People Who Don't Like You Setting Boundaries

[Go Hungry]

Boundaries are such an important thing. There are so many things that they can protect from, including manipulation and co-dependence. Especially co-dependence. I've had alot of trouble creating my own, but I know from experience that going around without good boundaries can attract a certain type of person who will keep pushing to see how far they can transgress them. They will turn you into a doormat if you aren't careful

For me it was childhood bullies who first started that crap, but in hindsight I've come to see that it was certain people throughout my life who were doing that sort of thing. Almost all of them came in the guise of friendship. I'm kind of lucky in that the last decades' isolation eliminated almost all the controllers from my life, and distanced the ones left. So I get to pick and choose which relationships to continue with, and which ones to let drop off.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I can relate Meadowsweet. Boundries are essential to have. Never having boundries, later on I was appalled at how many peoples boundries, I crossed.

I try to be more sensitive to the other persons boundries now.

I am exercising boundries with others now and it helps so much.

When I first started setting boundries and limits with my husband he did not like it at all. He really hated it because he was afraid of the changes I was making in my life. But I fought back and stood my ground and eventually he came around.

For example I set a boundry for my kids that we all had to knock at the bedroom doors or if we did not we would have to pay a dollar to the person. My husband did not like it and he ended up paying the most dollars.

Personal space needs boundries too.

It is a process to learn how to set boundries and very controlling people will steamroll over your boundries because they do not have boundries themselves. I have learned to weed out of my life, those kinds of people.

I am a victim no longer and I hope it will always be this way. I wish you well on your boundry planning and with a lot of practice it will get easier.

 

[shimmerz]

It is a process to learn how to set boundries and very controlling people will steamroll over your boundries because they do not have boundries themselves. I have learned to weed out of my life, those kinds of people.

This is so true through my experience and they are the ones that react the most when you shut the boundaries down. It is like they are emotional vampires - needing the pull the energy out of others and they react very strongly when one withdraws this valuable asset to them. It is like they thrive on it.

 

[jmni]

It's also worth considering that many people who do not respect boundaries show indications of being stalkers, and the refusal to recognize a boundary could be an early warning sign. If that is the case, you can avoid them, block them, try to starve them. But if they persist and show more indications that they are controlling and unwilling to stop, or that they are either using or projecting onto you, just call them what they are: stalker. In general if someone has issue with this, I would make efforts to cut them out of your life, like avoiding them, not talking to them, ignoring them. Depending on the relationship it may not be worth proving to this person that they have to respect your boundaries.

 

[shimmerz]

Depending on the relationship it may not be worth proving to this person that they have to respect your boundaries

Such a very good point.

 

[jmni]

If anyone behaves as though you have to prove yourself to them, its says more about them than it does about you.

 

[jmni]

The title is very broad because there are millions of ways and scenarios to disrespect a persons boundaries. I think fear, offense, concern, and most feelings are very natural reactions. But I also believe that someone who has been persecuted will react with anger. If you have been unfairly called a wuss by some abusive psychotic you can sort of go into offensive mode. This is something that you have to question and examine on you on part. In Controlling People she referenced backwards connections, which is a connection made in a negative way. In other words, don't retaliate against someone like this. If they continue to disrespect boundaries, that proves that its all about them and not you. So I would say resist retaliating. If someone attempts to connect to you in a negative way, that should be the end of it.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

jmni you explained everything so well and I needed to hear this today. What you said made a huge difference in my life today. Thank you.

I love Patricia Evans and own a few of her books, Controlling people is one of them and I need to pull it out and go through it again. She made a profound difference in my life.

Thank you for so eloquently explain what you did.

 

[jmni]

@gizmo
I'm glad I was able to help. To be more clear I meant do not retaliate in a way that will lead to more interaction with that kind of person. Of course you can retaliate by adhering to your boundaries. But engaging them or humoring them will only lead to problems.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I so agree. Setting limits and boundries is so important. I have learned to speak once and then just walk away.