In short. They are addicted to themselves and it all being one way. Is there a cure? Doubt it. The most foul cup of tea I have ever had in my life, which was only produced on request, sat and went half cold. That was wrong too after all the 'effort and expense' she went to.
Seriously is there a cure for that?
Hi Jacquie,
You have just painted a fabulous picture of my older sister! They could be twins :p Actually, my whole family!
Self absorbed is an understatement. Everything is my fault, I am expected to take care of my family. They call me their 'slave' and treat me like one too - my Mother actually tells everyone I am her personal slave. If choose not to help them or not do exactly what they ask, I am either ignored or called 'evil' (my older sister has actually called me that to my face).
Examples: My older sister had a heap of old baby stuff she didn't know what do do with. I suggested SHE give it to charity, sell it on ebay, take it down to a second-hand store and get some cash for it. Then, the next week, all the stuff arrived on my doorstep for me to 'deal with'! I had it delivered right back to her doorstep - now that was wrong of me because they were expensive things and I could just store them with an external storage company (which I don't have) that I would have to set up and pay for!
When I have achieved anything or have any happy moment in my life, they ruin it. When I got engaged - my sister made comments completely inappropriate about my husband and the reason for our engagement in front of my whole family, at my engagement party - I was humiliated. Did my family do or say anything to her? No, why? because I am not permitted to be happy. When I got my first job, I took my family our to dinner to celebrate - they behaved so badly that the restaurant staff kicked them out. But that was my fault, because I 'could afford to take them out for a nice dinner'. What the???
If I have something wrong with my health, they are worse, have had it for years, or I brought it on myself. Or the other classic is that there is nothing wrong with my health at all, I am just 'temperamental', 'difficult', 'a hand full'. Well, yes, having a family like this would make any normal person a little bit frustrated! And to add to this - when my husband asked my fathers permission to marry me, those exact words, 'temperamental', 'difficult', 'a handfull' were used to describe me to my (then) fiance - thank god he ignored that!
If I ask for help, the automatic response is 'what about me??' (EXACT WORDS). Then, I am told that it was my fault for asking for their help, the problem was that I surprised them, they wanted to help me but I didn't give them enough time - what?? I asked to store some boxes in their double garage for a short period of time. That's all I asked for, and it took 6 months for them to offer up the name of a storage company that I would have to PAY to store with, rather than letting me use a little bit of their DOUBLE garage!
Even worse, my parents invite their friends over for a dinner party. Then start by complaining that they can't cook. So I cook - when I am not even invited. They take the credit for the great meal and then introduce me to the dinner guests saying 'this is what's wrong with' ME. So the WHOLE dinner party start telling me how to live my life, because I am not good enough in one respect or another. My parents encourage STRANGERS to criticize me and me and my life! Then when I stand up for myself and tell the guests that they have NO RIGHT to tell me how to live my life and that they don't know anything about me - I get told off for embarrassing them and being rude to their guests - RUDE?? Isn't it rude for a group of strangers to criticize someone they don't even know!?!
Another classic example, my sister asked me to stay with her while she was 7 months pregnant and her husband was travelling on business. I stay over one night, the next morning at 6am, I walk into the lounge to say good morning, and without even being offered a tea or coffee, or (god forbid) some cereal for breakfast, I was told to leave 'because the nanny was coming to take care of her 3yr old son'! What does that have to do with rushing out of the apartment without even a coffee?? Then she had the nerve to ask me to stay over again when her husband was on another business trip a couple of weeks later! What did I say - No. I'm busy.
Lately, I am in trouble for not sending birthday gifts to my nephews, but my older sister DOESN'T even invite me to their birthday parties!!! Do I send them presents? Nope. Not until I get an invitation to a birthday party and even then, I probably won't turn up as I will be given a task of baby sitting with no food or drink for hours (did actually happen). Instead, I'll just have something delivered.
When I told my other (younger) sister that I was unwell and having a very difficult time (first diagnosed with PTSD) - she responded immediately by telling how great things were for her, how she was getting an award at work, and a promotion and they were sending her to Germany on a business trip. This was when she knew I used to be very successful career woman, and had told her that my Drs said that I could no longer work because of my condition! That made me feel soooooo much better!
This is just the day to day, superficial activities - there is a great deal of skeletons in the family closet. But I won't discuss that here. The problem in the family is the central control unit - my father. He is the one manipulating, ecouraging and controlling everything.
Sorry for the longest response ever!! Just really empathize with you and maybe I'm a little riled up about how nasty family can be.
Is there a cure?? Yes and No....Nope. People this selfish don't believe in self reflection, therefore, have no capacity to change, evolve or improve themselves. Yep. It comes with age - they eventually die (I'm a little cynical).
