People?

[desiderata310]

SO .I'm skipping the rest of the posts for now to respond.
Yes, this is a little bit of a problem but you're more than capable of changing that.
You started something with your family. Don't stop. They were genuinely happy to see and talk to you. Doubt me? Call them up to chat.
You have people you can call on for assistance. Do something for them this thanksgiving: buy a pie or a cake or make cookies and take them by. There are people who genuinely like you even though you cut their horses hooves. You speak to them about other things. There are opportunities there for honest relationships.
You were on a board for a long time. Get on another one- one more social and use it as a place to find friends.
Yes, you do have a problem initiating contact. remember that. And work on it.
Don't try to read someone's mind. YOu've been running around assuming that people are getting sick of you when they indicated the opposite.
Yes, your friend is happy to see you. That doesn't translate to desperate.
And for the record, I am not desperate, but I am pleased when you initiate contact.
There is a problem with only having people who are your friends 'online'. The issue is that it intensifies isolation.
Sorry this is a bit disjointed but I hope it helps.

 

[Abstract]

They like me and enjoy talking to me mostly because i make that part the job.

But thats still part of you...

because I got lucky.

Hmm. we are part of our own luck. This luck wouldnt have happened without you taking action in all those ways. Finding the details contacting going participating. PARTICIPATING. ;)

they didn't mean it, they were, just being nice

Thats a little insulting about them isnt it. ;) When you don't know. You are pretty good with people so I imagine you would be able to have some sense of if it was insincere if you let yourself. One way to find out of course.

they THOUGHT they meant it until they got to know me better.

Lets say that happened. What then. Im sure you have sometimes liked someone and then not as much. Yes? What would it say about the world or you if that happened.

People basically feel dangerous, you know? (But feelings are not facts..

Oh grief yes. Totally and utterly. Welcome to PTSD. Its a tough one. Guess letting it take up space just gives it more room to grow though. ? That desert island still looks good to me of course.

 

[Recovery4Me]

I recently have entered an mainstream community by sheer location of my housing. There are 160 units (skyscraper) and after being in relative seclusion it took adjustment to move forward in social interaction. I found volunteering (foodbank) eliminated the cognitive distortions of self. I offer a needed hand and that is all that is required.

From these interactions myself esteem grew a tad because I could be myself and give. I then met a few people that I may attempt to develop 3D friendships with further but in the moment I am building an work relationship, practicing on trust, getting out of my head of doubts and into the world. Perhaps, consider volunteering at a ranch for children or somewhere that you feel intense or passion about.

I am not saying that this offer is perfect for you. However, I found for me that once I tried in a manner that had clearer boundaries for my new practicing social interactions ...it led to new discoveries. Sometimes incremental successes are key and far less intimidating to an overall goal set.

Best of wishes in your explorations!

 

[Tinyflame]

@scout86 , I am so sorry if I miss something here, as my brain can't recall everything written. :( I don't mean it to minimize, as all of it is important.

Just to say, and I can only say from my thoughts and experiences (and like the blind men with the elephant analogy, we 'see' coming from what we know), remember here on the forum in the 'old days' when it said something (a header) like ~ptsd doesn't get better in isolation?

I know for me, too, I have trouble finding the meaning I exist.

Well it's said, the meaning of life is to give life meaning. Which, I just wonder- can that even be done without others? At the end of one's life, what else will matter? (Our boss will likely never be at our death bed, and we're taking nothing with us).

I think @desiderata310 is right.

:hug: