People Faking Ptsd

[Uve]

Um. I understand being frustrated by people using the term 'ptsd' for minor life events. But people also say 'that test made me want to kill myself' 'she's so bipolar' 'what, does he have multiple personalities or something?' etc. They don't intend to minimalize actual mental illness; it's colorful, if not tasteful speech.
Tbh I only made an account here bc I felt attacked and I'm in a really uncertain place. I have been diagnosed with PTSD, in conjunction with 6 or 7 other things that make me doubt the value of all of them. They say I have childhood trauma but I don't remember much of my childhood and the few incidents I do remember my parental says didn't happen. I'm told I'm just too sensitive. I don't know if I'm being gaslighted or if I'm crazy.
But my issues with conflict and dissociation/derealization did lead to me being raped a few times, does that make me broken enough?
Images and emotions I can't understand do come out of nowhere and push me towards self destructive behavior does that make me broken enough?
The internal warfare of my fragmented self has led me to attempt suicide and, in the words of the ICU doctor I saw when I woke up a few days later I 'did a pretty good job.' Now am I broken enough to join your club?

I don't know what, if anything, happened. I'm not sure that I want to. All the things in my life that could be called 'real trauma' that I remember happened as a result of PTSD pathology. I don't really know how they've affected me because I can't feel pain anymore. Maybe I really was just too sensitive. But every doctor who's talked to me for more than 10 minutes has said I'm not depressed, I have trauma pathology, something happened to me. I don't know.

This is selfish but I wish I was like OP. I actually did volunteer in a trauma center for a couple hundred hours in hs and I saw some of the stuff that EMTs/Paramedics had to deal with; it's truly insane. OP can say yeah, I have PTSD because of my time saving lives. It's almost a battle scar; painful and awful, but heroic. For me? I'm no one's hero. I'm just a girl who doesn't know anything about herself, her past, her present, her future. I don't even recognize myself in the mirror sometimes. My trauma is invisible especially to me. I'm left only with it's echo, reverberating through my life, causing destruction with no visible source.

So maybe I didn't *earn* my PTSD. But if I have to live with all the effects of it, who gives a f*ck? Like if some higher power was like oh, I shall gift Jim with all the symptoms of gonorrhea, he just won't have sex to get it, would you tell Jim that he didn't *earn* his gonorrhea? (correct answer: no, for those who have trouble with these things.). Obviously most people like sex and despise trauma so the analogy is imperfect and I don't mean to equate the two but I don't understand this trauma snobbery. This mental injury has impacted my life in a very serious way regardless of how large or small the original attack objectively was.

 

[Hufezo]

This mental injury has impacted my life in a very serious way regardless of how large or small the original attack objectively was.

It's not about large or small. It's only about qualifying or non-qualifying.

You were raped? That's a qualifying trauma. It doesn't have to be 'bad' rape. I don't even know what 'bad' rape is...it's not a thing. The mental effects of surviving a rape can be profound enough to lead to PTSD even if the physical effects were minimal. OR - it doesn't. Whether or not will then depend on the presence of the other criteria.

You were abused as a child? That can also be qualifying trauma; depends on the nature of the abuse. And I understand if it's harder because you don't fully remember. But the potential of that, plus the presence of the rape, PLUS additional symptoms (which you've not gone into, but let's assume they are there...) - that's enough information to probably be diagnosed with PTSD.

So then, you can at least be on a therapy track. The more you work on it, the more will emerge. Relief can begin to emerge, too. That's the whole point of a diagnosis.

I don't understand this trauma snobber

If anything, call it diagnosis snobbery.

Um. I understand being frustrated by people using the term 'ptsd' for minor life events

That's all I think this thread is truly about.

But people also say 'that test made me want to kill myself' 'she's so bipolar' 'what, does he have multiple personalities or something?' etc. They don't intend to minimalize actual mental illness; it's colorful, if not tasteful speech.

Whether or not they intend to minimize mental illness - I don't think it matters. They do minimize it, by using this language, and only being educated about mental health will help them stop.

When someone says, "that's so gay", and they mean it as a criticism - gay=bad - they are perpetuating a negative stereotype. Whether or not they mean to, is irrelevant. It is hurtful, regardless.

When someone near me says, 'it makes me want to kill myself' - and they are only using hyperbole, not actually expressing a truth about depression/PTSD - I am minimized by it, unless I take a moment to say, "well, not really", and explain why. Then, I'm just doing what I think is right and hopefully helpful.

Now am I broken enough to join your club?

This means you've felt minimized by this thread.

If it helps, please know that your trauma experiences are valid, and I don't know that anyone here would judge you for them; also, that it's not only about the trauma, it's about the full symptom set; and finally, that the first level of work you will probably have to do with yourself will involve accepting that things happened to you that were wrong, deeply harmful, and have scarred your psyche in ways that unfortunately you are going to have to deal with.

One thing I've noticed is true - people who have been diagnosed with PTSD are more likely to question whether or not their trauma was quote-unquote "bad enough". People who have not been diagnosed with PTSD are more likely to defend their struggle as being PTSD, especially when it involves something that will not qualify.

