. Might as well just wait until they go to sleep. Same difference. Or, be smart & sane, and not kill everyone who scares you, and risk the lives of everyone in the same house.

You're an adult. You have options. They may suck (sleeping at work, at a library, showering at the gym, etc.) until you can get rent arranged if you need to exit, now. But as a grownup, you've got the ability to take care of yourself.

...

TBH there's nothing you've described that have tripped my sensors of this guy as a predator... Male/brash/annoying maybe? But I'm not the one living with him. If he's setting off every alarm you have? You've tried to deal directly with him and are getting no traction? Leave. Make plans for leaving in a nonstressful way, and have a backup plan for needing to leave in a hot minute. (Work/library/gym... Or friends, etc.). Don't escalate the situation, instead.

 

[scout86]

How does this guy get along with the other roommates? If they're having problems too, it might be time for a group visit with the landlord. Another thought, once, to avoid similar unwanted attention, I enlisted a male friend to play the role of SO. It worked. You could tell him you're gay, or a nun, or are just too crazy to be on a relationship. "It's not him, it's you." :rolleyes:

 

[Ronin]

Honestly, I'd move somewhere calmer, if only for a few days, or hours each day, ease up on myself / take only as much study or workload as I can that helps me stay thinking instead of hypervig but not adding that pressure, tune out the guy's existence in the meantime with having study to do, and return after having a plan of how to either confront or avoid him more, in a safer to you way.

Starting with you, not him.

Not saying anything he does will stop being infuriating / frustrating / triggery, but you might gain some sense of space that messes evaluating, now.

For all we know, he may be just a guy who likes tending to his flowers trying to strike up a conversation after having forgotten how one does it, and yeah, checked you out because you're a woman, but that's about where it ends.

 

[Kailani]

All firearms do is escalate a situation, fast.

Thank you for your concern. It was written in response to someone who replied as a haha to that but I am sorry if it was seen as a real solution. I also do realize the dangers of firearms as I have been threatened with them and seen enough situations to know. I assure you if I ever had to use one the person would deserve it. I don't own one although with as many times as people have invaded my dwelling, I should per say. I have always been strong enough or smart enough with God to fight off any and all attackers. I almost feel the firearms though could be nicer for the attacker; what's an arm compared to other damage that could be done? To be honest, sensors are tripped because he as ex military may himself have a firearm and knowing from experience how these things escalate from distance watching to up close watching to anger to violence, I am seeing the progression. I can't run from every dude that stalks me- it happens like 2 times a year- what I am trying to figure out is why. If they enter my dwelling they are asking for it! It's not appropriate to look at women as the lesser being or just allow myself to get killed or raped cuz he is military- that's not doing anyone any favors. MI have been looking into other options however when I am under this much stress I can't do great at that and he is the one breaking healthy boundaries. Again I am sorry that was viewed as a real option. I do believe people should be able to protect their houses with them just under extreme safety precautions.

 

[Kailani]

How does this guy get along with the other roommates

The guy has had problems with the other roomates as far as too much trying to socialize and they have reported it and he was talked to by the landlord. I think he is just lonely and refuses to make healthy choices like meet up groups, volunteering, church, neighbors... And tries to create all of his socialization here and with a group of druggies and alcoholics behind a supermarket. He has had a history of drug and alcohol abuse and may still be drinking, which may be contributing to a wife/ relationship delusion. I could probably get a guy I know to be my boyfriend as actor but I am not sure I could pull it off very long. Haha-love the suggestions though- who knows!

 

[Kailani]

Thank you for your reply. Thank goodness I've done a lot of driving and getting out walking my dog but my school work has suffered! The hyper vigilance and avoidance has taken a toll along with poor sleep.