 

[Lopika]

Someone else claiming to have ptsd? That's their thing.
Someone else faking ptsd? Again, that's their thing.

Me and my ptsd? That's my thing. My thing is bi enough, all on its own.

I worry about my thing, they can worry about theirs.

 

[Wirejo]

That's all I think this thread is truly about.

Sorry I interpreted it as hating malingerers who are to be identified based on the severity of their trauma. If this is what it's about then I totally overreacted because I'm really insecure about this diagnosis. Just for me people who joke about having these disorders irritate me while people who tell me I have no right to have these disorders kind of make me question my existence. Thank you for your explanation and your kind words.

 

[Lumez]

I think that Hufezo has a really enlightened attitude to 'what this thread is really about'. But the original post, claiming to have 'earned my PTSD in emergency services' was offensive and distressing. Trauma snobbery is a thing, and if you've had the misfortune to be a neglected child, then these forums can seem quite hostile at times.

 

[Ofahi]

if you've had the misfortune to be a neglected child, then these forums can seem quite hostile at times.

I dont quite understand this.

Trauma snobbery is a thing,

Maybe but I dont see that here. The orginal post is stating, in my opinion, that I "earned" my diagnosis, (for example) the guy that tripped over the curb and came back up with PTSD didn't. That is how I see that "I earned PTSD" statement.

I have not read anything here that's trauma snobbery or trauma comparing. This thread is not about comparing trauma but rather people without qualifying trauma self diagnosing and those that actually fake PTSD and that does happen as my father tried (and failed) for more benefits.

 

[Unul]

But the original post, claiming to have 'earned my PTSD in emergency services' was offensive and distressing

That's one way to take it.

It might be worth your while to consider why you take it that way, though. If someone had said "I earned my PTSD through years of violent abuse." Or "I earned my PTSD the night my house burned down." would you be as offended & distressed?

 

[Olige]

I never knew that PTSD had to be "earned" I thought it was just a horrible thing that happens to people who unfortunately have gone through a nightmare experience, or suffered an event that they shouldn't have?

 

[Ifajo]

I think the "earned" was just bad wording for "I had to go through something horrible but the dude that is faking it didnt". I think many are making way too much out of a word. Semantics. But just my opinion.

But sometimes there just aren't words for our feelings.

 

[Ovo]

I think the "earned" was just bad wording

It wasn't my post, bt I think the same thing.

Struggling with denial, minimising our abuse, and finally coming to terms with the reality of how awful life was, there are inevitably moments in our recovery and healing where it's just plain painful coming to terms with everything, and how awful our life has been, and that can really easily spill over into resenting the world and pretty much everyone in it for a while.

And even though this is the anonymous forum, and it's easy to jump on people for using the wrong words, I think a bit of compassion would go a long way for the OP here. I can relate to the feelings being expressed, and maybe it's not entirely fair or sensible or reasonable or whatever, I can relate to the pain coming through in their message

 

[Daci]

I find the idea that 'PTSD is earned' somewhat offensive - it's not a prize or a medal, it's a sickness. And it's the people who want to think of it as mark of heroism who seem most interested in comparing trauma.

The worst thing that was ever actively done to me was a spanking. Neglect is tricky that way; it's possible to endanger someone's life by simply 'not taking them to the doctor'. (This endangered my life on two occasions.)

So I feel directly targeted by the original post because I am directly targeted by the original post. When you struggle with accepting what happened to you and believing that it's real (as we all do), it doesn't help to be accused of faking.

Given that my trauma relates to people denying care and accusing me of faking being sick, I feel that I've done pretty well at responding in a compassionate way. Perhaps you now believe that I'm faking PTSD. It's hard to prove. Broken bones and pneumonia are easy to prove, and the delay in getting those treated endangered me as a kid.

And that's where the conversation can be expected to stop - there's a whole bunch of criteria for diagnosing PTSD, and plenty of people who 'earn it' without having the disorder. But the 'faking it' accusation doesn't mention flashbacks or avoidance, because it's not about diagnosis, it's about something else.

 

[Oruz]

I find the idea that 'PTSD is earned' somewhat offensive

Why? For some of us, what we were doing when it happened is the last memory we have of being a functioning human. I used to enjoy life. I had a career I worked hard to be a part of.

Now, no. I hate life, I hate the monster that looks back at me from the mirror, with dead eyes. I used to know a guy who looked like that, but he died a long time ago. The impostor in the mirror doesn't deserve to wear his face.

I'm not the OP, I don't know what they are thinking. This is just my view.

it's not a prize or a medal, it's a sickness

You are absolutely correct.

Neglect is tricky that way; it's possible to endanger someone's life by simply 'not taking them to the doctor

You survived a dangerous illness that when left untreated kills all but the strongest people. Pneumonia is no joke.
Nor are broken bones. They can lead to sepsis when ignored, also easily fatal.
Sure, you could argue that your immune system was working away in the background out of your control. Or you could be proud you survived something alot of people don't. It's up to you.

So I feel directly targeted by the original post because I am directly targeted by the original post

This is certainly your choice as well. I don't think it suits you, but it's your choice to make, not mine.